


So What If It's The End of The World?

by LittleSnowCloud



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse (Physical), Abuse (Verbal), Abuse (of substance), But Gamzee and Tavros still have sex all the time, F/F, Like whenever possible, M/M, Multi, PWP - Porn With Plot, Sex, Smut, Zombie AU, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 18:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 79,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14384034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSnowCloud/pseuds/LittleSnowCloud
Summary: It appears as though the world has 'ended'. Dead people don't stay dead and when the not-quite-dead people bite you, you become one of them. This is, without a doubt, a shitty situation for most everyone.Unless you're an addict with the skills of an Amish and a matesprit that is all kinds of miraculous when it comes to finding literal pounds of food just laying around.Gamzee is that addict and Tavros is that matesprit with uncanny food finding abilities. They survive the apocalypse together.(Warning: Hella slow updates. Also, gay sex, if that wasn't already clear. If you want something to happen, hmu, I might actually do it)





	1. And So It Begins

Gamzee sat and watched the news tell of how the world was falling apart. 

Wow, he thought. What a shitty situation for darn near everyone involved. 

According to the guy on the tv, it was... Zombies? Some kind of Walking Dead type stuff. 'Course, this was right before the news anchor guy died. Looking at the screen, Gamzee scanned the crowd of terrified humans and trolls and the 'zombies' chasing them and being gunned down. Most of them looked like undead humans, but... Yep. There's one. Dead-not-dead troll. Well. Shitty dicks, and whatnot. 

Gamzee stood and turned off the tv, putting the remote on the coffee table where Tavros always told him to, and went to go pack some things. They were going to need food, clothes, weapons, and oh God, toilet paper. 

"TAVROS, SWEETHEART!??!"

"WHAT?!"

"TURN ON THE TV WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT, GOT SOME WEIRD NEWS, I'M GUNNA PACK OUR BAGS!!"

"WHERE ARE WE GOING?!?"

Gamzee rubbed his throat and screamed, "SOMEWHERE ELSE!!"

Tavros wheeled past him with a shrug. "Alright, I guess, but I'll have to cancel that meeting with Barbara."

Gamzee winced and thought, Barbara probs dead, but he didn't say anything. Then the tv clicked back on and he heard Tavros say to himself, "Holy shit, Barbs is probably dead."

Gamzee snickered and grabbed all thirty two cans of pineapple they had in the cupboards (there was a sale last Tuesday) as well as the forty cans of cranberry sauce (again, Tuesday). He then considered that maybe pineapple and cranberry wasn't the  _best_ purchases they could've made, but hey, pineapple tastes fine as hell. Laden with cans, he waddled awkwardly through the house, kicking open doors until he got to the bedroom, where he dumped the cans on the weird human bed they bought for sex before opening the closet and climbing up the wall to reach the duffel bag on the weird top shelf thingies that no one seems to really be able to reach. 

Dragging down the bag, he quickly threw it to the bed and shoved the cans in, packing in as much clothes as he could around the cans. Tavros wheeled in just as Gamzee was about to attempt to zip the bag. Tavros gave him a look and said, "What did you pack?"

Gamzee struggled with the zipper and grunted, "Food 'n clothes."

"What food and what clothes?"

Gamzee glanced at him. Tavros raised an eyebrow. Gamzee desperately tried to get the bag shut before Tavros could look. Tavros whapped Gamzee lightly on the head and took the bag, looking down at it with the face of someone who had just discovered the chips he wanted were stale. He pulled out a can of pineapple and a 'dog' collar and stared at Gamzee until the highblood dared to make eye contact. "No."

"Yeah, okay." Gamzee slunk away and let Tavros pack, spending his time gnawing on a can of pineapple and waiting. 

Eventually, Tavros rolled in, the bag hanging from his wheelchair's handles. "Come on, Gamz," Tavros sighed. "The world may be dying, but I'll be damned if it takes the cripple with it."


	2. Sex and Watermelons

Gamzee woke up all slow like, drifting somewhere between asleep and awake for an unknowable amount of time before he realized he wasn't asleep anymore. He shifted and felt the weight and warmth of the troll beside him and the rough feel of that troll's long horn on his throat. He opened his eyes and then closed them back, whining and rolling awkwardly over, hiding from the sun and getting his legs tangled in the weird human bedsheets. 

Tavros shifted and spoke softly, his voice thick with sleep. "You still want sleep?" 

Gamzee took a deep breath and wrapped his arms tight around Tavros. "I jus' want you." 

"Dummy..." One of Tavros' hands rubbed up and down his spine and he shifted out from under the lowblood's horn and pressed his face against Tavros' side, feeling the steady beat of his heart. 

After a few more minutes of that perfect peace, Gamzee raised his head and his eyes met Tavros'. The lowblood smiled sleepily and laid a hand on his cheek. "C'mere." Leaning down, Gamzee kissed his sweet, perfect Tavros right on the lips. His hair was a mess, there was dried spit on his face, and his breath tasted terrible. Gamzee wanted nothing more than to make love to him. 

Shifting till he was on top, Gamzee lazily kissed Tavros' neck, reaching a hand down to rub him between the legs. Tavros gave a shaky gasp that ended in a moan. "Not even gunna s-say good morning...?"

"Good morning..." Gamzee murmured the words against Tavros' skin, trailing kisses down his chest, gently running his tongue over each grub scar, and taking gentle hold of Tavros' bulge when it was coaxed from its sheath. 

Tavros was tense and shivering as Gamzee moved further down, pressing a kiss to the lowblood's stomach and saying, just loud enough to hear, "Relax, Tavvy. Just relax..." Still shaking, Tavros shut his eyes and laid his head back, doing his best to keep from tensing up. "There you go..." Still rubbing his bulge, Gamzee pressed his tongue to the base and licked it up its length, growling softly as Tavros gripped the sheets of the bed and mewled. 

Getting a better grip, touching him as best he could, Gamzee kissed Tavros' thighs and bulge and lower stomach, only stopping when Tavros arched his back and hissed, watching as brown fluid covered his hand and stained the sheets. "Well," Gamzee let him go and watched the genetic material drip from his fingers. "That was fast."

Tavros muttered something under his breath and weakly threw a pillow at his head. Gamzee just snickered and stripped the pillow of its pillowcase, using it to wipe his hand and Tavros' thighs. He crawled back up, hovering on all fours, thoroughly turned on and hoping he hadn't just screwed himself over. "Tavvy? Sweetheart? Love of my life?"

Tavros laughed weakly and gently wrapped his arms around Gamzee's neck. "Just get in here." Gamzee purred and complied, gently easing his bulge into Tavros' nook, kissing the lowblood's face and neck the whole time. 

Gamzee loved having sex with Tavros in the mornings, because Tavros wasn't so bite-y or demanding when he was tired. Slowly, Gamzee moved, wrapping his arms around Tavros' body and letting out purrs of happiness when his matesprit's breath hitched, or when he gave a soft gasp of pleasure. That was what it was all about, really, those little sounds that meant he did something right. Shifting a bit, making sure to hit that most sensitive place, Gamzee kissed Tavros on the lips, enjoying the feel of Tavros' hands roaming across his body and the sound of his quiet moans. 

"My love," he murmured. "My precious, my miracle, my most perfect one." 

Tavros's face was dusted a soft brown. "G-Gamzee..."

"I love you," he kissed him again. "You above all others." And again. And a third time. Tavros' blush deepened and he hid his face against Gamzee's shoulder, starting to shake again as he was steadily brought to his end a second time. They finished together, purple and brown mixed. 

Gamzee kissed the tip of Tavros' nose. "We really need to find a bucket."

Tavros laughed, brown eyes soft with love. "Yeah... Yeah, we do." Suddenly, those pretty eyes were filled with tears and he pulled Gamzee to his chest with his surprising strength and clung to him. "I'm so glad you're here," he whimpered. "I'm so, so thankful for you, Gamzee, every minute of every day."

"Shit, bro." Gamzee let Tavros hold him and cry against his shoulder, gently pressing a kiss to his hair. "I love you, too."

The sun was shining bright through the windows Tavros always tried his best to keep clean and Gamzee knew he needed to start The Routine soon or he'd get home late, but he figured a few more minutes couldn't hurt. Especially if his Tavros needed him. He'd do anything for Tavros.

~~~

After a breakfast that consisted of their last can of pineapple (ah how long ago that sale day seemed), Gamzee started his Routine. It was always like that in his head, Routine with a capital 'R'. He didn't really know why. It started with Tavros' wheelchair. Every day, after sex (only if Tavros wanted it) and breakfast Gamzee checked the wheelchair. Tavros had to have that thing and they didn't have the time to leave their little cabin in the woods to look for a new one should it break. So, he checked the wheels, the seat, the handles, the chains and bolts and screws and everything, tightening what was loose, cleaning what was dirty, and oiling what squeaked. When it was all done, Gamzee gently lifted Tavros from his chair at the table and placed him in his wheelchair, giving him a kiss before saying farewell. 

The second thing on the list was to check the traps. It was a sunny day, not too hot, not too cold, and Gamzee was glad for that. He hated going out when it rained. Stepping out of the house and closing the door behind him, he walked down the well-worn path that led through the concealing trees around their chosen home. He'd cut the trail himself and the packed, grassless path of earth was made by his own feet. It circled the house, branching off in several places in a spider-web tangle that only two trolls on the planet knew the way of. 

As he walked, he made high-pitched whines in the back of his throat, constantly looking over his shoulder and listening for the sounds of the dead. Another part of The Routine was to clear out any dead that had wandered into their territory. After walking one third of the route, while he was checking one of the trip wires, his noises attracted one of the dead and he quickly dispatched it with a hard-thrown rock. Grimacing with distaste, he grabbed it and threw it over his shoulder, leaving the main trail to follow a smaller branch that led to the pit. 

He hated the pit. 

Gagging on the reek of spoiled blood and rotted flesh, Gamzee hurried to reach the third in a series of pits, each a foot from the other. The first two had been filled awhile ago and covered with dirt, but the third to which Gamzee now went was only just starting. He chucked the even deader dead thing into the hole where it joined a large amount of others at the bottom of the huge pit Gamzee had dug himself. Once it reached a certain fullness, he would fill it back up and dig a forth pit. He was not looking forward to the forth pit. 

Wiping his hands on his pants, Gamzee went back through the woods to the main trail where he continued his trap-checking. Three more times he had to visit the pit, two of which were to dump a body caught by a trap. He reset the sprung ones and added one when it was needed. When they'd first arrived here and The Routine had not yet been set, the walk to check for danger had worn Gamzee down to the point where he'd get home and just collapse in bed, too tired to eat or to have sex, or really do anything except hurt and sleep. But after two and a half sweeps, he'd gotten used to it. 

By the time he was satisfied the sun was high overhead and the morning dew had long been scorched away. He headed for home, stopping by the small stream just a bit behind their house to bathe, just like he did everyday. Dirty clothes under one arm, naked and dripping, Gamzee walked home and opened the door, tossing his clothes onto the dirty clothes pile and gratefully accepting a hug and a kiss from Tavros. 

"C'mon. I made you lunch." Tavros gave Gamzee his clean clothes, just jeans and a T-shirt, and wheeled to the kitchen. Gamzee threw on his clothes and followed, setting the table and helping Tavros put out the food, one of the last few cans of cranberry sauce, before gently transferring Tavros from wheelchair to dining chair and sitting down himself. 

As always, their meal was full of gentle teasing, inside jokes, and talk of nothing. Sometimes Gamzee wondered when they'd become so okay with the end of the world, but then, what had the world ever really done for them anyways? They cleaned up together, put everything away, and then Gamzee took Tavros back to their bedroom and made love to him again. 

And then they took a walk. 

Gamzee pushed Tavros' wheelchair along the path, humming the tune for a song he couldn't remember the words to. Occasionally, Tavros would reach a hand back and Gamzee would take it and kiss the palm. They didn't talk much out here, just enjoyed their home. 

Quite suddenly, Tavros motioned for Gamzee to turn left and said, "Gamzee, there! Go, go." Obediently, Gamzee took Tavros along a curving route, the lowblood occasionally giving orders. "There! There." Tavros pointed to some bushes and Gamzee went to root around, having learned long ago to not question Tavros in these things.

"Damn, brother, how do you always know?" Gamzee picked up a whole friking watermelon and put it in Tavros' lap. 

"I can just... Feel it, I guess." Gamzee put another on his lap, then another. 

"Well... Guess we found dinner."

Tavros grinned and Gamzee kissed him. He wanted to make love to him again, just right in the forest, but they had watermelons to get home now. So, he just got back behind the wheelchair and pushed them home. 

Gamzee put the watermelons on the counter in the kitchen. He'd just set the last one down when the pain set in and his vision started to black. On his knees, gripping his head, Tavros' shout of worry sent fireworks of agony exploding in his skull. When it started to give way enough for Gamzee to stand, he struggled to his feet and pawed at the top cabinets. The only thing in those cabinets were a few pill bottles. 

Fumbling, whining with pain and need, he couldn't get the top off the damn bottle. Tavros took it gently from his grip and popped it open, shaking a few pills onto his palm and handing them over. 

Gamzee threw em back, swallowing the pills dry and wishing desperately that he had more than weak human drugs. 

"It's getting worse, isn't it?"

Gamzee nodded weakly and smiled. "Yeah. But don't worry, bro. I'm good... I'll... I'll get better."

Tavros shook his head. "You'll have to start taking them in the mornings, too..." He slammed his fist down on the armrest of his wheelchair and snarled in a rare moment of anger. "Dammit. Dammit! We don't have enough for this." Holding out his arms, Tavros motioned Gamzee closer and the highblood crawled onto his matesprit's lap, closing his eyes and sighing in relief as the last of the pain ebbed away. 

"Sorry, bro..." Gamzee gently gripped the front of Tavros' shirt. "You shouldn't have gotten stuck with the addict."

"And you shouldn't have gotten stuck with the cripple." Gamzee started to protest, but Tavros cut him off. "See how stupid you sound? I don't care what you have to take, Gamzee. You are perfect and I love you."

Gamzee nodded once and muttered, "I love you, too."

They stayed like that for a long while, just holding each other. Then they cut open a watermelon for dinner, chucking the remains out when they were done and going to the bedroom to make love one last time before falling asleep, all wrapped up in each other. 

And it was just another near perfect day, like so many other near perfect days. And Gamzee prayed that tomorrow would be just the same. 


	3. Housework

As usual, Tavros was woken up by a gentle touch from Gamzee. Carefully, the highblood traced his grub scars and ran the tips of his fingers down Tavros' side. Tavros waited a moment, letting Gamzee run his hands along his body, expecting the slow heat that usually burned in his veins when Gamzee touched him in the mornings. It started in his chest and between his legs and pulsed further through him with every beat of his heart. 

Still sleep-weak, Tavros fumbled for Gamzee's hand and, when he found it, pushed it down his body till it reached his bulge. He heard Gamzee chuckle deep in his chest and finally opened his eyes as Gamzee started to touch him right. "No good morning...?"

Gamzee kissed him on the lips and murmured, "Good morning," against his mouth. Tavros shut his eyes again and relaxed, sighing softly at the gentle pleasure of Gamzee's slow pace. Gamzee kissed him again, parting his lips and easing his tongue past Tavros' unresisting ones. Tavros ran his hands up Gamzee's sides, moving his own tongue weakly, not caring that Gamzee tasted like morning breath. 

Then he pulled away and blinked up at Gamzee, sliding his hands up to the highblood's shoulders and smiling sweetly before pushing him downward. Gamzee shifted obediently backwards, laying on his stomach and pressing his lips to Tavros' bulge. Tavros put a hand on the back of Gamzee head and nudged him closer. 

The highblood complied and Tavros purred happily as Gamzee took the bulge in his mouth. Tavros pushed at Gamzee's head, petting him and rubbing around the base of his horns, giving the occasional hum of pleasure at the feel of Gamzee's soft tongue against his bone bulge. "Gamzee... L-Love you..."

Gamzee purred deeply and the vibrations of it sent another wave of pleasure through Tavros' body and he arched his back, grip tightening on Gamzee's black hair. The highblood gently laid a hand on Tavros' thigh, nudging his legs a little more open before pulling away, despite Tavros' protests. Weakly pushing at Gamzee's head, Tavros grumbled the entire time Gamzee shifted back up, kissing up his stomach and chest, only falling silent when their mouths met. "Go back," he muttered when they parted and Gamzee laughed, laying their foreheads together. 

"C'mon, don't I get anything out of this?" 

Tavros huffed and shut his eyes, laying back on the bed. "Do with me what you will."

Gamzee chuckled again and kissed Tavros' throat. "Silly troll. You're so dramatic sometimes."

Tavros just put his hands on Gamzee's hips and lightly pulled him closer in a not-so-subtle hint that he wanted Gamzee to start already. 

"Alright, alright..." Gamzee gently laid a hand against Tavros' cheek and said, "Tell me what you want."

Not feeling up to speaking, Tavros instead just guided Gamzee with his hands until it was quite obvious that he wanted Gamzee to ride him. Gamzee kissed him gently and let Tavros push him down, shifting to get comfortable as Tavros' bulge filled his nook. He started to move and Tavros purred, smiling against Gamzee's lips and moving his hands up the highblood's sides, tracing every line of his matesprit's body with the tips of his fingers. 

Gamzee put one hand to the headboard, bracing himself and moving at a steady pace, rising and falling by the strength in his legs. "Is this good?"

"Mm... Mmmhmm..." Tavros slid one hand up to the back of Gamzee's neck and pulled him closer, kissing him softly, the other hand drifting down to his hip and urging him to go just a bit faster. Gamzee complied and Tavros sighed against the highblood's lips, shifting his hand till he felt Gamzee's bulge wrap around it. Gamzee growled softly, nipping lightly at Tavros' lower lip as the lowblood touched him, as slow as Gamzee himself always touched Tavros. 

With both his nook filled and his bulge being given its own attentions, Gamzee came first, whining softy as the deep purple genetic material ran across Tavros' lap and further stained their badly miscolored sheets. "Ah... Ta-Tavros..." Tavros tipped his head to let Gamzee place sloppy kisses on his throat, raising one hand to pet his highblood's hair. 

"Come on, Gamzee... Just a little more, okay?" Tavros kissed his matesprit's temple, wiping his purple-coated hand on the sheets before laying it on Gamzee's hip and gently attempting to get him to move some more. With a soft whimper, Gamzee rocked against Tavros, panting and shaking, legs weak. Tavros arched his back and purred weakly, putting both hands to Gamzee's thighs and gently encouraging him to keep going until, with a soft mewl, he reached his end. 

Gamzee rolled off of Tavros, hiding his face in his pillow and shivering all over. Tavros scooted a bit closer to his matesprit and took his hand before yawning. "Hey, Gamzee?"

"Mm?"

"Don't be too shocked or anything, but, um, I think I might like having sex with you."

Gamzee peeked out from his pillow haven, grinning stupidly. "Shit bro, I never would've guessed it."

"I know right?" Tavros, unable to turn his head due to his horns, reached blindly out and patted Gamzee's face. "What a surprise."

Gamzee snickered and the bed creaked softly as he pushed himself up to his knees. Tavros watched him sit up for a moment, giving a soft noise of appreciation when he brought their clasped hands up and kissed Tavros' knuckles. Gamzee let him go then and stretched his arms above his head, grunting softly, and Tavros let his eyes wander over the gentle curves and lines of Gamzee's strong yet damaged body. Near-vanished scars, discolored skin from a much larger wound than the now-faded ones, lean muscles, the soft, unmarked skin of his thighs and groin, the small scars on his shoulder that Tavros' own teeth had made. 

He was absolutely beautiful. 

"You done?" Gamzee put his hands on his hips, one eyebrow raised. 

"Mm... Not yet." Tavros managed to push himself up into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard before holding out his arms towards Gamzee. "C'mere." Gamzee happily obeyed, crawling to Tavros and cuddling up against his side, purr/growling softly as Tavros messed with his hair. "Why is your hair always such a mess?"

"Ain't got no brush," Gamzee muttered. 

Tavros hummed softly and wrapped one arm around Gamzee, holding him close and petting him. They stayed like that for several minutes until Gamzee's stomach complained at the lack of breakfast. 

"I'm hungry." 

Tavros let Gamzee go and and highblood made his way off the bed, grabbing some random dirty cloth and cleaning the last of their genetic material from their bodies before getting dressed and helping Tavros get his pants on. Then he lifted Tavros from the bed and put him carefully into his wheelchair, leaving him to put on his buttonup and heading towards the kitchen. Sufficiently dressed, Tavros ran a hand through his hair and wheeled himself after Gamzee. 

The highblood was pawing through what little they had, grumbling softly under his breath. Tavros went to help and they debated over their food. Did they cut another watermelon? Use some of their last cans which were about to get old anyway? Do something with that lime some squirrel chucked at Tavros a few days ago? They debated and in the end just opened some more cans. They were, after all, about to be spoiled. 

After breakfast, Gamzee helped clean then turned to go to the front door and begin his usual trip around the forest, but Tavros called out for him to stop. "Gamzee wait!" He grabbed the bottle of pills from the counter and opened it. "You have to take this, remember?"

"I was hoping you would forget," Gamzee said softly, returning and letting Tavros shake a few pills into his hand. Tavros saw the equal parts need and revulsion in Gamzee's face as he, as always, just swallowed the pills dry, but he said nothing. 

Tavros put the bottle back where it went and gently took Gamzee's hands. "Gamzee, I know you don't want to hear it but..."

"I know, I know." Gamzee got on his knees and laid his head in Tavros' lap. "I'm gunna have to go into town, aren't I?"

"Yeah." Tavros ran his hands through Gamzee's hair, already missing him, already wanting him gone and done and home again. "Yeah, you are."

"Do I have to go today?"

"The sooner you leave the sooner you'll be back." Tavros gently traced Gamzee's pointed ears with the tips of his fingers. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want another night with you."

Gamzee growled softy and Tavros felt the kiss Gamzee pressed to his crotch. "I'll be home as quick as I motherfucking can, brother." Gamzee stood, kissed Tavros hard on the mouth, and dashed away before they could get all tangled up in each other again. Tavros heard the front door shut and let out a shaky breath. Gog, it was so hard to let him go sometimes. 

Hands shaking just a bit, Tavros began to take care of his own chores, starting with cleaning all the windows and doing other boring things like dusting. It was tough sometimes, what with him being paralyzed and all, but he liked having a clean house. It was something normal to do in the hectic world that was now life. 

After an hour or two with the house to his liking, Tavros wheeled back to the bedroom and carefully removed the sheets from the bed, putting them on his lap and heading over to get his laundry basket. Depositing the dirtied sheets into the basket, he then went to the front door, scooped up the pile of dirty clothes Gamzee had accumulated, and left the house, making sure that the door was shut behind him. 

It was a cloudy day, but not in a rainy way. The clouds were soft and white in a bright blue sky, and Tavros appreciated the shade of the obscured sun as he pushed his wheelchair along a worn track to the stream Gamzee bathed in every day. A light zephyr sent the grass rippling and the leaves sighing softly against one another and the stream gurgled playfully beneath the shade of the canopy above it. 

Humming softly to himself, Tavros stripping down and placed his basket on the ground before carefully lowering himself from his chair, easing himself halfway into the water and moving the laundry basket to a flat pile of stones he'd put there himself for just that purpose. Then he started to wash the laundry. Clothes weren't too hard, the only problem was that the smell didn't always wanna go away. Sometimes Tavros just straight up set fire to a couple of Gamzee's shirts. Gamzee has yet to notice the missing shirts.

The real challenge was the bedsheets. After finishing with the clothes, Tavros pulled the sheets from the bottom of the basket and laid them in his lap, letting the water of the stream soak into the miscolored fabric. The water pulled swirls of brown and purple from the sheets and Tavros scrunched his nose up in slight distaste. "I hope nothing's trying to drink downriver," he murmured to himself, working genetic material from the sheets in an attempt to get it to not be sticky later.

These sheets were white when they found them. Tavros snickered at the thought. They certainly weren't white now. Some funky dark brownish color, maybe... Tavros glanced at a splash of purple, immediately thinking of Gamzee, laying naked on his back, cheeks dusted purple, giving his deep purr/growl while Tavros touched him. 

Tavros shivered as his bulge pushed itself free, expecting Gamzee's warmth and finding nothing but cold water. "Aaaaand, I've done it again." Tavros lifted the sheets from the now less-than-clean water and set it back in the basket with all the other wet clothes. He looked down between his legs, cheeks brown. He looked around himself, but of course there was no one out here. Well, no except that bird over there. Tavros connected his mind to the bird's and gave it a single command.  _Go._ With a startled chirp and a flutter of feathers, the bird took off. 

Embarrassed at himself, looking anywhere but down, Tavros slid a hand to his bulge and started to rub it. He shivered again and shut his eyes, biting back a mewl and turning his thoughts to nothing but Gamzee. 

Sweet, perfect, gentle Gamzee, so strong and so fiercely beautiful. The quiet rumble of his growl, the easy sound of his wavy laugh, every curve of that sweet body, the taste of his lips, his skin, his bulge. Gamzee Makara, laying on his stomach, breathing harshly, a ray of sunlight making his hair look like liquid shadow, and his voice, rough and deep saying, "Damn, Tavvy, you are one hell of a miracle..."

Tavros hissed quietly and muttered Gamzee's name under his breath, panting softly and glancing down at the brown genetic material that mingled with the stream and was swept out of view. Satisfied, his bulge slid back in its sheathe and Tavros cleaned himself off, still blushing. "I have to stop doing that..." He told himself for about the hundredth time. 

Then there was a soft rustle, separate from the sound of the wind, and Tavros froze, naked and crippled, sitting helpless as something pushed through the bushes. A doe stepped warily forward, ears swiveling and velvety nose twitching. She made her way towards the water and Tavros communed with her.  

_Don't drink from here._

The deer turned her head and regarded Tavros with her dark eyes. He could feel her question as she asked why. 

_It's tainted. Find another place, noble beast._

She blinked slowly, swiveled her ears in one last check, then turned and bounded away with a flick of her tail. Tavros watched where it disappeared till the leaves fell still and then rubbed his temples. "I just had to tell off a deer so it wouldn't drink my bodily fluids. What is the world coming to."

With a sigh, Tavros began the struggle of getting himself back to his wheelchair with his basket and getting them both into said wheelchair. After a long struggle that lasted no less that ten minutes, Tavros settled the basket on his lap and began to wheel himself back towards the house. 

A little bit behind their little cabin in the woods, Gamzee had rigged up a clothesline and Tavros went there now, setting his current basket on the ground and picking up his second, dry basket. With his dry basket in his lap, he made his way around the clotheslines, taking down the sun-dryed clothes and their other set of sheets, folding them carefully before placing them in the basket. When he had them all, he put the dry basket on the ground again and grabbed the wet one, pinning up the laundry so the sun could do its part of the job. 

Seting the the wet basket down to dry for tomorrow, Tavros picked up the clean clothes basket and went back to the house, making his awkward way inside and shutting the door. He took the clothes to the bedroom and put them in their proper places, putting clothes back on as he found what he wanted to wear till he was fully dressed again. With a tired grumble, Tavros put the basket down in its place and wheeled his way to a window, attempting to check where the sun was. Gamzee probably wouldn't be back for a long while. 

Tavros sighed and slowly made his way to the little bookshelf Gamzee had built. It wasn't too pretty, but it served its purpose just fine. He ran his fingers lightly over the spines of the few books Gamzee had brought home for him before moving on to the collection of little trinkets Gamzee had correctly assumed Tavros would like. Little glass figures of flowers and animals, somehow still intact, an old Pokèmon Red cartridge, a stuffed bear, a few earrings, though Tavros' ears were not pierced, a ring that was too small for either of them and a fragile necklace he never wore. Little things, but Tavros loved them. Loved the bits of tangible proof that even when they were far apart, Gamzee always thought of him. He picked up the dirty little bear and ran his hands over the still-soft fur. "Hey little buddy." He set the bear in his lap and picked up the the first in the book series called  _A Song of Ice and Fire._ "Let's read about human 'siblings' having sex again."

 ~~~

Tavros was still reading his book, though the bear had been replaced, when Gamzee stepped through the front door, grey skin shining with water from his bath, dirty clothes tucked under one arm. Purple eyes met brown and the highblood's expression softened into happy love. "Tavros."

"Gamzee." Tavros dropped the book and held out his arms as Gamzee trotted to him and crawled into his lap, growling softly and rubbing his face against Tavros' chest. 

"Tavros~ Tavros~" Gamzee kissed Tavros full on the mouth and Tavros happily responded, grabbing a handful of the highblood's dark hard and running his other hand along Gamzee's still-wet body.

"You're getting my clothes wet," he murmured against Gamzee's mouth.

He felt the highblood smile. "Well, then let's get them motherfucking clothes off."

~~~

Later, having had sex and eaten lunch, Tavros was reading his book again, with Gamzee curled up in his lap, one leg stuck out over the arm of his wheelchair. Tavros unconsciously ran one hand through Gamzee's hair, occasionally making some soft noise or giving an expression appropriate to what was happening in his novel. Gamzee watched Tavros read, never once looking away from that beloved face. 

"Read to me?"

Tavros glanced down when Gamzee spoke, his eyes still distant for a moment as he came back to reality. "What?... You won't know what happening."

"Yeah, I know." Gamzee shifted, sitting up a bit and laying his head on Tavros' shoulder. "I just like to hear your voice."

"...Okay." 

So Tavros started to read aloud. Gamzee wondered if all the books Tavros liked were this dirty. He also wondered how Tavros could read the sex scenes without even the tiniest waver in his voice. He wondered a lot of things, but in the end he decided to just not ask. Ever. 

They stopped when Tavros got tired of reading. The lowblood rested his cheek against Gamzee's head and muttered, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna snuggle you."

Tavros laughed quietly. "Go ahead." Gamzee unfolded himself from his scrunched position on Tavros' lap and stretched before reaching for his matesprit. Tavros allowed himself to be lifted, wrapping his arms loosely around Gamzee's neck as the highblood carried him to their battered old couch and set him down, laying down beside him and wrapping all his long limbs around Tavros' body. 

The rest of the day was similarly lazy, consisting of a nap, a game of strip poker, sex again, more cuddles, dinner, then sleep.

With Gamzee snoring beside him, bare body lined with silver in the moonlight, Tavros propped himself awkwardly up to look at his matesprit and prayed that he would be safe when he left for town tomorrow. He laid a hand gently on Gamzee's cheek and the highblood snorted and opened his eyes. "Tav?"

"Yeah. Just me." He leaned down to kiss Gamzee's forehead. "Go back to sleep, okay?"

"Naw." Gamzee yawned and wrapped his arms around Tavros' waist. "Not until you tell me what you want."

Tavros gripped Gamzee's hands and sniffed. "I want you to stay."

"I know, I know..." Sitting up, Gamzee gathered Tavros in his lap and gently rocked him. He kissed the rustblood's head. "Do you want anything else?"

Tavros knew what Gamzee was asking, but instead of saying, 'No, I don't need sex,' like a normal person, he said, "Yeah, I could go for a candy bar."

Gamzee nodded seriously. "Alright." He laid back down, Tavros held to his chest, and was asleep again in a few minutes. Tavros listened to Gamzee's heart beating and did his best to ignore the fact that it could be the last time he ever heard it. 


	4. The Journey for Drugs

Gamzee woke up and carefully raised his head, making sure Tavros was still asleep. Shaking off the lingering feelings of dreams, he slid off the bed and looked down at his perfect matesprit. He was torn. Did he leave now and spare them both a messy goodbye? Or did he wake Tavros up, show him how much he loved him one more time before he had to leave for two or more days?

Tavros shifted, murmured in his sleep, and Gamzee held his breath until he stilled again.

Quietly, he crept around the bed to Tavros' side and went to his knees, laying his chin on the edge of the bed so that his face was inches from Tavros' head. He leaned forward and, with infinite care, touched his lips to Tavros' temple.

"Gamzee..."

Talking in his sleep. Gamzee answered him anyway. "I'm right here, Tavvy... Right here..." Tavros went quiet again.

Standing up, Gamzee thought about how Tavros would feel when he woke up alone. He always... Needed Gamzee in the mornings. Could he really call himself Tavros' matesprit if he left him to take care of those urges himself? And he hated being separated, could he really take Tavros' right to say goodbye?

Of course not.

Getting back on the bed, on all fours above Tavros, Gamzee placed his hands by Tavros' head and bent to kiss the lowblood on the lips. Tavros shifted, whined, gasped softly against Gamzee's lips.

"Gamzee."

Not sleep talking this time, tired hands wandering over his body, weak lips kissing him back, Gamzee laid on top of Tavros and felt the other's purr rumbling through his chest where their bare skin pressed together. Gamzee felt it when Tavros' bulge came free of its sheathe, pressing warm and wet against his thigh.

Tavros broke their kiss, still blinking away sleep, and said, "You have to leave today, don't you?"

"I do." Gamzee kissed Tavros' throat, humming in appreciation when the lowblood tipped his head back to make it easier. "So tell me what you want. I'll give you anything you want, just tell me."

"Nhg..." Tavros pushed a hand into Gamzee's hair, already starting to shake. "D-Don't be gentle, please... I-I want..." His words were interrupted by a soft sound of pleasure when Gamzee's bulge wrapped itself around Tavros'. "I want all of you," he gasped.

"As you wish," Gamzee rocked against him, rubbing their hips together and Tavros arched his back as best he could in response, mewling softly. Tavros was already pawing at him, begging for more, but Gamzee took a little bit longer to touch him gently, reluctant to start too soon. If Tavros' body wasn't ready he might hurt his matesprit.

Wriggling and whining, Tavros put his arms around Gamzee and forced him closer. "Gaaamzeeee!"

"Alright, alright, hold on..." Gamzee shifted as Tavros went still, the lowblood's powerful arms relaxing their iron grip. He pushed himself carefully into Tavros' nook, ready to back off at any sign of discomfort, but there was no resistance and Tavros purred deeply. "It this alright?"

"Mmhmm~" Tavros ran his hands along Gamzee's body, humming in pleasure when Gamzee started to move.

Tavros' body was familiar to Gamzee in the way his own voice was familiar- so constantly a part of him that it took no conscious effort to recognize it as himself. The gentle curves of his sides, the soft skin of his throat, the warmth of him, and that sweet smell that was purely Tavros. Every move he made was felt before and every sound that came from his parted lips was familiar, but Gog, Gamzee loved them just as much as the first day Tavros had let him touch that perfect, imperfect body.

Everytime he looked at Tavros, Gamzee thought of how beautiful he was, how absolutely beautiful. Maybe that was why he was so okay with the world ending. Because so long as Tavros was safe, his world was just fine.

Tavros gasped and raked his nails down Gamzee's back, managing to babble out Gamzee's name. The highblood growled softly, nuzzling his face against Tavros' neck and gently nudged his legs further apart, slamming against him harder and being rewarded with a yowl of pleasure from the lowblood.

Tavros gave another slight gasp and clung to Gamzee, a shiver rippling through him as he came, genetic fluid hot against both their bodies. Gamzee started to slow down and pull away but Tavros held him close and mewled, "Don't- Don't stop, please." Gamzee gave a soft growl of assent and continued, though not quite as roughly. Tavros didn't seem to notice the decrease in pace. Any friction against the sensitive walls of his nook made him shake and mewl quietly.

Eventually, trembling in Gamzee's arms, Tavros came a second time just as the highblood pulled away with a wavering gasp, purple genetic material soaking into the already wet bedsheets.

"Tavros..." Gamzee carefully laid down on top of the lowblood, pressing his ear to Tavros' chest to listen to his frantic heart. "Tavros..."

Tavros started to pet him gently, running a hand through his hair and down his back. Gamzee could feel Tavros' hands shaking. But now it was time for the worst part. He had to leave. Gamzee got his limbs under him and tried to push himself up, but Tavros grabbed onto him and held him down.

"No."

Gamzee shut his eyes and cursed whatever deity made this necessary. "Tavros, you know I gotta-"

"No." Tavros' voice shook with a note of panic that often heralded a full blown breakdown. "No, no you don't, I didn't mean it, please don't go, please."

Gamzee wrapped his arms around Tavros, turned his head to kiss his matesprit's throat. "I have to, baby, I do."

Tavros' grip relaxed and Gamzee pulled away, heart cracking into pieces when he saw the brown tears running down Tavros' cheeks. "Aw, come on Tavvy, don't..." Gamzee wiped the tears away and Tavros nuzzled his face against Gamzee's palm. "I'll be back quick as I can."

"And what if you don't come back?" Tavros took gentle hold of Gamzee's hand, tracing the lines and scars. "What do I do then?" A moment of silence, then, quietly, "There's no gun in this house."

Gamzee pretended to misunderstand. "You won't need a gun, brother, you'll be safe up here." He kissed Tavros' head, then both cheeks, then his lips. "And I'll come back. We highbloods are pretty tough to take out." Tavros didn't respond and Gamzee gently freed himself from the other troll's grip and got off the bed, throwing on his clothes as fast as he could and trotting out the door, snatching a large rucksack from the closet before darting out the front door, desperately attempting to block out the quietly destructive sound of Tavros' tears.

~~~

The day was hot and cloudless and by the time Gamzee completed his last Routine until he returned his shirt was stuck to him from sweat. Panting softly, Gamzee, on reflex, turned to go home, but stopped himself and turned back around, every beat of his heart pulsing painfully in his chest, already missing Tavros with a physical ache that went to his bones.

The forest around their home was thick with close growing trees of all kinds, from conifers, to oaks, to fruit-bearing. Many of those trees Gamzee had planted himself, shortly after they found the place, turning the forest into a protective maze and obliterating any sign of the old paths and roads. But like all things, the forest eventually came to an end at an old street whose paving had long since been destroyed by potholes and particularly determined plants.

Gamzee laid his hand on an oak scarred by six deep scratches. He pressed one horn to the bark and cut a seventh. Then he stepped out of the shelter of his territory and warily looked both ways before beginning the ten mile trek to the large town where he got whatever he needed.

The walk there was always spectacularly boring. There was a low amount of dead ones roaming around due to the fact that very few people had lived this far from the main town and there was approximately zero live people, human or troll, because, ya know, apocalypse. Gamzee walked with a steady pace, his long legs easily carrying him along the road, the rucksack held on top of his head to keep the oppressively scorching sun off his night-black hair.

He was still walking when the sun set and the first buildings started to appear out of the gloom by the time the moon reached its peak. As a troll, Gamzee's eyes worked very well in the dark and the full moon provided more than enough light to see by and as a highblood, he had far more stamina than all humans and most trolls, but the long hike with no rest still caused his legs to ache dully.

Careful to keep his steps quiet, Gamzee headed to a small, two bedroom house on a street whose name sign had long since rusted away. It had once been painted green, but exposure had the paint that was left peeling off in rotting layers and the wood beneath was less than stable looking. Climbing the three steps to the porch, Gamzee tested the doorknob to find that it was still locked. Reaching up to fumble along the top of the doorframe, Gamzee grimaced at the sticky feel of the dust and spiderwebs, grabbing hold of an old key and fitting it into the lock. The door came unlocked with a soft click and he eased the door open, wincing at the squeal of unoiled hinges.

He stopped in the doorway, head tilted as the final squeaks silenced. The house seemed empty. He closed the door and locked it, placing the key on top of the doorframe and creeping through the house. The entryway branched off in two directions and Gamzee went left, stepping into a filthy living room that reeked of rut and rot. Yellowed drapes, the ends black with mold, covered the dusty windows, but enough moonlight seeped through to illuminate the room to Gamzee's sensitive eyes and he moved quietly forward, stepping around the crumbled remains of a table and glancing at the old, stuffing-leaking couch that was stained with a myriad of filth, with the only identifiable marks being his own purple genetic material.

He continued into a run-down kitchen, freezing at the sound of rats scuttling away. Silence returned and he crept along the wall, slipping into a hallway and trotting quickly forward. He glanced into a small bathroom and found it empty before nudging open the door to the first bedroom and poking his head inside. He took a deep breath, searching for the telltale scent of rotted blood that accompanied the undead, but there was only the sick-sweet smell of mold. Gamzee started to snarl quietly, instinctively trying to comfort his own fear by intimidation of what scared him, but he clenched his jaw and forced himself back into silence, walking quickly across the room and stepping through the doorless frame that led to the second bedroom.

It was in remarkably good shape compared to the rest of the home, mostly empty due to the fact that all the rotting wood furniture had been removed, and a beam of moonlight shone through windows that were far cleaner than the others. The bed was just a mattress on the floor.

Gamzee, confident the house was still empty like he'd left it the last time he'd stayed there, exited the room, returning to the entrance before once again fully circling the building, checking that all the windows and doors were still either boarded or locked. Sure that he was as safe as he could be, Gamzee went back to the bedroom and, with a soft whine, curled up on the old mattress, using the rucksack as a pillow.

"Tavros..." He whimpered his matesprit's name and sniffed quietly, hot purple tears running slowly down his cheeks as he struggled to fall sleep.


	5. My Empire of Dirt

Gamzee was cold. That... Wasn't right. He couldn't be cold, because Tavros was warm, so warm, and always close, close enough to touch, but if Tavros was warm and close then why was he so cold? Gamzee reached out blindly and his hand touched cold mattress. His eyes snapped open and he stared, uncomprehending, at the filthy place he was curled up in. Then reality caught up and Gamzee shut his eyes again with a quiet groan of misery. 

Tavros was far away and he was all alone. 

Forcing himself to sit up, Gamzee ran a hand through his unkemp hair and, growling softly, started to get ready to go out. He was out the door in five minutes, taking a minute to feel some self pity over the fact that he had to get up at sunrise.

Clouds had rolled in during the night and the dusky look of sunrise was heightened by the coverage as well as a thin dusting of fog. The air felt wet and heavy, almost hard to breathe, and Gamzee sadly accepted that it was going to rain later. The rucksack on his back, he locked the door behind himself and put the key back in its place before going down the steps and trotting further into the town whose name he'd long forgotten. 

Many of the buildings he'd been in on previous visits, taking anything he wanted and marking the door with whatever was nearby. And, of course, the rare live being that passed through partook of the loot as well. The result was that there just wasn't too much to pick over, especially with someone with needs as specific as Gamzee's. All he could do was head to some houses or apartments and hope to come across the place of someone who'd had chronic back pains, or something like that. 

Gamzee's stomach growled and he whined softly, wishing he had Tavros' weird ability to find literal pounds of food just laying out in the open. He sniffed the air on reflex, though there was nothing but the heavy scent of water on the air, trudging along with his head down. 

After a good ten minutes, he finally made it to the houses and stores he'd yet to search and gratefully nudged open the door to a signless shop. A sour smell made him recoil, pulling his shirt up over his nose for protection and padding forward with narrowed eyes. The place had apparently been some kind of cake shop and sweeps-old confectionaries sat rotting in their displays, a few spots of bright, artificial colors shining through green-black-blue mold.

Breathing through his mouth to lessen the harsh odor, Gamzee walked past the remains of a gate and went to the back rooms, glancing at a grimy 'Employees Only' sign that hung on rusted screws. The reek of mold-eaten cake faded a bit as he went along and he breathed out hard through his nose in an effort to clear out some of the stench. 

The store was mostly empty. The food was rotten, the money was worthless, and the cabinets were full of dust and spiders. There wasn't even any dead roaming around in there. The only thing Gamzee bothered with before leaving was a half-destroyed copy of  _Fifty Shades of Grey_ and a still-working lighter to finish the job that water damage had started. 

Humming quietly, feeling marginally better, Gamzee used the book's ashes to mark the door before trotting to the next building- a Dollar General, judging by the font on what was left of the sign -and carefully opened the door, giving a soft sigh of relief when there was no high tintinnabulation of a bell. He crept in, running his tongue over his fangs and hoping that there was something edible. 

Most of the shelves that had carried the cheap, chemical pumped food of a dollar store were empty, either by people or by animals, but there was a box of Twinkies hidden in the shadows of a bottom shelf and Gamzee purred deeply, knowing that Twinkies were full of such an unGodly amount of chems that not even rot wanted it. 

Licking 'cake' off his fingers, something finally in his stomach, Gamzee continued to wander the store. He made his way to the kids' toy section, pawing ruined coloring books off the shelves and poking deflated rubber balls with the toe of his shoe. He went an isle over and purred almost inaudibly at the sight of plastic-preserved toys. From the 'boy's' section, he took a wrapped coloring book and ripped open the hard package with his teeth, taking the markers it came with before shuffling to the 'girl's' section and grabbing a still-bright Pinkie Pie toy, placing them carefully in a small side pocket on his rucksack. 

He looked a little more, but found nothing worth anything. As he was heading out the door the ghost of full withdrawal sank its serrated fangs into the base of his skull and he stumbled, leaning against the doorway and shaking until the episode passed. Covered in a thin sheen of pain-sweat, panting softly, Gamzee twisted around and pawed at the small side pocket on his rucksack that held a bottle of pills. Some small part of him recoiled from the bottle, bared its teeth and hissed at the demon in pill form. The larger part of him swallowed the drugs and kept going. 

Dragging his feet, he admitted to himself that Tavros was, as always, right. He was going to have to either start taking more or risk death by withdrawal. 

The dragon named Wrath that lay dormant in his soul raised its head and sniffed the air hopefully as Gamzee's face twisted into a hideous mask of absolute hatred. He hated this, hated the world, hated these weak human drugs, hated sopor, he hated it  _hated it **hated it.**_

A pressure started to build in his chest, a pressure that would not be denied, so he threw his head back and roared to the sky, every moment of anger, impatience, or annoyance over the past months exploding out of him all at once, here far away from sweet Tavros' ears. Bending to the ground, picking up a twisted hunk of metal, Gamzee started to beat an old car that lay lifeless on the road, all the while making noises of rage and fury that any human could instantly peg as the sound of their nightmares given life. Glass shattered, metal screamed off metal, sparks flew and plastic cracked, till the rusted piece in his hand was as twisted as his soul. He tossed it aside, face still wrenched into a snarl, purple spit dripping from fangs that longed to crack bone and tear flesh. 

Suddenly, with a clack of hooves, three wild deer bounded past him, showing the whites of the their eyes from fear of this roaring beast in their normally quiet home. Screaming, Gamzee chased blindly after them, vision misting red, the strength of a highblood carrying him fast enough that when he pounced he landed on the haunches of the slowest deer, dragging it down with his full weight, teeth and nails dug deep into its soft skin. 

Then everything went black until he found himself sitting amid blood and guts, covered in the redness, the rage dying down, that dragon curling back up to sleep. 

Gamzee looked at his hands. His murderous, blood-covered hands. "How," he said quietly, "could anyone ever love me?" He truly didn't understand why Tavros woke up in the morning and reached for him, why those brown eyes glowed with joy when he came home, why over and over he said, "I love you."

"I'm a monster," Gamzee grumbled, pushing himself up and walking away from the blood-soaked ground. Part of him fully and truly hated himself for the bloodlust that came hand-in-hand with this purple swill that pumped through his veins. The other part was laughing and clapping, wondering how it would feel to fuck Tavros in a pool of blood. 

Shaking his head, trying desperately to clear his conflicting thoughts, Gamzee made his way back to the run-down Dollar General, hoping that if he looked some more he'd find something to clean this blood off with. 

~~~

After two stores and a good hour of searching, Gamzee managed to find enough wet single pack napkins to clean himself, as well as some clothes that just about fit. Then, bored of going through shelves, Gamzee decided to head to the more residential areas. 

Walking rather slowly, he made his way down cracked roads that were crisscrossed with lines of green weeds, passing the remains of weather-beaten cars and the bones of long-dead people, trolls and humans alike. The houses he eventually came upon were the kind that were made in a line and all looked the same. A few were marked with smeared lines of chalk or ash or blood, but plenty were unchecked and Gamzee sped up, trotting lightly to one of the houses. The faded paint may have once been green and fake brickwork was cracking and crumbling away to show the concrete beneath. The front porch steps creaked ominously as Gamzee walked up them, white paint flaking off with each step. 

The door was ajar and Gamzee carefully nudged it fully open, sniffing at the air and padding silently forward, head ducked so his long horns wouldn't scrap against the top of the doorframe. There was no sound of shuffling feet or mindless groans that heralded the arrival of the dead that he could hear, but Gamzee stayed alert nonetheless, creeping through rooms and checking them quietly, pawing through drawers and shelves with infinite care. 

Eventually, he ended up in the kitchen. The room- in fact the whole house so far- was a lot tidier than the one he hunkered down in and he wondered briefly if someone else had been here and tried to stay. 

Well, he thought. They aren't here now. 

Glancing back to make sure nothing had snuck up behind him while he surveyed the kitchen, he made his wary way, tiptoeing to the cabinets and wrenching them open quickly in the hopes that it would minimize the squeaking. They opened silently. With one last nervous look around, he leaned forward to peer into the cabinet's shadowed interior, blinking at the sight of a few cans. He reached in and grabbed them, making a face of exasperation as he saw that the labels had been removed. 

Oh well. He shrugged off his rucksack and put the cans carefully in the bottom, setting the rucksack on the ground so it wouldn't make noise as he continued to search. A quick search of the other, oddly silent, top cabinets revealed several more cans, which he added to his pack, before he began bending awkwardly down to check the lower cabinets. 

They were mostly empty, save for old plastic containers that used to hold cleaning fluids, each one cracked or shattered in some way and some filthy rags that he stuffed around the cans in an attempt to quiet their clang when he had to move them. He was about ready to give up, but then figured he may as well finish what he started. 

Gamzee opened the kitchen's last cabinet and found a metal bucket. 

With a soft grunt of embarrassed surprise, he sat down on the dusty floor and carefully picked the bucket up. It  _seemed_ clean, other than the dust of course, and when he held it up to get the light to the bottom there wasn't anything... Funky. According to the faded label, it was stainless steel.

A low rumble of a purr had just started in his throat when, for the first time in two and a half sweeps, Gamzee heard the voice of a stranger. 

"Why do you trolls always go for the bucket?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to that person that requested an update last chapter


	6. Love Is Peace When Peace Is Fragile

Dirk Strider lowered his sword so that the tip was aimed towards the wavy-horned troll on the floor of his kitchen. The beast was tall, long legged and skinny, with a wasted look that Dirk instantly pegged for the weakness of an addict. He was twisting awkwardly to look at Dirk, his purple eyes- God, why did it have to be a highblood?- flicking to Jake standing close behind him. He sniffed the air, sneezing to disguise the fact, before giving a lazy, too-wide grin. It was goofy and cute and never reached his eyes, a practiced motion meant to relax whoever made him feel threatened. 

"He~ey, brothers. What's up?"

Dirk narrowed his eyes, wishing for the hundred thousandth time that he still had his shades. Behind him, Jake gently laid a hand on his lower back, silently reassuring him that he was still there. Dirk widened his stance, ready to dash one way or the other should the troll charge. "Nothing much. You?"

The troll tipped his head, wild curls falling into his face. "Just trying to keep alive. Say," he blinked innocently at them both, "did you two hear something earlier? Real loud yelling or something."

Dirk gave a single nod, not trusting the relaxed look of the troll's body. He's seen for himself how fast those things could move, alive or dead. "We did."

"Wonder what that was." The troll shifted his whole body so he didn't have to strain his neck, but he kept the bucket hidden behind himself, like he thought Dirk didn't know he had it. "Is this your house?"

"It is." 

"Oh. Sorry." Purple eyes flicked from one place to the other, searching for escape. "Uh... Your bucket too?" 

For some reason Dirk couldn't fathom, the troll blushed, a purple haze across his cheeks and ear tips. "Yep. My bucket." 

"Oh." He moved like he planned to stand up and Dirk stepped forward quickly, pressing the blade to the beast's throat. 

"Sit." 

The troll's grin vanished, his eyes narrowing to slits of calculation and anger. Huge fangs were poking out from beneath the troll's upper lip and Dirk thought it was intentional. 

"Alright, alright..." Slowly, the troll sat back down. "You don't have to be so mean about it."

"Dirk..." Oh no. Jake, stupid sweetheart, was about to say something completely ridiculous. "Can't we just let him go?" Aaaaand there it is. 

"No. Of course not. He knows we're here, he might come back." The troll's pupils narrowed into slits like a cat's as he heard Dirk's words, as he realized he wasn't leaving here alive. A look came into his eyes, a look of hatred so hot and so pure that a cold sweat broke out on Dirk's skin. 

"I don't think it's very wise to threaten me like that." The troll's voice, earlier wavy and soft, had deepened, steadied, turned into something colder than black ice. 

Dirk saw the troll's muscles tense and he struck out, desperate to kill him before he could get Jake. The blade, previously at the highblood's neck, wasn't fast enough to reach its target. The troll stood up so quick that the sword slid cleanly into his chest, missing everything vital. There was a blur of grey and before Dirk could turn he was struck hard enough in the face to send him flying into the wall. He blinked away stars and watched the troll rip the sword from his own chest, grinning savagely at the deep purple blood that erupted from the wound and stained his shirt. 

Then the damn thing laughed, a deep chuckle, and took a half step towards Jake. 

Come on Jake, he thought. Aim for its head. 

Jake was shaking visibly. On his feet, the troll was easily more than a head taller and the horns made it even more obvious. But Jake pulled his guns out, one for each hand, and aimed them both at the troll. 

Good, Dirk wanted to say. There's a good boy, take him out. 

The troll tipped his head, all malice fleeing from his face, a soft look in his eyes and a sweet smile on his face. 

_God, please no._

Jake hesitated while Dirk desperately tried to take in enough air to scream at him to just do it already. 

"Hey, little human-brother. Who are you?"

Jake's gun muzzles lowered from the thing's head. "Um... J-Jake."

The troll ducked his shoulders and lowered his head, clearly trying to look smaller, and purred like a giant cat. "My name's Gamzee."

"H-Hello there." Jake's guns lowered further. 

Dirk gasped, coughed, screamed,  _"JAKE, YOU HAVE TO KILL IT!"_

Jake whipped his head around to look at Dirk - _no, babe, no, don't show it your throat-_ and Gamzee shot him a look of pure hatred while Jake was distracted. 

Gamzee lowered himself to all fours, a hideous, spider look from Dirk's perspective. The still-bleeding troll whined softly and Jake turned, weakly bringing up a single gun. 

"I'm sorry." That wavy tone was back again. "He just scared me is all, I didn't mean to hurt him." He blinked big purple eyes at Jake. "He stabbed me, so... Even?" He tipped his head like a dog and Jake smiled weakly. 

"Just so, old chap." Jake spoke like he would to a puppy and Dirk fought to get up, acutely aware that Gamzee was still holding his sword. Each gasped breath sending a spike of pain through his chest, Dirk staggered up and forward, not entirely sure as to what he could even do in the state he was in. Gamzee glanced at him, bared his huge teeth. 

"Just sit down now, snowflake."

Jake- damn him- giggled, the sound quickly choked off. He shifted, putting one gun carefully away. "I think he's alright, Dirk. And you _were_  the one that hit first, so..." Gamzee grinned, triumph open on his face, and he shifted closer to Jake, leaning against the man's legs and purring when Jake patted him on the head. "Look Dirk! He's like a big ol' pup!"

At the word 'pup' Gamzee did exactly what Dirk expected him too. He furthered his act- and Dirk had no doubt that it was an act- by rolling over onto his back. Jake immediately put away his other gun and got down to rub the troll's flat stomach, smiling when he continued to purr. 

Dirk grimaced at the pain that still throbbed through his body and started to limp quickly away, reluctant to leave gullible little Jake alone but not wanting to leave the troll untethered. He went through mostly empty rooms until he made it to the supply cache and painfully bent to grab a coil of rope, forcing himself to return to the kitchen in a painful lope. 

Jake was still petting Gamzee, stupid man, and the troll's face was one of happy contentment until Dirk's appearance soured it into simmering hate. 

"Here." Dirk tossed Jake the rope. "Tie him up."

Jake caught it and blinked, green eyes startled. "But Dirk-"

"No, Jake!" He coughed, wheezing to regain his breath. "I can't fight like this. I think he broke a rib, maybe two or three. Tie him up and we'll talk about what to do with him later. Okay?"

"Gosh dilly, Dirk! I think you're overreacting." But he did as Dirk asked, and the troll sat up quietly and let himself be tied. For some reason he couldn't quite figure out, Dirk didn't like that he let himself be tied. 

"Now come on..." Dirk limped away and the sound of Jake's footsteps followed. 

"Dirk..."

Dirk didn't let him speak. "No. Before you give me some 'I'll feed it and water it' speech, I want you tell me what you know about trolls." In pain, Dirk leaned against a wall and slid to the floor, keeping his eyes on the door to the kitchen. Suddenly, he realized that he'd forgotten his sword. He found he didn't have the strength to stand. 

"Good gracious, Dirk, are you all right?" Jake knelt by his side and gently put a hand over Dirk's. Dirk nodded stoically. Jake sat down and crossed his legs, glancing towards the doorway before starting to answer. "Let's see, trolls... Well, I've never actually seen one, what with my... Isolation and all... But I've heard people talk about them! They're tough and fast, but dumb, like dogs with a human's vocal cords."

Dirk laughed weakly then groaned at the pain the motion caused. "English, no. Just... No. Yeah, they're tough as hell and the purpler their blood the faster they get, but they are most certainly not dumb. Most are probably smarter than your average human and they're clever, God they're clever. I've never seen anyone plan a fight or play a war game like a troll. They... They guess things, I suppose, and those things end up being spot on." Dirk nodded towards the door. "That bastard knew, the second he looked at you he knew, that you were his only chance. If he could get you, then he could get out."

Jake looked at his hands and fiddled with his shirt hem. "So... I'm gullible."

"Extremely." Dirk's eyes flicked shut and he couldn't make them open. 

"Ah... Dirk?" Why did Jake sound so far away? Did he move? "Dirk?! Come on old chap, don't clock out on me here you tallywacker." 

Don't go Jake, Dirk thought as he drifted into unconsciousness. I don't want to be alone. 

~~~

Everything hurt. A headache pulsed in his head, every breath sent spikes of glass through his ribs, his stomach was a knot of nausea, and his legs were asleep. 

Dear Lord, Dirk thought, if I'm dying just go ahead and take me home. 

"He's awake." 

Who was that...? Dirk didn't recognize the voice but his head hurt too much for him to open his eyes. 

"Dirk!" 

Jake. Jakey. JakeJake. Jake English. Jake Strider. Strider? No, not Strider. 

"Dirk, come on, open your eyes for me buddy."

Dirk forced his eyes open and groaned. "Can't a girl get her beauty sleep?"

"Dirk, you're not a girl." There was relief in Jake's voice. 

"Shit bro, since when?" Dirk held up a hand and Jake took it, helping him sit up. 

"Since birth, Dirk." Gently, Jake held a bottle of clean water to Dirk's lips and Dirk drank weakly. 

"So," he managed to sit up straight and get a full breath. "You're saying someone straight up did the ol' switcharoo on me when I was still in the womb?"

"Yep." Jake set the bottle down and carefully wrapped his arms around Dirk. Quietly, he whispered, "You really scared me there."

Dirk didn't speak, he just tipped his head so his cheek was pressed to Jake's hair. 

"Not that this isn't cute, but..."

That voice. Dirk whipped his head around, hissing in pain, adrenaline already pushing back the aches and dulling the spikes. Gamzee was crouched like a tiger a mere foot away, the body that had previously seemed wasted to Dirk now taking on a more powerful air of lean muscles. Dirk flailed in an attempt to stand, Jake holding him down,  _betraying_ him, and all the while those cold purple eyes watched. 

"Dammit Jake, what are you doing?!?" 

Jake laid on top of him and Gamzee grinned, a twisted expression. Dirk was too weak to push him off. 

"Dirk, it's okay, it's okay, he- he saved you Dirk, he made you better, it's alright, it's fine." Jake pushed himself up a bit to make eye contact and Dirk glared at him. Jake wriggled uncomfortably. "He... He won't hurt you any more if you don't hurt him. He promised."

"Lotta good that's worth," Dirk spat. But when Jake moved off of him, Dirk just rolled over, putting his back to them both. He heard them muttering, talking quietly to each other, but he pretended that he didn't. 

Then the sound of cloth hitting floor came and a quiet, "Oh my," from Jake. Dirk rolled back over painfully, making a face of disgust at the now-shirtless troll in his house. The sword wound had scabbed over, but his grey skin was still covered in a layer of dried purple blood. Some weird marks were on his sides, just below the ribs and for some reason he didn't have nipples. Then Jake reached up to touch the tall beast's shoulder and Dirk saw the bite. 

"I told you," Dirk croaked, "to kill him. Aren't I always right?"

"Maybe it's nothing." Jake's voice was tight with panic and Gamzee's face had a smug look that Dirk wanted to smack off. 

"Don't worry about it brother." Gamzee grabbed Jake's hand before it could touch the raw-looking wound and- with a deliberate glance at Dirk- kissed the back before letting him go. Jake flushed red, much to Dirk's fury. "It ain't from the dead." 

"Someone  _living_ bit you?" Dirk coughed a laugh. "Sure grey-skin. What, finally find something alive and decided to rape it?" Dirk knew he'd struck a nerve with that. Even with Jake in front of him, every mask Gamzee had put up crumbled and a look of black hatred twisted his face. Dirk grinned. "Oooh, I'm right aren't I? Poor little troll, no better than an animal, got some poor girl- or was it a boy?- and did whate~ver he wanted, right?" Gamzee was shaking with rage now, taking stiff-legged steps forward despite Jake clinging to his arm. "Yeah, you did, and they probably screamed and I bet you liked that, huh? Did they bleed too, Gamzee? Did you like it better when they bled?"

Gamzee easily shook Jake off and he fell on his butt with a squeak. The troll went to all fours, hit the floor at Dirk's head hard enough to punch through it, and roared. 

Oh God, _he's_ what they'd heard, that hideous sound echoing through the whole city. 

And fear locked Dirk's muscles into a painful tension, each breath agony, his own pounding heartbeat drowned out by that terrible noise, his vision taken up completely by yellowed fangs and the red-pink flesh of the inside of a predator's maw. 

Please, Jake, please, shoot him already, what more do you need?

The noise finally, blessedly, stopped and Gamzee's deep purple eyes seared into his. "I. Am not. An animal." He bared his teeth for a moment more before getting up and stalking away, rage radiating off of him. 

Jake gave Dirk a sad look of pain and confusion. "Why would you do that?" He got shakily up. "He's the first living being we've seen in years, the only proof we're not alone, and it's like you just want him dead." Jake chased after Gamzee before Dirk could answer and the Strider sighed. 

Poor stupid Jake. He was going to get himself killed while Dirk lay here, barely able to breathe. Closing his eyes, he did his best to go back to sleep, wanting every second he could take to heal. Sleeping made you heal faster, didn't it?

He hoped so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Chapter name taken from the song 'Fragile' by the band 'Poets of The Fall'.-
> 
>  
> 
> (They're a very good band and I suggest you listen to them.)


	7. A Lot of Hoopla, and Other Such Problems

Jake followed Gamzee from the room, leaving Dirk to rest. "Gam! Gamzee, my boy, please slow down, I'm sorry about my boyfriend!" The troll looked over his shoulder, anger still simmering in his eyes. 

"I didn't do anything like that," Gamzee growled. "There's lines even I won't cross and that's sure as hell one of them."

"I know, I know, I believe you." Jake put a hand on Gamzee arm, pity stirring in his chest. "Dirk just acts a little bit... Harsh... When he's scared."

The big troll's expression softened and he whined. Jake patted him again and he sat down, leaning against Jake's legs. Jake started to pet his wild curls and he purred, a deep, rumbling sound. Jake wondered how Dirk could be so worried about this big ol' teddy bear of a troll. "Hey, are you hungry? We don't have much food, but I'm sure there's enough for one more person..."

Gamzee chuffed softly, rubbing one horn against Jake's side. "I haven't had a thing today, brother. Starving right to death."

"Oh, you poor bastard." Jake patted Gamzee once more between his horns and said, "Stay!" Gamzee watched him with wide eyes as he walked off and Jake wondered where all that bluster about trolls being secretly geniuses came from. Dirk was probably just yanking his chain again... But it did seem like an odd time for bamboozling... 

He scratched up some food and bandages and returned to find Gamzee sitting exactly where he'd told him to. "Good boy!" He pinched the troll's cheek and Gamzee growled softly in response, shaking Jake free and sniffing for the food. He attempted to eat the bandages and Jake tapped his nose. "No, no, not those!" He handed over the scraps and started to wipe away some of the purple blood while Gamzee ate, wrapping him up when he was done, making sure to get both the stab and the bite. 

"Ah... Gam?"

"Mm?" Gamzee smiled crookedly. 

"If you don't mind me asking... Who bit you?"

Gamzee smile faltered. "It was..." He looked away, apparently gathering his thoughts. "My matesprit just gets a little rough sometimes."

"Your what?" Jake sat down, interested. He'd read somewhere that trolls had different words for things and he was eager to learn what those words were. 

Gamzee glanced at him, clearly trying to think of the human version of the word. "I said matesprit, it's like... What did you say earlier? Boyfriend?"

Jake nodded. "Yes, that means me and Dirk are dating."

Gamzee made a face. "Not boyfriend then, I knew that didn't sound right... What was it... Wife? Is wife the word?"

"Oh." Jake sat up straight, suddenly intensely relieved that they hadn't killed this troll. He had a wife waiting for him. "Oh my. Good gracious, I didn't think there were any married couples left."

Gamzee's face flickered between excitement and uncertainty. Jake figured that he was reluctant to talk about his wife to a stranger in this world but that he also really, really wanted to talk about her. 

"My matesprit..." Gamzee looked down at his hands, a love so pure shining from his face that it took Jake's breath away. "My matesprit is the most perfect troll to ever exist. He-" Oh shit wuddup, not a wife after all, "-is everything good in this world, everything worth living for." Hot purple tears filled Gamzee's eyes and Jake was shocked to see the troll cry. "I promised him I'd come home, Jake, I promised him." He sniffed and looked up miserably. 

Jake rushed to comfort him. "Don't worry, you'll get to see him again! I'll talk to Dirk, make him see reason, okay? I just know you two would get along smashingly if he wasn't such a worrywart. Now, don't give me that look, you'll see! You two will be pals in no time at all." Confident in his ability to sway Dirk to his side, Jake pushed himself to his feet, hands on his hips. "I swear to you, you'll see your sweetheart again."

Gamzee nodded and looked down at the ground, still clearly unhappy. Jake turned and trotted quickly back to the room where Dirk lay before his courage fled him, determined to help his new friend. "Dirk, we need to ta-"

"Sleeping."

Jake's mouth opened and closed soundless a few times before he rediscovered his voice. "Bu- But it'll only take a moment and yo-"

"I'm. Sleeping."

"Dammit, Dirk!" Jake clenched his fists, sick of being brushed off by this snarky Strider. "I'm not some child you can tell off for wanting a real discussion about something that deeply affects me! Now stop being an emotionless asshole and act like human being for once!" One orange eye was trained on him as he spoke, his voice rising with each word until he was practically screaming. 

"Keep your voice down." Dirk closed his eyes again. "Gamzee's screeching was already bad enough. You want to draw every walker from town here?"

Jake took a half-step back, a blanket of shock momentarily suppressing his anger before blowing it's flame into a wild blaze. "Fine," he hissed. "I hope they come and eat you alive." 

"Jake." 

Jake ignored him, turning and leaving the room, unaware at how much his exit mirrored Gamzee's just minutes before. 

He didn't hear Dirk's miserable, "I'm sorry."

Gamzee turned his head when Jake entered, the brief hope dying from his bright eyes at the look on Jake's face. 

"Oh." He ducked his head, tears starting to come again. 

"Come on, we're leaving." Jake's words, shaking with anger, made Gamzee's face break into a huge grin. 

"Yes sir!" He jumped up and followed Jake around as he shoved his belongings in a bag and threw it over his shoulders, holding Gamzee backpack out to him. 

"Here. Put this on and let's go." 

Purring deep in his chest, Gamzee complied, following obediently behind as Jake stomped angrily out the back door and slammed it behind himself, wanting Dirk to hear it. "You lead the way, I suppose, let's get you home."

Gamzee shook his head. "Nope. Can't leave yet, I don't have what I came for."

Jake blinked. "Then... What did you come for?"

The troll flushed in embarrassment. "Before... Before everything, I took some stuff I shouldn't have took and I took a lot of it. Your human drugs keep the withdrawal back."

"Oh." Jake never would have guessed that Gamzee had a drug problem. A memory brushed at the edges of his mind and he struggled to grab it like someone would struggle to grab the soap in a bath full of water. "Hold on, I..." He furrowed his brow and hit his temple with the heel of his palm. "I think I saw... I saw a bottle of something, but where... Ah! By Jove, I've got it!" On impulse, he took Gamzee's hand and started to haul the troll behind him. "Tally-Ho old boy! Let's go!"

Gamzee gave a soft rumble and let himself be led, his long legs easily keeping pace with Jake's speedy trot away from house and Dirk. 

\---

Dirk was snapped out of his miserable self-loathing- why couldn't he just keep his damn mouth shut?- when the sound of the back door being slammed echoed hollowly throughout the building. Then there was silence. 

"Jake?"

He called softly enough that he could tell himself that Jake just didn't hear. 

"Jake?!"

Louder this time, his voice filling the room with a painfully empty pressure. 

_"Jake, please!"_

Nothing. 

"Jaaaake..." Dirk groaned and his eyes pricked with heat but he refused to cry. "Please don't go." Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he rolled onto his stomach and rose to all fours, inching his painful way to the kitchen, the last place he'd seen his sword. It was still laying on the ground where that troll had dropped it, a rust-causing layer of blood still on its blade. Weakly, he took it and sat back, managing to wipe it clean and slide it into the sheathe that was still hooked onto his hip.  

Already winded, he dragged himself through the house to the back door, breathing heavily and painfully through his mouth. After a short moment to rest, Dirk stretched up on his knees and reached the door handle, managing to get the door open before he promptly fell through it and tumbled down the steps to the hard earth. 

Wheezing with agony, arms wrapped tight around his bandage-bound ribs, Dirk pushed himself forward a few centimeters at a time with his legs, aiming for the branches that littered the ground beneath a near-dead Bradford Pear. He made it and laid on the ground without moving, rewarding himself with a few slightly-less-painful breaths. Then he began searching the branches for one that would take his weight.

He had to drag himself to the other side of the tree to find a suitable branch and when he did he got to his feet, leaning heavily on the makeshift cane. Standing didn't help the pain at all. With anther soft groan of pain, Dirk started to hobble slowly around the house, signs of Jake and his troll buddy's passage still clear on the ground. 

"Jake... I'm sorry, wait... Wait..."

\---

Jake sneezed and immediately clapped his hand over his mouth and nose, glancing nervously around. Already he and Gamzee had come across dozens of walkers, each one taking a winding road towards the house where Dirk lay. Jake hadn't mentioned Dirk and had been pretending like he didn't care about the fact that so many of those monsters where shambling towards him, but Gamzee saw right through him. He'd killed every single one of the reanimated dead with a reassuring smile and a pat on the head. 

"Why do you keep doing that?" Jake finally asked when Gamzee returned from taking out the zombies attracted by Jake's sneeze. 

"I can see you're scared for your matesprit." Jake fought the urge to say that they were most certainly  _not_ matesprits. "You had a fight with him, but that don't mean you want him hurt. I just wanna help is all."

Jake muttered something that might have been a thanks, confused over his own feelings. Did he really like Dirk? Or did he just like the idea of being cared for? Was it just the fact that Dirk was the only person around that pushed them together? Jake shook his head, trying to push away thoughts of Dirk. He had to focus on helping Gamzee get what he wanted and then take him back home to his 'matesprit'. 

"Here it is." Jake stopped at a pathetic excuse for a building, the structure having been considered run down even before everything went to hell. "I think it was a drug den before. There's still some stuff in there if you want to look around." Gamzee grunted and made to step through the gaping hole of a doorway that no longer held a door. He paused and looked at Jake, one dark eyebrow raised. "I'd rather stay out here. That place gives me quite a few collywobbles!" Gamzee shrugged and stepped silently into the dark building and a groan of unsteady supports was audible even to Jake. 

"Get out quickly, my friend," Jake whispered, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. He glanced around at the rubbish-lined, body-littered alley, trying not to think about the fact that those undead had once been normal people. Minutes passed as Jake still stood alone, no sign of Gamzee. Minutes more and Jake started to get worried. He poked his head into the doorway and hissed, "Gamzee!"

There was a shuffle, then a thud, and a ruffled looking Gamzee appeared at the end of the dark room. "Mm... What?"

"What are you doing over there? Come on! We've got to go!"

Gamzee rubbed at his eyes like he was tired and stumbled over, nudging Jake gently aside to step outside, into the grey light offered by the clouds that had only darkened since that morning. He looked around slowly, blinking. "Damn bro... Clouds, ammirite..."

"Um... What?" Jake was confused. What was he talking about? Why did he look so spacey? Gamzee turned his head and grinned stupidly, eyes half closed.

"He~y there... Ya know, you're kinda cute."

Jake felt his cheeks burn and he ducked his head. "Now, now, Gamzee. You've got a matesprit, remember?"

"Ain't got no kismesis." He tipped his head, dark curls sticking out in every direction but down. "You wanna fu-"

There was a weak noise from down the alley and Jake turned, desperate for some kind of distraction that would stop Gamzee from finishing that sentence. He let out a wail of distress to see Dirk, dragging himself forward on a twisted tree branch that seemed barely strong enough to hold him. "Dirk?!" Jake bolted towards Dirk, all his previous misgivings about their relationship momentarily forgotten at the sight of him. 

Dirk looked up, a confused look on his face. He saw Jake and something like a smile flickered across his lips. "Hey... Hey Jakey... Where is everyone...?" He looked around himself, taking a shuffling step forward. "Everyone is gone for some reason."

"Dirk?" Jake reached out his arms and Dirk collapsed against him, muttering to himself. Panicking, struggling to hold Dirk up, Jake twisted around and shouted for Gamzee. 

The troll staggered drunkenly over and Jake suddenly regretted letting the addict go into an old drug den alone. "What is up my little miracle?"

"Something..." Jake shifted his grip on Dirk and the blond snored. "Something's wrong with Dirk, he didn't remember why the streets are empty."

"Shit bro, I just gave him a concussion or some shit like that." Gamzee scratched at the bandages on his chest. "I'm sure he'll be... Right as a table! No that ain't right, it ain't table..." A drop of rain landed on Gamzee's nose and the troll blinked before snickering quietly. "Yeeaaaah, that was it. Rain. Right as rain."

Another drop followed the first, then another, and another. Soon, there was a steady drizzle and Jake desperately attempted to convince Gamzee to carry Dirk while he thought of a place other than the drug house to take shelter. With a sleeping Dirk in Gamzee's arms, Jake led the way through the streets, going to the first place he thought of and ushering Gamzee inside. 

The old Dollar General was dusty and wrecked, but dry and Jake attempted to brush some of the water from his clothes while Gamzee set Dirk down on a broken coveyor belt. The purpleblood looked around, a look of intense concentration on his face, before he smiled and said, "I was here earlier today. Mmhmm, yeah." 

"You were?" Jake took off his damp shirt, ignoring the look Gamzee gave him. "What for?"

Gamzee didn't answer. He just wandered off, starting to sing a song Jake had never heard. "You're the heaart of my teeemple of thoought!"

Jake sighed and went wearily to Dirk's side. "What were you thinking?" He spoke quietly, brushing pale, uncut hair back from Dirk's forehead. "Hmm? Why didn't you just wait?"

"You might not have come back."

Jake jumped in shock, just biting back a small, startled noise. Dirk chuckled weakly and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I'm such a dick."

"It's alright." Jake took Dirk's hand and awkwardly patted the back of it. 

"It's not... But thanks." Dirk grunted and tried to sit up before slumping back down with a hiss of pain. "Damn... That stings. Hey, help me get somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"Sure, Dirk." Jake carefully picked up his boyfriend and, arms already starting to ache from the effort, carried him further back in the store before laying him on the floor and cushioning him with half-destroyed dollar store pillows and blankets. 

"That's a hell of a lot better." Dirk sighed, his bright orange eyes flickering shut. Jake laid down beside him and watched him breath for a minute before shutting his own eyes. It wasn't even that late, but the excitement of the day had thoroughly drained him. When Gamzee curled up at his back, close enough that they touched, he was already too close to sleep to notice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, it just occurred to me that one of my most thought out stories is, at its core, a GamTav smut compilation, I ain't even mad.


	8. The Morning After

The last thing Gamzee remembered was eating something he probably shouldn't have from the floor of a drug den before he woke up on the floor of a trashed building in a nest of pillows and blankets, a half-naked Jake sleeping beside him. 

What the hell happened last night?

He shifted, felt skin on skin, and looked down to see his pants pulled down to his knees. 

_What the hell happened last night?_

Awkwardly pulling his pants up while still laying on his back, Gamzee glanced to his left at Jake, still sleeping, and the almost-hidden form of Dirk beside him. He rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself onto all fours, noting with relief that both humans were neither fully undressed nor purple-splattered. Shaking himself a bit, a headache just beginning, Gamzee got to his feet and snuck off, just then noticing the harsh drill of pouring rain. 

He had a hunger and it was not a hunger for food. 

Creeping through the store, following the vaguest impression of a memory, Gamzee found his rucksack and pawed it open, breath speeding up at the sight of yellow bottles. Each one was dirty, many were cracked, all were shoved full of a myriad of pills with no regard for order. Whining, he pulled one out, turned the top, got nothing but clicks, growled deep in his chest then whimpered in self-pity, finally getting it open and shaking out three random drugs, none alike. He shoved them in his mouth, swallowed them dry, started to cough. The bottle slipped free of his weak fingers. 

It crashed to the floor with enough force to shake Gamzee's bones- or maybe he imagined that part- and pills flew, skidding, rolling, bouncing across the dirty floor and Gamzee choked on panic, forgetting for a moment that there was plenty more in the bag. 

He started to paw them gently together into a pile, but the floor wouldn't stop shaking and they kept rolling away and it hurt, whatever was in him  _hurt,_ and he didn't want it anymore, didn't want it, go away go away, Tavros help me please, it won't go away. 

He crawled a few feet away, threw up purple bile and fell in it, crying, sick, too weak to move and everything kept shaking and bleeding and shaking, and why were the walls bleeding brown?

"My God!"

A voice- who was it again?- and then hands, cold as ice against him, pulling him away from his own mess, rolling him over and wiping him clean before removing ruined bandages. 

"You silly troll." Tavros laid a hand on his cheek and smiled softly. "What am I going to do with you?" Gamzee tried to speak but he couldn't, so he just looked up at that glowing, beautiful, angel face and he cried. Tavros rested a hand over Gamzee's heart and said, "You'll be okay for me, won't you?" Gamzee nodded weakly. Anything, he wanted to say. Anything for you. Then Tavros got up and walked away and Gamzee wanted to call him back, but he couldn't, couldn't call him back, so he laid alone and cried as someone pulled away the last of his bandages. 

Then he blacked out, coming back to as Dirk slapped him hard across the face. 

"Ouch." 

Dirk grunted and shifted away from him, laying back down and saying, "Well, if you can hurt then you're alive, so good for you."

Gamzee rubbed his hand over his cheek, aching all over, his head still not entirely clear from whatever was in his system, and still-  _still!-_ feeling that gnawing need. "What happened?" He managed to grumble, closing his eyes against the too-bright light, wanting to close his ears to the too-loud rain. 

"You took too much too fast and your weird troll body tried to save you instead of shutting down like a reasonable body would do." Dirk chuckled dryly. "Speaking of your weird troll body, your hentai thing made Jake pass out."

"My what?"

"Dude, you realize you're naked, right?"

Gamzee looked down and, sure enough, he was wearing absolutely nothing. "Why...?"

Dirk closed his eyes and laid his hands on his stomach. "You started bleeding again and guess what, it's purple. Then something purple started staining your pants and Jake kinda made this screechy noise and I dragged my beat up ass over there- Thanks for that by the way."

"Anytime." Gamzee tucked his legs close to himself and hugged them, his chin on his knees. 

"Anyway... He stripped you completely right when I got my poor self over there and wow. Just, wow man." Dirk made a hand motion. "Not only are you probably the owner of the largest sex organ I've ever seen aside from a whale's, but you also have to have it in hentai form for some sick reason, I mean what kind of weird biological 'fuck you Dirk Strider' is that, like, damn nature, why you gotta make me feel so inferior."

Gamzee blinked, slowly managing to process Dirk's rush of words, his calm face and body at direct odds with the tone of hysteria that had crept into his rant. And he was not yet done. 

"Like, wow, you watch hentai once and suddenly it's everywhere, right? Tumblr, YouTube recs, Pinterest for some weird reason, like haha, I get it, people are into that, I made a mistake, please stop now! Kinda like when you watch a terrible show on Netflix but it keeps popping up its own little Because You Watched category and-"

Gamzee growled, baring his teeth in a threat. "You're hurting my head."

"Yeah, sorry, I just get ranty, I'm sorry, you did give me a concussion though, I'll stop now, where's Jake?"

Gamzee groaned and rubbed his temples, laying down and pressing his face to the cold, filthy floor. 

"Dude, at least put on some clothes."

Covering his head with his arms, Gamzee tried to block out as much sound and light as possible. There was a grunt of pain and the rustle of fabric, then a blanket was thrown over him. He grabbed it and pulled it over his head, curling up in a ball. 

"You're welcome, you absolute assbracket."

Maybe Dirk wasn't the  _worst_ human Gamzee had ever come across after all... He was still a pansy ass bitch though. 

~~~

Gamzee slept and woke up feeling marginally better. His body wasn't aching quite so much and the need was closer to the usual levels, manageable at the least. He pushed the blanket away from his face and peeked out, slowly letting in light. When it didn't feel like hot needles stabbing through to his brain, he fully emerged, blinking in the dull grey light, rain still drumming. 

Gog, he hated rain, hated it so much, you couldn't move in rain, rain kept him from Tavros. Pain lanced his heart at the thought of that beautiful troll and he suddenly had the foolish thought that he'd seen Tavros today, somewhere. He kept thinking of Tavros and it kept hurting and in some way he felt like he deserved that pain. He wondered what Tavros would have thought if it had been at his feet Gamzee had fallen, convulsing, writhing in his own vomit because he was too weak to put the bottle back in the bag. 

"Hey there..." 

Jake's soft, you're-stupid-so-I-talk-like-this voice broke into his thoughts and he started to glare at him but changed the expression last minute to gentle curiosity as to why the nice smart human was talking to him. "Hmm?"

Jake crouched down and ran a hand across his head and Gamzee purred as Jake expected him to, letting his eyes flick shut. 

"Umm... Dirk said I should apologize for the whole stripping you down thing, so, ah, apologies?"

"Accepted." Gamzee grumbled the word grudgingly, hot shame at being reminded that a near stranger- actually, two near strangers- had seen his bulge, a purple blush rising to his cheeks. 

There was a soft noise as Jake- Gamzee half opened an eye to look- sat down and crossed his legs. He then leaned over and got his arms under Gamzee's armpits before hauling the troll's upper half into his lap. Gamzee allowed the insulting gesture if only to keep this foolish human thinking he was just like a dog, because so long as Jake thought of him as a pet he'd protect him and Gamzee knew he'd need protecting in a day or so when Dirk regained his full senses and started pushing his case for Gamzee's execution. 

Just bear it, he thought resentfully. Just bear it until you don't need him any more. 

All he had to do was win over Dirk- stupid punk ass Dirk- and he could stop acting. Despite the whole stabbing thing and also him being a bitch, Gamzee was pretty sure that Dirk wouldn't be too hard to win over, because Gamzee understood him. He wasn't mad over being stabbed, not a bit. Dirk was just protecting his matesprit and his territory from a large intruder, so no harsh feelings. All Gamzee had to do was get Dirk to understand that he wasn't the threat Dirk thought he was and then he could shake off Jake like the annoying creature he was. 

Maybe he could start classically conditioning him? Slowly flip the script, make Jake the one nudging for a pet or waiting for when he would be spoken to, maybe even train him to follow basic orders without question... Tavros had always wanted a house pet...

But no. Dirk would get mad if he suspected something like that. Gamzee let out a soft sigh, allowing Jake to pet him down his head and aways down his spine. He didn't like Jake touching him like that, only Tavros had ever done that. 

The rain kept coming and he wished it would stop, wished he could leave these humans to their boring human lives and get back to the amazing perfection that was Tavros Nitram. Gamzee didn't usually mind going for a while without making love, but Gog, the need for Tavros was getting bad enough to be felt through the haze of drug-want and his brain's stubborn insistence that Tavros had been  _right there_ was only making it worse. 

He turned his head so his face was hidden in darkness by the soft curve of Jake's stomach, wanting to be very alone so he could touch himself and maybe not need Tavros so much for a little while longer. He whimpered, an involuntary sound of pain, and Jake patted him between the horns and spouted some nonsense about how it would all be okay. 

What a shameless liar. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to the same person as last time because they are sweet and I love them.


	9. Rain, Rain, Falling Down

Tavros was awoken by the wonderful sound of rain on the roof. He laid still for a minute, still half-asleep. He loved a storm, because sometimes Gamzee stayed home when there was heavy rain and gave Tavros whatever he wanted whenever he asked and there was nothing better than the feel of Gamzee just filling him up, making him feel whole and loved and beautiful. 

And then he realized that the only sound other than the rain was his own breathing and he slid a hand to the cold side of the bed just as he remembered. Gamzee had left two days ago. Tavros was alone. Suddenly the rain didn't sound so nice.

Tavros sat up, determinedly trying to think of something,  _anything,_ except Gamzee, but of course the thought of what usually went down first thing in the mornings crept in and he groaned as his blood set itself of fire with pure, unfiltered lust. Tavros was a little bit pathetic and he accepted that. He knew how heavily he leaned on Gamzee, how much his own survival depended on the continued existence of one highblood with a drug problem, and for a second he tried to pull away from that, tried to force himself to be okay with being alone. And then he gave up and slid his hands between his legs, further darkening the already noticeably browner sheets. 

Maybe I'm an addict too, Tavros thought sadly. And my drug is named Gamzee Makara. 

Then he pushed himself into a sitting position and dragged his lifeless legs over the side of the bed so he could pull his wheelchair close and haul himself into it. He made his way to the kitchen, not bothering to get dressed. Brushing his greasy, over-long hair out of his face, he grumbled while he poked at a watermelon. He was hungry, but he refused to cut something that would feed him and Gamzee both. Gamzee would be hungry when he got home. They could eat it then. When he got home...

Growling softly and telling himself that he was definitely not crying again, he wiped his eyes and wheeled to the house's back door, opening it a bit and peeking out at the rain. It was really coming down out there... Maybe it was one of those really loud but short rains and it would go away soon. He hoped it went away soon. Closing the door back, telling himself it was rain he wiped from his cheeks, he went to the living room and awkwardly got himself to the couch and laid down, wishing Gamzee would walk through the door, wet hair in his face, and smile at him before joining him on the couch, kiss his face and lips and neck, just kiss him all over like Gamzee liked to do, and run those big, strong hands all over his broken body like it was something to be cherished. 

Tavros finally admitted to himself that he was crying again. How, he wondered, could anyone love a stupid mess like me?

Then that fire started burning again and Tavros hauled himself into his wheelchair and headed back to bed. No point making a mess of the couch. 

\---

Gamzee hastily wiped up genetic material, ripped open a window, and flung the soiled cloth out into the rain, yanking his pants back on and sitting down just as Jake wandered in. He offered a shaky grin. Jake didn't seem to notice anything off. He walked over to Gamzee, clearly distracted, and bent to tug at the sleeve of the too-big shirt Gamzee had found and thrown on. 

"Dirk sent me for you, my good fellow. If he challenges you for some rematch fisticuffs, refuse okay? He thinks he's all better." Jake shook his head at his matesprit's willfulness. Gamzee grunted a reply and let himself be pulled to his feet, his pants rubbing uncomfortably against the sensitive place between his legs as he followed Jake, a bit behind him, like a puppy. Momentarily scrunching his face in distaste, Gamzee reached up and took hold of Jake's sleeve, like he needed to be led. Jake took the touch with little more than a glance at the pressure, but Gamzee could tell by the way he shifted his posture that he liked the thought of leading. 

Dirk wasn't too far away and when he came into view, Gamzee brushed gently past Jake and trotted to the blond's side, crouching down and tipping his head. "You called?"

"Yes, I did actually." He narrowed his eyes, eyes that Gamzee now realized were neon orange. He didn't know humans could have orange eyes. He started to think how pretty the color was, but changed the thought to how stupid his dumb ass genes had to be to turn up as some literally impossible color. Dirk shifted his head a bit, looking at Jake over Gamzee's shoulder. "Thanks Jake. Give us a minute?"

There was a brief hesitation, then, "Alright, but you both behave like civilized people." There was a pat to the back of Gamzee's head and the highblood bared his teeth on reflex. Then Jake trotted away, his footsteps dying to silence. 

Gamzee rubbed a hand down his face and sat back with a groan. "This better be good, human. I was busy."

"I bet you were." Dirk turned his head to look at the ceiling. He shut his eyes and went silent, staying that way for so long that Gamzee started to wonder if he was deliberately trying to piss him off. But he refused to let this stupid-gened human win, so he stayed silent too. Then, "I, personally, don't like having to sleep with one eye open. Makes me tired. So I would like to propose a truce, troll."

Gamzee chuckled. Looks like Dirk was going to beat him to the punch of attempted peace. "Propose away."

Dirk nodded once, a tiny jerk of his head. "I want you to understand that I'm not saying this because of any beginning warmth towards you. If you dropped dead now, I'd be pretty darn happy about it. However, keeping Jake happy is important to me and the longer you keep up you pet dog act, the more it will hurt him when he sees what you really are. So," Dirk opened one eye to look at him. "I will give you five minutes. Five minutes to tell me something that will let me sleep with both my eyes closed. Five minutes to make me believe you won't finish what you started while I sleep. And if you tell a single lie, I'll know."

Gamzee tipped his head back. "Alright." It was a reasonable enough request and Gamzee grudgingly admitted that there was some thought put into it. He took a breath, ran a hand through his hair, and started by saying, "You don't have to worry about me killing either of you, because if I wanted to do it, I would have. You can't put up a fight and Jake's guns mean little to me. I've taken thirty two bullets to the chest and stomach in the span of thirty minutes. Your matesprit's toys wouldn't slow me down enough to stop me before I reached him, especially if I did something like throw your head at him." Gamzee grinned, showing all his over-sized teeth. "And it wouldn't be hard to get it off, I assure you."

Dirk nodded and his refusal to be intimidated both enraged Gamzee and made him feel a certain respect. Gog, he was falling pitch for a human, and falling hard too.

Pushing aside his less-than-platonic-hate for a moment, Gamzee scratched at his stomach. "I don't know what else to say that will convince you."

"You've got three minutes left. Tell me who Tavros is."

"How do you know that name?" Gamzee could feel his fangs shift in his mouth like they did when he felt true rage, making way for more, sharper teeth, and when he opened his jaws in a snarl of hate, he saw something like fear flicker across Dirk's face, too quickly smothered to be sure it actually happened. 

"First of all, you didn't have that many teeth before. Shit dude, them things are literally pushing themselves outta your mouth. Gross. Secondly, you said it when you were having your fit. Screeched it actually. If it wasn't for this damn rain I woulda been worried about them zom-zoms." Then Dirk reached up a hand and patted Gamzee on the cheek. 

Gamzee resisted the urge to bite it off. He made himself calm down- if Dirk screamed and Jake came to the logical decision and shot him execution style, then Gamzee  _would_ die, highblood or not. Hard to keep living if you don't have a head. The fury-fangs- as some humans called them in their textbooks- slid back into their places and Dirk made another face of disgust. He put his hands on his stomach and said, "We got a little side-tracked, so I'll give you your three minutes back. Tell me about Tavros. And don't lie."

Gamzee growled and looked away from this infuriating prick. His mind raced for an answer. Tell him about Tavros? What was he to tell? The way he almost- but not quite- made a little snort before he laughed, the way he tugged at the hair on the sides of his head because even after two and a half sweeps, he wasn't used to it, the way he almost glowed when he was happy, the gentleness of his hands, the roughness of his hands, the soft feel of his lips against Gamzee's skin or the way he made a happy, but sleepy, warble noise without seeming to realize it when Gamzee kissed him awake? "Tavros is..." Gamzee hit the ground with a fist and growled to himself. Just tell the truth...

"Tavros is everything."

"Elaborate."

Gamzee hissed, but did as ordered, his thoughts suddenly falling into place. "He is the sun, he is the moon and stars, he is the rain, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, he is death and he is life, he is  _everything."_ Gamzee found that his heart was pounding and his breath was harsh. He didn't bother to calm down. "Tavros is everything worth living for. I do not love life. I love him, nothing but him, because he is everything and he is all I have ever loved and all I will love until the day he dies, because when he dies I will die with him, no matter what." He shook his head. "No matter what."

Dirk watched him for a moment more, one bright, infuriatingly orange eye trained on his face. Then he closed his eyes and said, "G'night, ugly."

Gamzee blinked, taking a moment to realize that he'd won. Then he grinned and, in a moment of probably bad judgement, he bent down and kissed Dirk on the cheek. "Night, you genetic nightmare." He dashed away, Dirk threatening him with all manner of injury if he ever dared kiss him again. What a satisfactory response. 

~~~

Gamzee had gone to sleep twice and awoken without Tavros. He fully expected that number to drift on into three, because even if the rain stopped this minute and he managed to cleanly ditch the humans, he still wouldn't have enough time or energy to get to Tavros. What he truly dreaded was three becoming four, then five, then six. He'd never been away for more than three days and that was one record he never wanted to beat. 

He was curled up in a corner, ignoring Jake's attempts to coax him out and brooding on his own unhappiness. Occasionally, after Jake bugged him to get Gamzee to talk, Dirk would call out an insult to which Gamzee would be unable to resist responding to. Damn that human. Damn him straight to the bottom of a bucket. 

Shit, no, wait, delete that thought. 

Gamzee growled at himself, mad that, for some reason, his heart had decided that Dirk, a human that stabbed him, was the perfect person to hate. Why couldn't he have made a reasonable attachment? Like, perhaps, to a member of the same species as himself? Maybe it was because he'd been so far away from any chance at even finding a kismesis, and now that someone was presenting themselves, he was just... Latching onto them. Yeah. Yes, that made sense. He'd let this go soon, definitely. Definitely. 

Dirk called out, "Hey panini head, are you listening to me?"

"You didn't even say anything before that!" Gamzee snapped, raising his head to glare at the blond. 

Dirk had a look of smug amusement on his face and Jake giggled softly. "See?" Dirk pretended like he didn't notice how insufferable he was being, but he did it in a way that made it painfully obvious that he was just pretending not to notice for the express purpose of being more insufferable. He gave Jake a look of pity on Gamzee's behalf. "I told you he wouldn't get it."

Gamzee couldn't take it anymore, he let out a wordless roar of frustration and got up, stomping off. Dirk called out, "Oh yes, you showed me. I've been thoroughly showed." Gamzee gave a high pitched screech just as lightning lit the store and thunder clapped immediately after, loud enough to shake the glass that was still in its pane. And then there was silence. Complete silence. 

Ganzee dashed back towards the front of the building, successfully  ignoring Dirk and throwing open the doors to the Dollar General. It was like the thunder had been a switch for the rain. There wasn't even a drizzle and already far up winds were tearing apart the dark clouds that had seemed to threaten Gamzee to eternal incarceration in a prison of cheap products and endless sarcasm. And for the first time in two days Gamzee laughed, deep and true, throwing his hands to the sky and twirling in the blissful dry, shamelessly crying with joy. 

He turned at the sound of the door and the sight of Dirk, supported by Jake, suddenly wasn't so difficult to stomach. He skipped over and ruffled Jake's hair before putting his forehead to Dirk's and growling, almost a threat, almost affection. Dirk, apparently realizing a challenge when it was offered, pushed back weakly against the pressure and growled back, through his flat human growl wasn't nearly as emotion-giving as a troll's. 

Jake pushed between them, praddling about how humans didn't do that and how he shouldn't do things like growl, blah blah blah. Gamzee growled at him response, enjoying the surprise on his face. Then he pranced away, refusing to be brought down from his cloud nine.

He assumed the humans would wander off and do human things, but to his confusion, they kept following him. After a good while, he waited a minute while they caught up and said, rather bluntly, "When are you going to stop following me?"

Jake balked, clearly not expecting the question, but Dirk, level-headed asshat that he was, said, "Probably not until I can convince Jake here that it doesn't matter or affect us if you die a terrible death."

Gamzee snickered, too happy for these two dead weights to drag him down just yet. He could be pissed later. Right now he was just going to dash ahead of them again and keep looking for a place that seemed like it could hold something Tavros might want until the sun started to set and he could go to sleep one more time before running straight home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is low-key dedicated to Obama because I miss him a lot more than I thought I would, I'm sorry Obama, please save us


	10. Baby That's Where I Come From, I'm Comin' Home

Gamzee dashed from one building to another, looking through cracked, dirty glass, or empty holes where glass once was, the two humans, Dirk and Jake, trailing behind. Gamzee didn't bother to stop for them, only occasionally slowing down so they could get close enough for Gamzee to chuck a couple pebbles at Dirk. Dirk would shake his fist and shout curses, which made it more than worth it, and it almost made Jake cry when Gamzee ignored his pleas to stop. Good. The little snot needed to learn that a highblood was not a pet for a flimsy human. 

He trotted past a building but then went back, rubbing away some grime from the window glass and glancing through the cleaner spot. A bookstore. Purring, he wiggled a bit and pushed the door open, a bell chiming his entrance. There was a groan from the back of the store and the shuffle of something dead following sound. Gamzee looked around himself, decided on a wooden chair, and brandished the furniture like a weapon. He chittered softly until the undead troll shuffled around the corner, his long, bull-like horns barely making it through the sagging bookshelves without getting caught. 

Gamzee was frozen as the troll shuffled closer, the chair raised above his head. The dead thing looked remarkably like Tavros, so much so that some dark, twisted thing he didn't want to admit the existence of giggled that maybe he should fuck it. 

With a soft sob, Gamzee dropped the chair and bolted, almost bowling over Dirk and Jake, barely noticing, quickly tripping over his own feet and giving a roar of pain as his stab wound was ripped open once more. 

"Shit!" Dirk's voice, the start of a sentence from Jake, then the sound of a sword being drawn and a body hitting the ground. Gamzee got up, almost falling over again, and stumbled back to the storefront, looking down at the body laying in the doorway, neck twisted awkwardly because of its horns, black-brown blood dripping slowly from the blow that had ended its 'life'. 

It's not Tavros, Gamzee told himself as, crying, he stooped to scoop the body into his arms. It will never be Tavros, he assured himself as he staggered away from two confused humans until he found a place to dig, dragging the dirt away with his bare hands. The ground was still very, very wet, basically mud, and it was difficult to move and it stuck to his skin and clothes and he hated it but he couldn't stop. He could hear Jake and Dirk arriving by the annoying jabber of Jake. 

Dirk shushed him when they drew near. There was a sharp slap to the back of Gamzee's head and Dirk said, "Alright, panini head, you get five words."

Gamzee dug his hands into the mud, threw it to the side. "He looks like my Tavros."

Without a word, Dirk knelt painfully by his side and dug with him. Jake hopped about them like a bird, chirping like one too, but for the most part Gamzee was able to ignore him. He leaned a bit against Dirk's shoulder, thanking him without saying anything. With their hands near wrist deep in the earth, Gamzee grabbed Dirk's hand for the briefest moment. No one could see, so it never happened. When enough dirt was displaced, Gamzee carefully laid the Tavros-lookalike into the shallow grave and pushed the mud back with Dirk's help. 

He stood up and got Dirk under his arms to roughly pull him to his feet. Dirk gave him a look and growled shakily, like he was uncertain of the appropriateness of the sound. Gamzee stuck his tongue out and growled back, head over spades for this fragile human. He felt better after burying the troll, but he didn't like the mud caked on his pants and hands. So, he took off his rucksack and then his shirt, wiping his hands and arms clean, tossing the fabric at Dirk's face when he was done, which caused Jake to squawk about something, but Gamzee had gotten pretty darn good at disregarding everything that came out of that boy's mouth. 

Then he pulled his rucksack onto his bare back, hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his pants and yanked them down. 

"Bro." Dirk looked away, clearly embarrassed despite his usual grip on his emotions. 

Jake, however, was looking at him with open curiosity, once again seeing him as a funny animal to be studied. He bared his teeth, but Jake wasn't looking at his face. The human pointed between Gamzee's legs and said, "I could have sworn something was down there."

"Oh my God, Jake." Dirk grabbed Jake by the ear, but couldn't get enough force behind his pull for it to be very effective. "You can't just ask people where their dick is."

Gamzee put his hands on his bare hips, slightly confused at the human's reactions. Why was Dirk so embarrassed? If he was turned on, then yes, embarrassment from both parties would make quite a bit of sense, but his bulge was tucked safely in its sheath, so what was the big deal?

Oh shit wait, humans don't like nudity. 

Dirk had been talking quietly to Jake while Gamzee spaced out for a second and when he clocked back in Jake was looking rather scolded. The black-haired human looked away, cheeks red. "I... I apologize, Gamzee."

"Mmhmm." Gamzee stretched his arms over his head, grinning at Dirk when the human looked over at him. He looked at Jake, suddenly wanting to embarrass Dirk further. "And since you asked, trolls have a sheath for their sex organs. It's there, I just don't need to use it right now." He then gave Dirk a look and ran his tongue over his lips, intentionally making his bulge move so the soft skin of his crotch shifted. Jake squeaked and tried to hide it by sneezing. Dirk stared right back at him, orange eyes meeting purple. Neither moved or blinked, each understanding that this was a battle of wills. 

A battle that would have to be resolved later. Jake got a hold of Dirk's arm and put it around his own shoulders, taking some of Dirk's weight and fussing at him for exerting himself. Gamzee chuckled deeply and swaggered past them, once again opening the door to the little bookstore. He rufused to acknowledge the blood on the floor. His own purple blood had been steadily running down his torso and he grumbled as he attempted to wipe it away, wandering around and scanning the shelves to see if anything looked like Tavros' kind of book. 

Near the back, there was a little souvenir rack, complete with t-shirts, and Gamzee grabbed one that was far too big, pulling it on. It fell almost to his knees. He hummed to himself as he looked around, occasionally picking something up and flipping open the pages to see if they were still legible. He was standing with a book about war in his hands, humming the tune to a song he was pretty sure had been called Zombie. 

"Why do you sing so much?"

Gamzee glanced up at Dirk, sweet hate curling pleasantly through his guts. "Tavros told me he liked it when I sang." He put the book back where it went and picked up a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, tearing out the pages one at a time. "Guess I just got in the habit of it."

"Mm." Dirk had apparently found a cane somewhere, and he hobbled forward with it. Gamzee glanced up again, looking at Dirk's chest, bare, save for the tight bandages Gamzee had put there himself. 

He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about hurting you."

"Ew, don't apologize." Dirk took the nearly-destroyed book and hit Gamzee over the head with it. "And what do you have against this book in particular."

"It's terrible, inaccurate, unresearched, and filled with a ridiculous amount of rape parading as sex." Gamzee took the book back and ripped out another page. 

"Say no more." Dirk yanked it back and tore out a page, reaching up to pin it to Gamzee's horn. Gamzee growled and Dirk returned the noise, marginally better than his other attempts, before tossing the book back and hobbling off. Gamzee finished his deconstruction and turned to go further down the isle, almost bumping into Jake. He cursed and hopped past the human, baring his fangs. 

"Why are you being so awful?" Jake whined the words and Gamzee's scowl deepened. 

"How would you like it," Gamzee said slowly, "if someone took one look at you and thought, 'well, he must be as stupid as the animals we keep for entertainment' and then proceeded to treat you like a simple minded fool without ever asking, or even considering, really, about whether or not that was true. Though," Gamzee kept walking, talking over his shoulder, "I'm pretty sure Dirk warned you I wasn't a dog. Says a lot about you that you didn't listen."

Jake said something that might have been an apology, but Gamzee ignored it, going to the other side of the shelf and scanning it. He found the entire series that Tavros liked lined up together and he laughed happily, taking the ones Tavros didn't have and tucking them under his arm. He wandered a bit more, picked up a book about flowers and a book about methods of torture used in the Middle Ages. 

Then he went to the front desk and shrugged his rucksack off, unzipping it and placing the books carefully inside. Then he saw something laying on the floor behind the desk and went around to look, almost dancing in place when he saw what it was. On the floor lay one of those complex coloring books meant for adults. He picked it up and carefully brushed the cover clean before flipping through to see that all the pages were clean. Giggling, he tucked the coloring book next to the other things he'd grabbed. Then, expecting to find nothing but dust, he opened one of the drawers and blinked in surprise at an electric razor. 

"What the shit...?" He picked it up and looked it over, utterly confounded as to why something like this was somewhere like here. He poked around at it, but couldn't see anywhere for batteries. There was a square of black glass though that kind of reminded him of those cheap, sun-powered calculators everyone seemed to have without knowing precisely where they got it. "No way. No motherfucking way!"

Weak sunlight was coming through the dirty windows, and Gamzee scrubbed away some of the dust, holding the little thing up to the light for a moment before clicking the button on the side. And that little shit started buzzing. 

"Yo, you find a vibrator?" Dirk dragged himself into view, his face carefully blank despite there being something like amused curiosity in his voice. 

"I don't know what that is." Gamzee held up the razor. "But apparently they made solar powered electric razors."

"That's the tightest shit I've ever seen." Dirk limped closer. "You gunna shave your head? Who knows, it might be an improvement to your currently unbearable appearance."

Gamzee rolled his eyes and turned the razor off. "It's for Tavros. He likes a mohawk."

"Mm." Losing interest, Dirk turned and made his way to the door. "Bout time to leave, yeah? Gotta get home before dark."

"The place I sleep before going home is in the opposite direction of your safe house." Gamzee zipped up his rucksack and pulled it on, trusting the bell above the door to bring Jake running. 

"Come with us and I'll let you have the bucket."

"Sold."

~~~

Gamzee was curled protectively around his bucket like he thought someone would try and take it away, purring softly in victory. These humans obviously had no idea how to actually make use of a bucket, it would be far better off in his hands. 

Crossing his arms and half hiding his face, Gamzee stared at Dirk until he noticed. He lifted his head and stuck his tongue out before 'hiding' again. Dirk struggled not to smile and ended up just looking away. Gamzee considered that a win. 

Jake was probably somewhere in the room, but Gamzee was practicing his ability to pretend that Jake did not exist. So far so good. 

Propping his head up on one hand, Gamzee wondered what to do to ease his boredom. It wasn't dark enough for him to be able to sleep yet, there was no deck of cards or something like that, Dirk seemed to be testing how long he could go without actually responding to anything Gamzee said and with two humans, one of which was determined to follow him after a five minute separation, he couldn't exactly pass the time like he usually did. Now, let's see, what would get ol' Dirk-a-Dirk's attention...

"You wanna know what the bucket's for?"

Dirk looked at him with narrowed eyes, suspicious. "Why are you suddenly asking?"

Gamzee grinned. "I wanna see how long you'll listen to me talk about troll reproduction before you start squirming."

Dirk blinked. "The bucket is for sex? How the- How does that help in any way, why does an entire species have a bucket kink."

Gamzee chuckled and shook his head. "Please," he purred in his best tour guide voice, "hold all questions until the end of the lecture."

"Don't talk like that, it's giving me the weirdest boner and I don't appreciate it."

Gamzee snickered. "I don't know what that means."

Dirk narrowed his eyes, this time with a look of planning. "Then I guess it's a test of who can make who more uncomfortable with a detailed account of how our species breed."

Jake suddenly made himself known with a squeaked, "Please don't!"

Both of them ignored him. 

~~~

Gamzee and Dirk were sitting incredibly close, only the bucket between them keeping their bodies from touching. Purple eyes glared into orange and the human in the pair didn't miss the twist of attraction mixed in with irritated hate that lit the troll's purple eyes.

Gamzee leaned forward, over the bucket, and Dirk mirrored his move, so close he could feel the human's hot breath on his face. All the talk of sex, troll and human, had him feeling hot and bothered and this disgustingly handsome human being was not making it any easier. He glanced at Dirk's lips, wanting to kiss them so hard they bruised, but he didn't know how Dirk would respond, his blank orange eyes gave nothing away. 

He could feel the genetic material running down his crossed legs, thankfully not yet soaking into the too-big shirt that was the only thing he wore. He had to do something to get rid of this feeling. Tipping his head a bit, shifting a centimeter closer, he murmured, "How do you think a human would have sex with a troll?"

Dirk narrowed his eyes, almost shutting them, and said, just as quiet, "I supposed it depends on the gender of the human, doesn't it?"

Gamzee growled softly and whispered shakily, "What if they both were male?"

"Hmm," Dirk's orange eyes were sharp with some emotion Gamzee couldn't think straight enough to analyze. "Why, may I ask, are you wondering?"

Well, it's now or never. "Because that's what I want to do to you."

"Hmm..." Dirk's face remained blank, but he leaned back and away, and Gamzee mirrored his position. "That's tempting, my darling Gamzee," the sarcasm was thick as molasses, "but I believe we both already have someone we are romantically involved with."

"Not as matesprits!" Gamzee felt his face heating up, no doubt dying his face royal purple all the way to his ears. "I meant a kismesissitude!" 

"What the shit is that my dude."

"It- I- I thought-" Shit shit shit, he didn't know, he hadn't been flirting back that was just how he was, oh shit, oh no,  _he didn't know._

"I thought you knew," he eventually managed to choke out past the lump of mortification that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his throat. 

"Hmm..." Dirk tilted his head, one hand on his chin. "Gunna go with, nope, on that. Seriously, where would I have heard about whatever you just said."

Gamzee groaned and put his face in his hands. "I'm sor-"

"I told you, don't apologize." Dirk leaned forward and whacked him hard, almost boxing his ear. "Now explain. We just gave each other The Talk, how embarrassing could it be?"

Dirk's abrasive nature had scratched away some of Gamzee's shame, replacing it with enough bitter resentment for him to recover. "It's... Now how, did I hear a human describe it once? Hate fucking?"

"Oh my."

Gamzee ignored him. "It's like a rivalry, I guess, someone that just pisses you off so much but that you also want to protect because only you get to make them angry like that and also there's sex involved, so that's always nice." He grinned awkwardly after his clumsy explanation, face still uncomfortably hot.

Dirk reached over and patted Gamzee between the horns, just like he knew Gamzee hated. "Humans don't normally have that man, so I'm gunna have to, for now, say no." He ruffled Gamzee's hair and the highblood gave a halfhearted growl in response, stung by rejection. "However," Dirk grabbed Gamzee's horns, jerking the troll's head from side to side. "I will think about it. And see if Jake's okay with it. Might be fine for your kind, but it's kind of polygamy for mine, I guess." 

Gamzee shook his head free, spitting and hissing like a kicked cat.

"There ya go, back to your old, angry self. Much better." Dirk swung at him again and Gamzee ducked under the intended blow, reaching up to smack Dirk lightly on the forehead. "There's a good boy~" Dirk cooed, like someone talking to their small, yappy dog. He hauled himself up with a grunt, using his cane to keep himself standing. "See ya later, you ugly gay."

"What the devil's a gay!" Gamzee called after Dirk as he limped out of the room. Dirk didn't answer and Gamzee curled up around his bucket again, grumbling to himself about how truly insufferable that prick was. He was so insulted he could almost ignore the small pain in his heart. 

~~~

Gamzee was dreaming. He knew he was dreaming because Tavros was standing.

Strong, bare grey legs carried his perfect matesprit into his arms and Gamzee clung to Tavros, kissing him over and over, never wanting to let go. "Tavros."

Tavros put his hands on Gamzee's hips, pulled him closer, but something was wrong, very wrong. Tavros was cold, too cold, and when Gamzee looked at his face his eyes were flat. They were dead. Tavros was dead. 

_no no no no no_

Gamzee tried to pull away, but he didn't have control anymore, couldn't stop himself. He wanted to cry, instead he kissed the corpse again, he wanted to throw up and run away, instead he followed a dead thing's touch, deep in cold flesh. 

_NO NO NO STOP NO_

Blood ran from the corner of Tavros' mouth and Gamzee licked it off his cold face, tasting the copper on his tongue. He moved against a body, but it wasn't even animated anymore, just a corpse beneath him, eyes glassy, jaw slack. 

_I wouldn't I wouldn't I woulDN'T I WOULDN'T **I WOULDN'T I WOULDN'T**_

He kept trying to break whatever bound him, he wanted to run, run far away, run until his feet bled and his legs gave out and then he wanted to crawl until his arms wouldn't carry him. 

Then suddenly it was like he was outside his body, watching himself rut a corpse, and then his body that wasn't his anymore looked up and grinned at him. And for the first time Gamzee noticed the jagged teeth marks in Tavros' throat, saw the brown blood splashed across his own body, coating his lips. His body grinned and his teeth were streaked in brown. 

"Wasn't that fun?"

Hearing his own voice purring at him, seeing his face covered in brown blood, Gamzee finally managed to scream. 

A sharp slap woke him up and he choked on a sob, limbs tired from flailing, throat sore from screaming. 

"Wake up, Gamzee, come on!" Dirk. It's Dirk, Dirk's here. Another slap, this one harder and Gamzee focused on nothing but the pain, forcing himself to stop replaying that horrific nightmare. 

Weakly pushing Dirk away, Gamzee curled tight on himself, shaking, trying to think of anything else but the feel of dead flesh and the taste of brown blood. 

"Dammit, man." And then Dirk forced him close and hugged him. Gamzee was too shook up inside to care. He hugged him back. "Don't get used to it," Dirk grumbled. "One time thing." After a moment, when Gamzee got his hideous sobs under control, Dirk pushed him back and said, "Tell?"

Gamzee shook his head hard. No one could know, no could ever know, the monstrous things that played out in his mind. 

"Alright." Dirk yawned and grabbed his cane. "It's almost sunrise and I don't think I'll be going back to sleep after that. Should we get going?"

"G-Going?" Gamzee shakily got up, slowly recovering. 

"Yep. I finally got all my mental abilities back after the whole minor concussion thing, so I'm ready to limp along." When Gamzee didn't respond, Dirk put a hand to his chest and faked insult. "You would really leave me behind? After all the hate-bonding we've done? I'm shocked Gamzee." 

Gamzee flushed at the reference to his clumsy attempt at offering a black relationship. A burst of shame helped push back his horror at himself. "You can come," he snapped. "Just train Jake to shut up along the way so he doesn't say anything to Tavros ever."

 _"Train_ me?" Jake's voice came from nowhere and Gamzee jumped. 

Maybe I'm a little too good at ignoring him, Gamzee thought. 

Jake was absolutely livid. "I am a human being, darn skippy, and I will not be talked about like I'm some stupid toy poodle, or something!"

"And why not?" Gamzee glanced at him, more interested in seeing how riled he could get Dirk. "You act like one with your incessant yapping and besides, humans show all the symptoms of a domesticated species. Unlike trolls."

"I get it okay!" Jake screeched, making both Dirk and Gamzee shush him. Jake looked about to cry. "I'm a terrible person and an absolute idiot-"

"Agreed," Gamzee purred.

"-and I just can't seem to get anything right, but please don't stay angry at me forever!" Those big green eyes were just about to spill tears and he sniffed, looking away like he thought no one had noticed yet how close he was to full on sobbing. "I said sorry," he finished weakly. 

"Don't care." Gamzee spat, turning to snatch up his rucksack. "You got any pants that'll fit me?"

Dirk pinched his arm and Gamzee hissed at him. "Gamzee." Gamzee grunted. "If you don't start being a little more tolerant- not nice, just tolerant- towards Jake, then I'll have to give you a definite no."

Gamzee panicked a little on the inside. "Okay," he muttered.

Dirk blinked. "That was easy. And yeah, I'll go get you some." 

Jake followed him, asking, "What did you mean? What would you say no to?"

Gamzee didn't hear Dirk's answer, but he was probably deflecting the question like he did to almost all questions aimed at himself. Absentmindedly, Gamzee pawed open his rucksack and got a pill bottle, opening it and taking something out at random, closing the bottle and putting it away before taking the pill, oblivious to what he was putting in his body. He zipped his rucksack and put it on just as Dirk and Jake returned, packs on both their backs. Dirk threw the pants at his face and Gamzee caught them, pulling them on. They were a little tight around the crotch and the button was about to give up, but it was better than the makeshift dress. He ripped the bottom of the shirt off so his legs could move without getting tangled in the fabric, using the strip of cloth to tie the bucket to his rucksack.

"C'mon." He opened the door, squinted at the blue-grey light of near dawn. "I got a place with pants that fit me right. We'll stop there so I can change, then we go home." He looked over his shoulder, glaring at both the humans. "When we get there, I'm going to show you to a creek a little behind my house. You are going to clean yourselves off and then you are going to sit there until I come get you. Clear?"

Dirk nodded, a knowing smirk on his lips. "As crystal."

Gamzee huffed and led the way forward, going home with a pack full of presents and pills. The sun began to peek over the horizon and the soft glow burned away the last of Gamzee's nightmare. He smiled. He was going home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda got away from me and is about twice the length of the others haha oops


	11. Love and Hate

Gamzee had walked since sunrise and he wasn't going to stop until he was home, silently bearing the heat of the sun that soaked into his thick black hair. The sun had long raised above the horizon, reached its zenith, and started its path downward, and Jake had not stopped whining about it. 

There was always something with him. Either Gamzee was walking too slow or he was walking too fast (he never changed his pace), or there wasn't enough clouds, or his head was hurting, or it was too much for  _Dirk,_ and  _Dirk_ needed a rest. In response, Gamzee had swept the cursing blond into his arms and carried him. 

He was sleeping now, his face pressed against Gamzee's chest, making him look like the adorable idiot Gamzee knew he was. He was surprisingly light and easy to bear. Even after a few hours, Gamzee's arms hadn't even started to ache. Or maybe they had and he just hadn't noticed over the pain in his head. It was the sun that did it, it always did, and Jake's piglet squeaks didn't help at all. 

Growling softly, Gamzee looked over his shoulder and bared his teeth at Jake in an attempt to get him to shut up for a few minutes. Jake just whined about how 'Dirk said you had to be nice to me!'

"Actually," Gamzee spat, "he specifically said that I did not have to be nice, only tolerant. And the fact that I haven't chopped you in the throat and crushed your larynx is pretty. Damn. Tolerant."

Jake shut up for a while after that. 

And then, finally, blessedly, he saw his trees. Gently, he shook the human in his arms. "Dirk. Wake up, look." 

Dirk licked at his lips tiredly and groaned. "What? What is it?"

"Home."

Dirk looked over his shoulder before burying his face back against Gamzee's chest. "Just some pansy ass bitch lookin' trees."

Gamzee growled and Dirk growled back, finally managing something that sounded real. Gamzee just huffed and stumbled gratefully into the shade of the trees, grumbling happily to himself. He turned around and dumped Dirk into Jake's arms. Dirk pretended he was asleep and Jake almost dropped him. "You carry him for a while. And stay quiet. I haven't cleaned these woods in days."

And so, with two humans behind him, Gamzee began his Routine. He wanted to go home, wanted so badly to touch Tavros, to reassure himself that he was alive and okay, he wanted to make love to that sweet troll, hear those precious sounds and kiss that beautiful mouth. But he couldn't. Not yet. Because he had to keep Tavros safe. So, whining softly to comfort himself a bit and to draw any dead to himself, Gamzee stumbled around his woods and cleaned his traps. 

After a while, Gamze wasn't sure when, Dirk had apparently decided to walk by himself again. He whapped Gamzee with his cane, lightly enough to not actually hurt. "Nice traps, for a dickweed."

"Thanks. Jake, hold this." Gamzee untangled a dead body and threw it at Jake, causing the man to let out a screech of panic. There was frantic rustling in the leaves and a dead human appeared, quickly dispatched by Gamzee wielding a branch. He dropped that on Jake too. Jake started crying. 

"Shut up, you can drop them in a minute. Now follow me." Gamzee found two more of the dead and picked them up himself before leading the way to the pit. Oh Gog, it smelled even worse than the last time he was here. Gagging, he chucked the bodies in, Jake following his example frantically. And then he turned around and went back to it, the humans following behind. 

It took a lot longer than he had wanted it to, but eventually he was satisfied that Tavros was safe again and he could get clean. "Come on. I'll show you the creek." Dirk said something snarky, but for once Gamzee didn't want to exchange insults with the object of his black 'affections'. He just wanted his Tavros. 

Deciding that Jake and Dirk were too slow, he threw them both over his shoulder and just sprinted through the woods, almost slipping several times, rocketing through the trees to come to a skidding halt by his creek. With a soft sob of joy, not caring that Dirk would probably use it against him later, he set the humans carefully on the ground and struggled out of his clothes as he waded into the water and rolled in it, purring, so happy to be home and clean and cool. 

Water was slapped up into his face and he shook his head furiously, slinging water everywhere. He glared at Dirk through curls that stuck to his face, lowering himself till his chin touched the water in preparation to pounce at the nearly-naked human. He wriggled a bit, calibrating, then launched himself forward, the force behind his legs launching him upward enough that he was on eye level with Dirk. 

"Oh shit." Dirk said conversationally, no panic at all in his voice as Gamzee collided with him and grabbed onto his head, legs wrapped around the human's neck. They hit the water with a splash and (from Jake) a squeal. Dirk managed to wriggle free from Gamzee's water-slick limbs, raising his submerged head for a gasp of air before lunging forward and managing to pin Gamzee's arms to his sides, taking both their head back under the water. 

Gamzee opened his eyes and blinked through the water at Dirk, who squinted at him, bubbles trailing from his nostrils. Gamzee grinned. He knew full well he could out last Dirk. But the seconds passed and Dirk didn't let go, didn't show any signs of planning on letting go until he fainted or until Gamzee gave up. Hands slapped at them both, Jake trying to pull them out, but he was too weak to get them both and Dirk wasn't letting go. His face remained stubbornly neutral, but his body was jerking slightly, his lungs fighting to suck in. Gamzee cursed to himself and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Dirk's and forcing air down the human's throat. Dirk froze, every muscle in his body going tense, but he didn't pull away either, just lay there and let Gamzee breath for him. 

And then Gamzee ran out of air. That little shit, Gamzee thought as he started to flail in desperation. He planned this. 

Dirk let him go and they both exploded to the surface coughing and spluttering, Jake hopping around and attempting to tell them off. Dirk hacked once and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "That was disgusting but so worth it." He smacked Gamzee on the shoulder and Gamzee glared at him, clearly pouting. "Ya know, I think I get where you trolls were coming from with the whole black romace thing, pissing you off is so much fun and also I wouldn't mind that hentai in my ass, just saying."

Gamzee laughed, part happy that he could laugh part pissed that Dirk was the one that drew it out of him. Jake's input had devolved into breathless splutters of shock. "Shut up, you vanilla ice cream looking bitch!"

Dirk offered finger guns. 

Gamzee got up, still trying to hold back laughter, and shook his head, making a weak hand motion towards Dirk. "Sit. Stay. All that. I'll come get you later."

"Yeah, boi, go get laaaaid."

Gamzee dashed away before Dirk could continue, snatching up his rucksack and sprinting for home, throwing open the door and tossing the bag on the floor. "Tavrooooos!!"

"Gamzee?!?" A startled but happy squeal and Tavros wheeled out of their bedroom. His hair was a greasy mess, he was completely naked, his eyes were tired from lack of sleep and Gamzee had never seen anything more perfectly wonderful. He staggered to him and collapsed to his knees, wrapping his arms around Tavros' waist and kissing frantically at his stomach and thighs and crotch, gently running his tongue over the soft skin and tasting the sweetness of genetic material. 

"Tavros..." Gamzee groaned his matesprit's name, already crying with relief, half standing to kiss Tavros on the mouth and moaning softly when Tavros' hands pulled at his wet body, urging him closer, making soft sounds of love and need in the back of his throat. 

Shaking, Gamzee picked Tavros up with infinite care and carried him to their bed, pretending like he didn't notice the large patch of brown that hadn't been there when he'd left. Laying the crippled troll down on his back, Gamzee crawled on top of him, kissing every inch of skin he could, alternately laughing and crying with the pure joy of feeling Tavros' bare body against his own. Tavros was in a similar state, brown tears rolling down his cheeks as he said over and over how much he loved him. 

Gamzee kissed him roughly on the lips, their tongues meeting halfway while he reached a hand down to see if Tavros' body was ready to take him. Satisfied that Tavros would feel no pain, Gamzee pressed closer, eased himself as far as he could go, pure joy lighting his soul as Tavros laughed and arched his back, his strong arms around Gamzee's neck. "Oh my Gog, Gamzee..." Tavros tightened his grip, pulling him as close as he could be, urging him to just go already. 

Guided by Tavros' needy hands and begging voice, Gamzee wrapped his arms around Tavros' body and slammed into him hard enough to shift his body upward. Gamzee started to get worried that he was hurting Tavros, but the lowblood was laughing, hands against the headboard to keep himself steady.  _"Yes, Gamzee, Gog, Yes!"_

Gamzee whimpered Tavros' name, getting lost in the deep pleasure that sweet body could give, and Tavros' half-shouted words of encouragement kept him from slowing even when, screaming the word "Yes!" over and over, Tavros came in a flood of brown genetic material. Gamzee hesitated for a moment, unsure if Tavros was done or not, but then Tavros pulled at him and begged him to not stop, to keep going, for the love of Gog don't slow down. 

Holding Tavros' body tighter, kissing messily at his throat, Gamzee kept going, each impact sending a jolt of pure pleasure through his system. Tavros' heart was beating hard in his chest and he was panting softly and he was so warm and alive and beautiful. "Tavros, Tavros, Tavros..." He gasped Tavros' name again and again, starting to shake as the pleasure reached its peak and, with a shiver, he finished, clumsily keeping himself moving, unwilling to stop until Tavros said he was done. Gently, Tavros pushed him off and Gamzee snuggled against his side, shaking all over, kissing his ribs and grub scars. 

Tavros wrapped both arms around him, held him as close as he could possibly be, petting his hair, running a hand down his back, and quietly whispering how much he had missed him, how perfect he was, how strong, how beautiful. Gamzee hid his face against Tavros' chest, staying hidden until his heart slowed to a normal pace. And then he remembered the bucket. 

He giggled and peeked through his wild hair. "Hey. Tavvy. Guess what I got."

"Hmm..." Tavros bent down awkwardly to kiss him on the lips. "I'm guessing you got the hots for a cripple?"

"Well... Yeah, but that's not what I was getting at." Gamzee kissed him back, reaching down a hand to rub Tavros between the legs until his dark brown bulge pushed itself free once more to wrap around his wrist. "I found a bucket," he purred, kissing Tavros on the throat and rubbing him the way he knew he liked. 

Tavros gasped softly at Gamzee's touch. "Y-You did...?"

"Mmhmm~" He started to kiss his way down Tavros' body, purple eyes sparkling with love and happiness. He kissed and licked at Tavros' bulge when he reached it, running his hand along its length and purring deeply at Tavros' breathless sounds. The brown bulge pressed itself against Gamzee's cheek, rubbing against the skin, and Gamzee chuckled, turning his head to kiss it again before backing away. "I'm gunna go get that bucket now."

"P-Please do," Tavros whimpered, face flushed chocolate brown. 

Gamzee shifted backwards, away from the bed, unwilling to turn his eyes from the beauty of Tavros Nitram. Then he spun on his heel and dashed to the front door, tearing the bucket free and running back. He'd only been gone ten seconds, but apparently that was too long for Tavros, because the lowblood's hands were between his legs. Gamzee staggered to the bed and set the bucket down, Tavros watching him with eyes glazed over with need, still touching himself when Gamzee leaned down to kiss him. One hand, sticky with brown fluid, curled against the nape of his neck and Gamzee purred softly against Tavros' mouth, gently easing Tavros' other hand back to his side. 

"I've got you," he murmured quietly, settling on top of his matesprit and rocking their hips together in sweet friction. 

Tavros made that soft warble noise he usually only made in the mornings, running his hands along Gamzee's thighs and purring. "Gamzee~" he breathed, pure love and amazement in his voice. "My Gamzee..."

"Yeah, brother." Gamzee laid his cheek on Tavros', shifting so that he could get Tavros' bulge in his nook. "All your's..." Tavros gasped softly, put his hands to Gamzee's hips and pushed him down further, groaning with want. "All your's." One hand on the headboard, the other gripping one of Tavros' hands, Gamzee started to move, not bothering to hold in the stream of whimpers and moans that bubbled to his lips as he raised himself up and dropped back down, Tavros' bulge rubbing sweetly against the climax-sensitive walls of his nook. 

Tavros' free hand was on Gamzee's hip, weakly trying to help him move, soft mewls and deep groans coming from his parted lips, only stopping when Gamzee leaned down to kiss him, resuming when they parted for breath. "Gamzee... Oh, Gamzee, I-" Tavros arched his back as best as his injury would allow and his nails dug into the skin of Gamzee's hip. "Bucket!" he suddenly yelped, pawing at Gamzee and panting. "Bucket!"

"Hold on, brother, hold on," Gamzee rocked against him, legs shaking, not quite there. "Just hold on for a minute more, Tavvy." Tavros groaned and tipped his head back, the tips of his horns threatening to poke through the mattress. He weakly whispered Gamzee's name, shivers sending him into a constant tremble against Gamzee's hot skin. 

He held out for only half the minute requested before he let out a soft cry. "Gamzee!"

Wrapping his arms around Tavros' shaking body, Gamzee scooped him up, got him off the bed and above the bucket just before dark brown fluid poured down to splash against the bucket's metal bottom. He moved against Tavros for a few more gentle thrusts before purple joined the warm mix. 

Tavros was limp against him, head on Gamzee's shoulder, every muscle relaxed. "I feel so much better," he murmured quietly, weakly bringing up a hand to get lost in Gamzee's curls. "Thank you... For coming come..."

"Always..." Gamzee held him for a moment longer before making his way back to the living room and setting Tavros in his wheelchair. "Now do you wanna see what I brought you?"

"Yes, please." Tavros wheeled along next to Gamzee as he picked up his rucksack and carried it to the couch, sitting down and waiting patiently as Tavros moved himself to sit beside. Gamzee would have helped, of course, but he knew that sometimes Tavros liked to help himself. 

"Alright." Gamzee unzipped the little side pocket and brought free the little plastic pony doll, ridiculously pink in this world where most artificial colors had faded. Tavros squealed happily and snatched it from Gamzee's hands, putting one finger over the plastic above the little toy's muzzle. 

"Pinkie Pie was my favorite!... You remembered..." Tavros smiled at Gamzee, brown tears pooling in his eyes again. 

Gamzee ducked his head a bit, blushing. "Yeah... Oh, here." He took out the tiny little markers he'd taken from the kid's coloring book set and handed them over. "I didn't test 'em, but they should still work. They were some hard plasticky shit, so I don't think they'd dry out."

"Oh, thank you." He carefully set what he had in his lap, freeing his hands as Gamzee unzipped the main part of the rucksack and pulled out three books. 

"Here. It's what you're missing."

Tavros, quite literally, screeched. "OH MY GOG GAMZEE YOU FOUND THEM?!!?"

"Mmhmm." Gamzee put them in Tavros' reaching hands and the lowblood ruffled through the pages, a look of awe on his face. Gamzee smiled stupidly, happy that he'd made Tavros happy. He then took out the coloring book and slid it over to Tavros' side, saying, "I got you this too. Look at it whenever you're done, uh, petting your books." Tavros glanced down at it and muttered something, continuing to pet the spines of his books. 

Gamzee rooted around in his rucksack again, pulling out the last item, the little electric razor, in an attempt to regain Tavros' attentions. He held it up to the sun for a second, letting those little miracle batteries charge, then he clicked the button. The soft buzz drew Tavros' attention and he glanced up, brown eyes widening in shock as it registered what Gamzee was holding. Unconsciously, he reached up to tug at the hair on the side of his head. "Is that...?"

Gamzee grinned. "It is."

"Will you?"

"I will." 

Tavros set his books aside with one last loving pat then lifted himself back in his wheelchair, leading the way quickly to and out the front door. He got himself on the ground and Gamzee sat behind him, laying one hand on the back of Tavros' head to keep him still before buzzing off his dirty black hair. He had to stop every little bit to pop out the blades and dump the hair out onto the grass, but the little razor did its job well, and soon Tavros' hair was back like Gamzee remembered it being. "It's done." He clicked the razor off. 

Tavros ran both hands over his head. "It... Feels strange now."

Gamzee gently tugged the lowblood into his lap and kissed him on the neck. "I'll bet so."

"Mm... Oh, and Gamzee?"

"Hmm?"

"What's that spot on your chest? It looks pretty painful... What happened?"

Gamzee shrugged, for a split second forgetting that Dirk was a nuisance only to himself and not the whole world and Tavros would have no idea who he was. "Oh, Dirk just stabbed me, it's fine."

 _"What?!"_ Tavros twisted awkwardly to look Gamzee in the eyes. "Who's Dirk? Why did he stab you? What happened?"

Gamzee gently nuzzled his face against the curve of Tavros' neck. "Now, bro, don't panic, it's all right, I promise."

Tavros choked for a second and spluttered, "It is not alright at all, Gamzee! You got stabbed!"

"It was a misunderstanding." Gamzee ran his hands along Tavros' bare body, trying to calm him down. "I broke into his place, he stabbed me, we said our apologies, we're cool now."

"So... Wait a minute." Tavros grabbed one of Gamzee's hands and twined their fingers together. "You met a live person?"

"Two, actually. His matesprit was living with him. That guy's an asshole though, never met anyone so racist." Gamzee wondered if Tavros could carry on a conversation while turned on and gently started to touch him between the legs. "I beat up Dirk for stabbing me and then we kinda hung around during the storm in a Dollar General."

Tavros' breath was speeding up, his grip tightening on Gamzee's. "D-Dollar General?"

"Mmhmm. That was actually where I got the pony!" Gamzee purred softly when Tavros' bulge tried to wrap around his hand. "We stayed there till the rain stopped. I figured them two would go on, but they kept following me around."

Tavros made a noise that may have been a response. Gamzee concluded that Tavros could not, in fact, carry on a conversation and get a handjob at the same time. Shame. He hummed quietly while he touched his matesprit, genetic material running through his fingers, and Tavros gave the occasional soft moan or a barely coherent direction. 

When Tavros gave a soft cry and finished, Gamzee kissed the lowblood's newly-shaved head just at the base of his horn and purred quietly until Tavros weakly copied the sound. 

"Thanks," he murmured, shifting to look at Gamzee's face. 

"Mmhmm." Gamzee turned to look over his shoulder, suddenly worried that Dirk had wandered up. There was no one in sight and he started to absentmindedly lick his hand clean. 

"Gamzee, don't do that!" Tavros covered his face with his hands, blushing to his ears. 

Gamzee blinked confused. "Tavros, I've licked  _you_ clean before. What's bad about this? 'Sides," he kissed Tavros on the forehead. "You taste real good."

"Gaaamzeeeeee!" Tavros further hid his face in embarrassment, turning and pressing himself against Gamzee's chest. Gamzee chuckled quietly and rested his chin on the top of Tavros' head. 

The sun was setting and the sky was a blaze of orange and that's when he remembered that Dirk was waiting for him. He flinched a bit and looked down at Tavros. "Ah... Tavvy?"

"Hmm?"

"Remember those two humans I mentioned?"

"Racist and Stabby?"

"Yes."

Tavros nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

Gamzee braced himself and said, "They're waiting by the creek for me to go get them."

Tavros jerked away from him so suddenly that he fell free of Gamzee's lap and sprawled awkwardly on the grass, grimacing in pain. Gamzee made a noise of pure distress and agony, reaching down to scoop Tavros up and cradle him gently against his chest. Tavros looked mad, but he let Gamzee hold him. 

"Gamzee Makara, how dare you bring strangers here," he spat the words and Gamzee flinched. "And one that stabbed you no less! What, do you want to get us both killed?"

"No... No, Tavvy, that's not-"

Tavros wasn't done. "We've survived this far because we were completely and utterly alone, Gamzee. Because we didn't have to look out for anyone but each other. And now you've dragged two more people out here and we're going to be easier to find for that, and what if the ones that find us aren't friendly? Hmm?" Tavros hit him weakly on the chest. "I've said it once and I'll say it again, there's no gun in this house. All we could do is die. Well," Tavros amended his statement, "I would die. You would probably survive."

"No." Gamzee gripped Tavros harder, crushing the lowblood against him. "I'll die when you do, Tavros, no matter what."

"Don't be silly, Gamzee." Tavros waved his hand. "You'll live for thousands of sweeps past my tiny lifetime."

"I will die. When you do. No matter what." Gamzee held Tavros close, curved himself around that broken troll until he was almost completely out of sight, save for his massive horns. "You're all I love, Tavros."

"Oh, Gamzee." There was a kind of pain Gamzee couldn't figure out in Tavros' voice, but he didn't ask. "Alright," Tavros poked at his chest. "Put me in my wheelchair. I'll go get dressed. You go get your new death sentences."

Gamzee flinched. "Tavvy, don't..."

"Okay, okay, sorry, don't cry!" Tavros gently laid a hand on Gamzee's cheek as the highblood placed him in his wheelchair. "I just... I get scared for you Gamzee."

"I know." Gamzee nuzzled his cheek against Tavros' palm. "I'll try not to be so stupid anymore."

"Good Gamzee." Tavros stretched up to kiss him gently on the lips before wheeling himself back in the house. 

Gamzee whined softly and began to make his way to the creek, feeling guilty that he'd made Tavros scared. The two humans were fast asleep, Jake pressed against Dirk's side with the blond's arms protectively around him. Gamzee nudged Dirk with his foot. "Hey. Wake up, stupid."

"Shut up, ugly," Dirk groaned, struggling to sit up, Jake barely managing to raise his head. "How many times did you bang him? That took years, dude."

"Twice, and it wasn't that long." Gamzee grabbed Dirk under the arms and raised him to his feet before doing the same with Jake. "Now, I want something to be made very, very clear." Gamzee glared at them both, but he lingered on Jake longer. "Neither of you is to say anything about his disability, got it?"

"Jimminy!" Jake exclaimed. "He's disabled?"

"He is." Gamzee shifted closer to Jake, growling deep in his chest. "And I swear to you, if you start jabbing and make him cry, I will rip apart your ribcage and tear out your heart so that the last thing you'll ever see is it beating in my hands. Understand?"

"Gamzee," Dirk spoke with a note of warning, but Gamzee didn't take his eyes off Jake's. 

The man nodded, clearly terrified. "Y-Yes sir!"

"Good. Come on." Gamzee led the way to his home and nudged open the door. Tavros was sitting in his wheelchair not far away, clothes for Gamzee in his lap. He held them out and Gamzee took them just as the human entered warily. 

"Great scotts, he's a cripple!"

Gamzee whirled on Jake, letting out a roar of pure rage not unlike the one he'd aimed at Dirk when he'd accused him of rape. A gentle hand touched his side and Gamzee calmed at Tavros' touch, still shaking with anger but no longer needing to scream it out. 

"It's okay, Gamzee." Tavros' voice was shaky with hurt. "It's true, after all."

"Dude," Dirk whacked Jake on the back of the head. "Stop being an ass." The blond swaggered past his matesprit and dramatically bowed at the waist to Tavros. "So you're the great Tavros. Gamzee thinks you're a god, or a goddess, or something like that. I'm Dirk, that's Jake." He offered his hand and Tavros, stunned, took it. Dirk kissed the back of Tavros' hand, smirking up at Gamzee the whole time. 

Gamzee growled and Dirk growled back, walking past and intentionally bumping him with his shoulder. "Permission to wander, M'Lord?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. Gamzee didn't grace him with a response. 

Jake scampered after Dirk, clearly worried that Gamzee would follow through on his previous threat if Dirk wasn't there to stop him. Gamzee grumbled to himself and started pulling clothes on, not noticing the look Tavros was giving him until he was fully dressed. "What?"

Tavros giggled softly. "So that's why you let them follow you, hmm?"

Gamzee flushed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeees you dooo!" Tavros clapped his hands, suddenly much more excited about the uninvited guests. "You've got a crush on Dirk!"

"I do not!" Gamzee said, too quickly and too loudly. 

Tavros laughed and sang, "Gamzee has a pitch crush~ Gamzee has a pitch crush~"

Face purple, Gamzee slunk away to another room. But he wasn't doing it to look for Dirk. No. Not at all. Not even a little. 


	12. The Ol' Razzle Dazzle

Jake wrapped his arms around Dirk's chest and tried to stop his legs from shaking. Gamzee was... A lot scarier than he thought he was. And smarter... "I didn't  _mean_ to say it, it just kinda, fell out, you know?"

"I know, Jake." Dirk patted him on the head, almost but not quite hugging him back. "Doesn't change the fact that the first thing you ever said to this guy was pointing out the fact that he can't walk."

Jake flinched. "I know, I know... I need to apologize, but I don't think-"

"Nope. Stop right there." Dirk pushed him away, made him look into his bright orange eyes. "I know you Jake, I know how you are. You're going to make some excuse about how he probably doesn't want to hear it, or how he won't want to see you, when the truth is, you're scared of facing consequences." His expression softened, just barely, and he laid a hand on Jake's shoulder. "It's not a bad thing, Jake. It's just a thing. Now come on. If you're not ready to apologize, let's just go sit. There's something I need to tell you anyway."

Dirk led the way to a back door that was in the kitchen, holding it for Jake. They went outside and sat together by the side of the house, watching clothes and bedsheet flutter on a wire not terribly far away, just visible in the blue light of dusk. "Damn. They got everything figured out, don't they?"

"Mmhmm." Jake tucked his legs against his chest and hugged them, thinking of all the things Dirk could want to talk about. "What did you want to tell me?"

Dirk tapped one finger against his knee for a second, a motion Jake had come to recognize as a sign of an internal debate. "The last night we were at our place, Gamzee... I guess he made a move on me."

"He  _what?"_ Jake's face flushed red, though he didn't know if it was from anger at Gamzee or if it was embarrassment at the picture that conjured up. 

Dirk held up both hands, trying and failing to force his face to show what he was feeling. "It's fine. We didn't do anything. However, he did ask me to be his... Kisme-something."

"Kismesis." Jake said automatically. Dirk looked surprised and Jake hurried to explain. "He mentioned it when he was high on something."

Dirk grunted and rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway... I didn't tell him no- Don't get mad!" He brushed his blond hair back from his face, red-tinged from sunburn. "He explained troll romance to me a bit. Apparently we have a matespritship-" Jake flinched, "-and what he wants is a kismesissitude. So, technically, I wouldn't be leaving you or cheating on you." He tried for a grin but it looked more like a grimace. 

"Do you want to?" Jake muttered after a minute. "Be in a... Black relationship?"

Dirk glanced at him. "I... I think I wouldn't mind trying it out. And, yeah, I like teasing Gamzee and I low-key meant what I said at the creek. But I'll say no if me being quasi-romantically involved with him would make you upset or-"

Jake shook his head and held up his hands. "No, no! It's quite alright!" he said, though inside he felt anything but alright. "I don't have a problem with it." He did. "Do whatever will make you happy."

"Damn, um..." Dirk shifted. "Thanks man." He leaned forward and hugged Jake, a surprisingly warm hug compared to his others. Jake hugged him back, trying to ignore how his guts were flipping over themselves. "I know I'm not the best boyfriend, but... Thanks for sticking with me through all this."

Jake could hear it in Dirk's voice that it was difficult for Dirk to talk openly like that. Unused to something like this, Jake awkwardly pressed a kiss to Dirk's temple and, to his great surprise, Dirk relaxed against him, holding him tighter for just a second. "It's alright, old boy." Jake patted the blond's pale hair. 

"Mmhmm." Dirk pulled away and got up. "Well, I'm gunna go piss Gamzee off. Apologize to Tavros, yeah?"

"Yes, yes..." Jake nodded and waved Dirk off. Dirk trotted back inside, the speed of his steps tipping Jake off to just how happy he really was. The second that back door shut, Jake curled up on his side and whined miserably to himself. He didn't want to share Dirk, especially not with a troll that had tricked him in such a cruel way. Then why couldn't he make himself say it? Again, Jake wondered if he and Dirk were really meant for each other. How could they be if they couldn't even talk to each other? And Dirk clearly felt that he needed something more seeing as how he was going off to get Gamzee and- No. No, he couldn't blame Dirk for that. It was he, Jake, that could rarely bring himself to kiss Dirk and had never, even after seven years of being together, allowed anything even close to sexual. Dirk had always shrugged it off when Jake flinched back from a kiss and didn't press when he pushed a hand away that had wandered too low, but Jake could see the tiny signs of pain Dirk had spent his entire life struggling to hide. 

It was Jake's fault that Dirk wanted something more. And he could hardly blame him for that. 

With a groan of self-pity, Jake pushed himself up and forced himself to stand. He might as well get the whole apologizing thing over with. Running a hand through his dark hair in an attempt to tame the locks, he reentered the house and walked back through the kitchen, peeking around the corner to see Dirk and Tavros messing with Gamzee. The highblood was in the cripple's lap, giving in to soft purrs and looks of love whenever Tavros ran his hands along his body or murmured something quietly. But Dirk was close by, darting in to pinch and poke at Gamzee until the troll turned with a snarl and a snap only to be gently coaxed back to complacency by Tavros. It was almost cute, in a weird way. 

Then Dirk darted in again, pinching and poking and whacking relentlessly until Gamzee lumbered up and chased after him, growling. Dirk frolicked ahead, light footed and fast, throwing insults over his shoulder as both troll and human disappeared into another room. 

Jake gulped and stepped out from his hiding place. Tavros turned his head, immediately shrinking into himself when he saw Jake standing there. With Gamzee, Tavros sat up tall and smiled and laughed, and it made Jake feel kind of sad that he turned that happy troll into the shivering thing that sat there now. Tavros glanced up at him, clearly scared, and mewled, "C-Can I h-help you?"

Jake kicked at the floor and got a few more steps closer enforce answering. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean-"

"No you're not." Tavros' voice stopped shaking for a second and Jake looked up in shock. The troll flinched, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "I, I just, I can, your voice, it, I could just..." He lowered his head and whispered, "I can hear it in your voice. You're just saying that because you think you h-have to."

Was he? Jake didn't think he was, but then, did he actually feel sorry about making Tavros upset? He didn't know that either. Dirk was right, he just didn't like the consequences. He started to say something- an agreement? A defense?- but Tavros started speaking first. "It's ok-kay. I should be used to it by now anyways. Then again, it has been a while since I've h-heard it..." The troll messed with his hands for a second. Then, "You're the racist one, right?" 

Jake blinked. "Excuse me?"

Tavros' cheeks suddenly deepened into a dark brown. "G-Gamzee said you think trolls are dogs. That's racist."

Jake crossed his arms, hackles rising. "I've lived on an island my whole life, with no contact from anyone save digital, how was I supposed to know that what a lot of human's said wasn't true?"

"By Googling our species." Tavros' voice was still soft, but had lost some of its shake. "I'm not going to say it's okay- it isn't- but so long as you get over it, I guess you can stay too."

"Too?" Jake shifted, suddenly hyper aware that he was under Gamzee's roof. 

"Well... Yeah." Tavros wheeled himself around and rolled to the couch. "Dirk staying was a given, seeing as Gamzee's pitch as can be for him. It was you he kind of wanted to rip open."

"R-Rip open?" Jake had a very clear mental image of Gamzee punching through a hard wood floor like it was thin ice. 

"Mmhmm." Tavros got himself onto the couch and dragged his unresponsive legs up with him, tucking them close against himself. "I love Gamzee, more than anything, but I'll readily admit that he has anger issues." Oddly, Tavros produced a coloring book and four tiny markers in red, blue, green, and yellow. Opening the book, speaking quieter, Tavros said, "He thinks I don't know, but I've seen the blood on his knuckles from when he hits things and the blood on his clothes when the things he hits are alive... Well, were alive. Not much can withstand the full impact of a highblood." The soft scritch-scritch of the cheap markers seemed overly loud to Jake. 

Suddenly afraid, wanting the security of something Gamzee loved too much to hurt, Jake joined Tavros on the couch. Tavros glanced at him, a flicker of fear on his face, but when Jake made no move to hurt him he relaxed again and went back to his coloring. Jake tucked his legs up, hugging them like he'd done not long ago. "So..." He floundered desperately for something to talk about. "What's your favorite color?"

"Purple." Tavros didn't even hesitate. "Your's?"

"Green." Jake twiddled his thumbs, his chin on his knees. "Umm... Why is your blush brown?"

Tavros gave him a strange look. "I'm a rustblood."

Yeah. Duh. Of course. Jake sighed and tried again. "How have you been surviving through all this fluff and feathers?"

"Gamzee." Jake looked around, but the highblood was still gone, supposedly chasing Dirk, and so Jake assumed that was Tavros' answer. He waited a moment and Tavros continued. "He's everything to me, he... He protects me, he feeds me, he takes care of my... My physical needs." The troll flushed deep brown and quickly moved on. "He carried me here, because the road was too bumpy for my wheelchair, the he went back and brought my chair up too. He set up my clothesline, he makes trips to town when he has to, he took care of me when I got sick, he just... He's done everything." 

Talking about Gamze seemed to have chased away the last of Tavros' shyness and his eyes, trained absently on his coloring page, were soft with love. There was something about the troll's voice when he talked about his matesprit that Jake liked. He didn't want Tavros to stop talking just yet. Hesitantly, he asked, "What is Gamzee really like? It's pretty obvious to me now that what I thought I knew was all an act..."

Tavros made some odd noise in the back of his throat, half purr, half chuckle. "Gamzee is wonderful," he started, his voice filled with that tone Jake had never heard and yet, for some reason, craved. He didn't bother with questioning his desire, he just shifted closer to Tavros and listened. "When we first met, I though he was just another drug-toting gangster, but eventually he got me to let him prove me wrong. He's so sweet and caring and warm, it's like his soul is made of pure light. He tries to act tough sometimes but he melts so quickly, it's adorable. He..." Tavros' blush spread to his ears and his voice quieted a bit in embarrassment. "He's a gentle lover. He only cares what I want, how I feel. Sometimes I think he doesn't even like the sex, he just likes to see me happy." Fumbling with his markers, he dropped one and Jake reached for it, their hands colliding. Tavros flinched away and Jake gently offered the tiny marker. "Thank you..." Tavros refocused on his picture, refusing to look Jake in the face. "I once saw Gamzee rip the door off a car with his bare hands. I've also seen him carry a grub like it was the most sacred duty he'd ever been given. So I guess he's just like the rest of us, as complicated as the universe itself."

Taking all this into consideration, Jake suddenly and finally realized that trolls really, truly, were no different from humans. He thought about his treatment of the mighty highblood before- puppy-dog-voice, pats on the head, barely-concealed references to his apparently low I.Q.- and he was flooded wth shame, a feeling he didn't like at all. "Goodness." He muttered. "I'm the one that been acting like some tallywacker without two licks of sense."

"Mmhmm." Tavros scribbled a bit more and Jake leaned over to look, expecting a few blocks of color, but what he found was a drawing that paid no heed to the delicate, swirling lines that formed the intricate picture-turned-backdrop. On the page was a startlingly well done picture of Gamzee, done in blue and green. Seeing the look on Jake's face, Tavros shrugged and muttered uncomfortably, "I used to draw him a lot."

"Great scotts, but that's impressive. Any other hidden talents?" Jake blinked up at the troll, suddenly noticing that his eyes were a rich, deep brown. 

"Um... I can play the guitar?" Tavros shifted, pressing himself against the arm of the couch and Jake leaned back, not wanting to make the crippled troll uncomfortable. 

"Well, doesn't that just razz my berries!" Jake clapped his hands, genuinely impressed. "What can you play?"

Tavros ducked his head. "A-Anything really... I was really good at recognizing notes and t-translating them into g-guitar."

Jake wished he had a guitar with him. 

From further in the house came a thud and an enraged screech from Gamzee. Dirk came hurtling around the doorway, arms pumping, chest heaving, though his face was still blank. He skidded to a halt and waved. "Hey babe. Hey Jake." Tavros flushed for the umpteenth time and Gamzee came barreling at him, pure hatred on his face. Dirk blew a kiss at Tavros before dashing to the kitchen and Gamzee made a garbled noise of anger, unable to catch Dirk as his own momentum worked against him, sending him crashing to the ground, delaying him for the time it took to scramble to his feet and give chase once more. 

Jake found that he was quite relived to be back in the company of just Tavros once they'd gone. "Ah... Tavvy?"

Tavros flinched a bit. "Y-Yes?"

"I was just wondering... How does the whole black romance thing work?"

"Umm... W-Well..." Tavros tucked himself further inward, like he was trying to hide. "It's like, there's something about them that you admire, but they're just so hateable that it makes you hate them even more because you can't stop yourself from liking them. And you also want to have sex with them, though, from what I've seen, black copulation is more like a fight than making love."

From the kitchen came a thud and a soft groan. Jake felt his cheeks heat up. "I'm gunna just go check on Dirk."

"Kay." Tavros relaxed with his drawing and Jake darted into the kitchen, freezing at the sight of Gamzee pinning his boyfriend to the ground. For all his misgivings, seeing Dirk beneath someone else made Jake absolutely furious to an extent that surprised himself.

He stomped forward and shoved Gamzee hard. The highblood, perhaps from shock, allowed himself to be rolled over. Jake helped Dirk to his feet and the blond stood close to him, a real grin on his face, still breathing hard. "Take that, troll. The Strider's got backup." Gamzee bared his teeth and grumbled, getting up and running a hand through his crazy hair. Jake shifted closer to Dirk until they touched. Dirk flashed him a surprised look, but didn't move away. "Anyway, Jakey here apparently wants attention, so shoo, be gone, I seal thee away in Tavros' pants, or whatever."

Gamzee chuckled, a deep, rumble of a sound, and swaggered past, bumping Dirk lightly as he did.

"Oh, and," Dirk looked over his shoulder just as Gamzee was about to be out of view. "Yes." Gamzee froze, looking at Dirk with huge purple eyes. A grin spread across his face, displaying his over-sized fangs, and he hopped out of sight, a growl trailing behind. 

Dirk shuffled his feet and slid his arm around Jake's waist, holding him close. For just a moment, Jake wanted to flinch away, but he forced himself to stay until the feeling vanished and then leaned gratefully against Dirk, resting his head against his partner's shoulder, the exertion of the day hitting him all at once, making him ache all the way to his bones. "Dirk?"

"Mm?"

"I'm tired." 

"Okay." Dirk reached for him and Jake tensed up. Seeing this, Dirk started to pull back, like he always did, but Jake opened his arms and made himself accept Dirk's touch. They'd been dating for years for cobb's sake, why did the slightest show of care make him so gosh darned scared?

Dirk's face softened as much as Jake had ever seen him manage and he gently lifted Jake into his arms. It was actually kind of nice. Once again, Jake rested his head against his boyfriend's broad shoulders and shut his eyes, just feeling the gentle shift of Dirk's footsteps. He heard Dirk talk, and then Gamzee, but he blocked it out for the most part, choosing instead to fake sleep. Dirk was shifting from foot to foot, rocking Jake like he was a child. It really was quite comforting. After a few more murmurs and a bit of shifting about, Jake was laid down and he flicked his eyes open for a second to see that he was on the couch. Tavros was in his chair, wheeling off, probably to his own bed, and Jake watched him until he was out of sight before letting his eyes fall shut again. The couch creaked and a warm body slid in behind him, strong arms holding him close, keeping him safe. 

"Dirk?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I'm such a terrible boyfriend."

"Oh, Jake..." Dirk held him tighter for a moment, pressing his face against Jake's neck, but he didn't deny Jake's words. Heart heavy, Jake laid his hand on Dirk's and tried to go to sleep, the day's long trek and the exhausting aftershocks of socialization had left him drained of all strength and he was finally crashing. He drifted off just as Gamzee threw a blanket over them both. 


	13. Regerts

Dirk woke up in absolute, breath-taking pain. 

Perhaps, he thought, running around a house and then carrying a grown man wasn't the best choices I could have made. 

He struggled to sit up, hoping a more elevated angle would make it easier to breathe, but his chest still felt constricted, like iron bands were slowly crushing his lungs. 

"Dirk...?" Jake blinked at him, groggy and tired. 

I'm fine, Dirk tried to say, but all that came out was a strangled squeak. 

"Dirk!" Jake sat up beside him, slapped him hard on the back, even though that didn't help, and rubbed his chest in an attempt to get air in there, but all that served was to make him feel smothered. Catching sight of his cane on the floor, Dirk waved a hand at it and Jake bent to scoop it up, pressing it to Dirk's hand. Weak, gasping, Dirk hobbled to the front door of the house and managed to paw it open, staggering out into the mist-damp morning air and finally taking something close to a full breath. 

"Are you okay?" Jake brushed his hair back, looking into his orange eyes and resting a hand on his forehead. The man looked genuinely worried and that made Dirk feel kind of... Happy...

Dirk nodded in response to Jake's question, those iron bands releasing their grip. "I'm fine, just... I may have made some terrible decisions." 

Jake grumbled something about what an idiot he was before leading him back to the couch and making him lay down. "I knew you shouldn't have been roughhousing with Gamzee like that. Now stay down. You're hurt." Jake bent to pick up the blanket that lay in a heap on the ground and tossed it over Dirk, tucking it around him, muttering angrily under his breath the whole time. 

"Now stay." Jake gave him a Look and turned to walk away. A bit later he heard the back door open and shut. With a soft sigh, Dirk resigned himself to a while of laying down. He shut his eyes, trying to relax past the steady ache that filled his chest, wondering what he would do to fill his time when a soft noise caught his attention. 

He kept his eyes shut, ears straining in an attempt to hear anything else. Then, again, a soft cry. 

Oof, Dirk thought to himself. 

His suspicions as to the origins of the sounds were confirmed when, muffled by walls and door, Tavros' voice cried out Gamzee's name. 

Big oof. 

Unable to get up, Dirk laid and listened to the barely-noticeable sounds of sex. He had to give it to the two, they were remarkably quiet. 

The back door opened again and Jake returned, holding a wet cloth in his hands. "I went down to the creek to get it," he murmured, gently wiping the pain-sweat from Dirk's brow. It was pleasantly cool and Dirk hummed, partly to express thanks, partly to make a noise that would keep Jake from listening too hard and noticing the noises one room over. There was a troubled look in Jake's eyes, one Dirk had seen many times but had never asked about. Part of him wanted to ask now, but the greater part knew he wouldn't be able to focus if Jake did end up answering. 

The door to the bedroom opened and Gamzee walked out with his graceful, predator's walk. His eyes flicked over Dirk and he cocked a brow. Dirk weakly raised a hand. Jake looked over his shoulder and then quickly turned back around, shamefaced at the sight of the highblood. Looks like Jake is almost ready to stop being so damn racist. Dirk was relieved. 

Giving a brief, soft growl, Gamzee padded closer and Dirk couldn't help but notice that despite his size, the troll was entirely silent, strengthening Dirk's perception of him as a creature of the hunt. He went on his knees next to Jake and Dirk suddenly realized that he'd been wrong about the highblood's height that day of their meeting. He was definitely more than a head taller than Jake. "What's wrong?" There was some kind of strangled concern in Gamzee's deep voice. Dirk gave a short laugh, wheezing from the pain of it, as Gamzee sniffed at his face and neck. 

"Oh, you know, I just realized how healthy I always am, just health out the wazoo, practically sweating vitamins or some shit and I thought I'd give sick a try, see how that goes."

Gamzee growled again- or was that a purr?- and stood up. "And how's it going?"

"It sucks ass, man. Sucks ass." 

Gamzee laughed and walked silently over to where his rucksack still lay against the wall, reaching for it just as Tavros wheeled into the room. Whatever Gamzee had been planning on doing was completely blown from his mind and Dirk watched with more than a little jealousy as Gamzee's face lit up with love and happiness, like it had been days since he'd seen the wheelchair-bound troll, when in fact they had just had literal sex no less than five minutes ago. The highblood dashed to his matesprit, crawling in his lap and kissing him deeply, cradling Tavros' head in his hands. Tavros made a soft noise and wrapped his arms around Gamzee's middle, his hands gripping the back of his shirt. When they parted, Dirk heard Tavros whisper, "Holy shit, Gamzee, why don't you kiss me like that every time I enter the room?"

"Cause," Gamzee kissed him again, "you'd just keep leaving and coming back."

"Fair point." A last kiss and Gamzee stepped back to the ground with clear reluctance. He huffed and trotted quickly to his rucksack for the second time, hastily pulling out a pill bottle and dumping half the assorted drugs into his palm. 

Dirk made a garbled sound of shock and Jake, unable to see Gamzee from his place beside the couch, mistook the sound for pain and grabbed Dirk's hand. Gamzee didn't take the heavy overdose though, instead he went back to his Tavros and said, "Can you help me sort through these? I need something for Dirk but I can't ever remember what's what."

The crippled troll looked at the amount of drugs in Gamze's hand with something like shock then Tavros reached up to lovingly brush Gamzee's tangled curls from his face- God, were they always touching?- and smiled. "Of course." With barely a glance, he plucked a small white pill from the rainbow pile. "Here. Now give me the rest." Gamzee carefully returned the pills to their cracked yellow prison, clicking shut the white plastic bars. He handed Tavros the bottle and brought the pill to Dirk. 

"Here. Tavvy said this'll help."

Dirk was about to challenge Tavros' authority when Jake gave a half smile and allowed Gamzee to drop the pill onto his palm. "Tell him we said thank you."

Gamzee hummed, already turning away to follow Tavros as the troll wheeled himself to the kitchen, turning his head for his horns to fit into the doorway with the absentmindedness of a constantly repeated action. Dirk suddenly wondered how a paralyzed man (or troll) could even have sex. 

Jake was trying to feed him the pill. "Here ya go, down the gullet."

"Jake," Dirk turned his head away. "How do we know that Tavros knows what he's talking about."

Jake shrugged. "Well, Gamzee trusts him to know which drug is which."

"Jake, Gamzee would trust Tavros even if Tavros was carving him up alive."

Jake flinched and shuddered at the image that conjured up. "Cobb jimminy, Dirk!" He made another face of distaste before again holding out the pill. "Just take it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Um, I could go into shock and die?" Dirk accepted the pill anyway, tired of talking and wanting to go back to sleep. And then everything went sparkly. 

\---

Jake felt Dirk shift his hand in his grip until their fingers were knit together. His face slowly relaxed, and an easy smile spread across his cheeks, a look of soft affection in his eyes. "Heeee~y, Jakey." Jake blinked, slightly surprised at the warmth in Dirk's voice. Dirk weakly brought up their hands and kissed sloppily at Jake's knuckles. "Hey. Hey, Jakey, c'mere I gout... Got... Got a secret for ya."

Worried, wanting to run to the kitchen and get Tavros, Jake leaned down at Dirk's beckoning. Quietly, Dirk whispered, "I love you a lot."

Jake jerked back, shock sending a momentary bolt of adrenaline through his system. Dirk still had that lazy smile, but there was something expectant on his face now. "Um... That... That's a wonderful secret, Dirk, thank you for sharing."

Dirk giggled- actually  _giggled!-_ and said, his voice noticeably wobbling, "I know right? Bu' you can't tell anyone, not even yoou~"

"Good that," Jake patted Dirk's cheek and freed his hand, standing up and stepping towards the kitchen. "Now you just go to sleep, okay? You need a nap."

"Naaaaaaaap..." Dirk tried to get his arms under the covers but couldn't seem to get his limbs to bend in the proper ways. With a soft sigh, Jake stepped back up and attempted to help the blond get situated, but when Jake leaned down Dirk wrapped his arms tight around his chest and refused to let go. "Stay, Jakey-Jake, stay."

"No, Dirk, I can't." He tugged gently at the clearly high man's arms, not wanting to hurt him. "I have to go."

Dirk sniffed and Jake felt a moment of panic as he realized Dirk had started to cry. "You never stay." He released Jake and rolled onto his side, finally managing to cover himself up and pulling the blanket to his chin. "Never ever ever..." Jake hesitated, reached out to lay a hand on Dirk's back. Dirk didn't respond, but Jake could still hear his soft sniffs. 

Torn, Jake debated on whether he really should stay with Dirk until Tavros or Gamzee wandered back in of their own accord or if he should go get them. He got up, took a step back. Dirk pulled the covers over his head, slowly bringing his legs up until he was almost in a ball. Jake whirled around and trotted away as quietly as he could, walking in the kitchen just as Gamzee stood up, licking something brown off his lips. 

The highblood glared at him and Tavros twisted around to see what Gamzee was looking at, his face already flushed brown. He was breathing hard. 

Slowly, very slowly, Jake's mind made the connections. Gamzee having purple blood and the thing between his legs dripping purple too, Gamzee now just getting up from his knees with brown on his lips, Tavros' brown blush, Tavros' brown blood, his harsh breathing. 

Oh goodness. 

Feeling his face heat up, feeling a surprising amount of animosity towards the thought of Gamzee touching Tavros, Jake made a half-assed wave towards the room at his back. "Dirk ain't doin' too good," he managed to choke out past the stranglehold embarrassment had on his throat. 

Tavros' blush faded a bit. "What do you mean?" He put his hands on his chair's huge back wheels, turned himself. 

Dont look at his crotch don't look at his crotch don't look at his crotch. 

Jake successfully resisted the urge to look at Tavros' crotch and looked at the kitchen counter instead. "He's, ah, not himself? He's all blah and whatnot, he-" Jake swallowed hard. "He told me he loved me."

Tavros visibly relaxed. "Oh. I thought you meant he threw up or started seizing. No, that's normal, his mental barriers are just down. He'll say whatever he thinks or feels until the drug wears off." Gamzee wrapped his arms around Tavros' neck, kissed the shaved part of his head, just by his horn and Tavros' eyes flicked shut. Jake glanced at the troll's groin, green eyes locked on the flat place between useless legs. 

Cursing himself, Jake wrenched his eyes away, appalled that it was as hard as it was, and searched desperately for something else to concentrate on. His eyes retrained themselves on the watermelon sitting on the counter. What the shit. 

"What?" Tavros looked at him and it occurred to Jake that that last part might have been out loud. 

"I just... Watermelon?"

Gamzee grinned, his dislike of Jake overridden by pride in his matesprit. "Tavros is real good at finding food. He keeps me fed, don't you, you perfect little miracle?" Gamzee started to kiss Tavros again and Tavros laughed, pretending to try and push the highblood away. Jake found that he could not bring himself to look at them. Instead he went to the watermelon and thumped it, thinking. 

_"He'll say whatever he thinks or feels."_

_"I love you a lot."_

_"His mental barriers are just down."_

_"You never stay. Never ever ever."_

Jake put his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands, suddenly, painfully, deeply aware that he hurt everyone he professed to care for. "I'm sorry," he gasped softly, his voice strained with almost-shed tears. 

"What?" Gamzee's voice, softly confused this time, not mocking like the other times Jake had attempted to apologize. 

Jake turned around and bowed at the waist to Gamzee, mostly so he wouldn't have to look into the highblood's eyes. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. Looking back on it, I honestly don't understand how I got away with that with my life, knowing now how strong and proud you are." Standing straight but looking at his hands, Jake continued. "You could have easily killed me and Dirk both, but you didn't. You could have ditched us easily back in town, but you didn't, you led us here, to your home and your beautiful matesprit when it would have been easier to just dump our bodies out for the undead to tear apart, so... I'm sorry and thank you." Jake felt the fear of retribution and rejection bite into his muscles and hold them in a near-painful lock, relaxing only slightly when Gamzee chuckled. 

"Well, would you look at that." A large hand laid on his head, ruffled his hair. "Little no-horn's finally moving on from being a complete asshole." Gamzee patted Jake one last time. "And for the record, I was doing most of that tolerating shit for Dirk. Now let's eat breakfast. I gotta get going."

Jake sat down at the table almost in a daze. No growl? No snarl? No baring of fangs? Gamzee placed Tavros next to him before getting the watermelon and placing it on the table then- to Jake's great surprise- he sank his huge teeth into the rind and started ripping off hunks until he could crack the fruit in half with his bare hands. 

"Dirk has a knife," Jake blurted out. Gamzee blinked up at him. Jake held up his hands to show the length of the near-Bowie knife Dirk possessed in addition to his sword. 

"Well, why didn't you say that before? Watermelon rind tastes terrible." Picking bits of green from his teeth, Gamzee lumbered off and returned a few minutes later with the knife and a zoned-out Dirk. Sitting Dirk down, gently instructing him to sit still, Gamzee cut the split halves of the watermelon in quarters and passed it around. Jake stared at his food for a minute, shocked and oddly touched that he was finally getting to eat something fresh and real that hadn't come out of a can. He looked up at the people he sat with. 

Gamzee ate almost violently, ripping into the red flesh of the fruit, juice smeared across his face, running down his neck. Tavros was a lot cleaner, which didn't really surprise Jake. He ate almost delicately, careful to stay as clean as he possibly could. Dirk was licking at his and Gamzee stopped his attack on his own to remind Dirk that he had to bite down. Dirk smiled and nodded before pressing his face against the watermelon and managing to bite some of it off. He kept his lazy smile the whole time, bleary orange eyes occasionally wandering to Jake. He didn't seem to remember what had had him in tears just a few minutes ago. Jake picked his watermelon piece up, took a bite and fought off a moan at the sweet taste. 

Jake had only just started but Gamzee was already done, wiping his face on his hand and licking his hand clean, staggering a bit from his eagerness to get to his feet. He went to Tavros' wheelchair and started to mess with it, apparently making sure it was still in workable condition. Tavros paused for a second to look behind himself, watching Gamzee move with a strange sort of heat in his eyes. Jake looked back down at his food. 

After finishing his work, Gamzee got up and went to Tavros, who had just finished, and started to kiss him, actually licking the lowblood's face clean, purring the whole time. He scooped Tavros into his arms, still kissing him deeply, and carried the troll to his wheelchair before setting him gently down. Then he made a move to leave and Tavros reminded him to take some of the drugs and Gamzee gave a resigned nod of his head before disappearing into the living room. A bit later the front door opened and then closed. 

"Where's he going?" Jake took another bite. 

Tavros glanced at him and wheeled over towards Dirk, who'd fallen asleep with his head in the fruit. "He's doing his chores, walking the circumference, clearing out the dead, that stuff." Gently, Tavros shook Dirk awake and helped the blond to his feet. "He does it every day."

"I've got him." Jake stood up and took Dirk's hand, thinking again about Dirk's 'secret'. The dream quality the world had taken on ever since Gamzee seemingly accepted his apology had dissipated and once more Jake's insides were churning with indecision and fear. What did he do? Say it back? Pretend it had never happened? Could he pretend that it had never happened? He doubted it. Every time he looked at Dirk, he heard those quiet words. 

_"I love you a lot."_

Dirk stumbled and Jake wrapped one arm around his chest, trying to keep him standing. Dirk murmured something and before it occurred to Jake that he might not want to know, he'd said, "What's that?"

Dirk raised his head, eyes barely open, and muttered a bit louder, "It makes me happy when you take care of me."

Jake hurried his steps a bit to get Dirk back to the couch. 

Once he was there, Jake tried to step away, but Dirk grabbed his sleeve and once again he begged him to stay. 

_"You never stay."_

Carefully, Jake laid on the edge of the couch. Dirk wriggled backwards, pressing against the back of the couch and tugging Jake closer, trying to give him room. With a soft sigh, Jake allowed himself to be pulled closer and wrapped his arms around Dirk and Dirk made a soft sound of happiness, returning the hug and pressing his face to Jake's chest. The broad-shouldered man was clearly trying to make himself smaller so that Jake, in all his narrow, 5'6" glory, could hold him easier. It didn't work too much. Jake held him anyway. 

\---

Wheeling himself as quietly as he could, Tavros entered the living room after Jake and went to pick up Gamzee's bag, glancing over at the two humans pressed together on the couch. He thought they looked kind of cute together. Just as careful as his entrance had been, Tavros put the bag on his lap and returned to the kitchen, putting the bag on the table and going to grab the small trashcan by the back door that they never used much before hauling himself into one of the dining chairs. 

He unzipped the bag and blinked at the surplus of bottles. He rubbed his eyes, looked again, and still they were there, at least a dozen bottles, maybe more, each one completely filled. Tavros' vision misted over brown and he blinked till the tears ran down his cheeks, one hand coming up to cover his mouth. Gamzee had somehow found enough to last for  _sweeps._

Tavros took the bottles out, lined them up, counted them all. Fifteen. Fifteen bottles of drugs. He laughed softly, wiped the tears from his cheeks and took the first one, carefully dumping the pills out into a jumble and beginning to separate them into individual piles. His hands worked quickly and easily and anyone who saw him would know that it wasn't the first time he'd looked through a den's mash of drugs. For a second, Tavros thought of before everything died, thought about late nights sitting up for a stoned highblood to come stumbling through the door, thought of painful days spent frantically researching the next batch of pills he'd found hidden away in the house, desperately hoping it wasn't something that would kill the only love of his short life, thought of all the hot tears spilt and the knowledge unhappily gained. But only for a second. Then he went back to sifting through the pills, keeping most, trashing the few that would make Gamzee worse, grateful that they kept his matesprit from pain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter Title's 'misspelling' is intentional.


	14. Time and Patience (and Buckets)

Dirk had no idea how long he'd been in a drug-induced haze of sparkling yay, but when he came to it was well past noon. Groaning, he tried to roll off of his side but found that he was held back by a pair of arms. He looked up as much as he could with his face pressed to the person's chest. His first, honest-to-God thought was that Gamzee had laid down with him because when had Jake ever held  _him?_ Jake was always the held and only when he wanted to be, otherwise he didn't much care for being cuddled, a lesson Dirk had had to just accept as being fact. But no, this person was far too short to be Gamzee and his arms weren't big enough and that left only Jake but that didn't make much sense. 

Dirk looked up at Jake's sleeping face and thought to himself, I must still be tripping balls. 

Then Jake stirred and those emerald eyes snapped open and he seemed just as startled as Dirk was to find themselves so close together. Dirk tried to say something, couldn't, just looked at him, basking in the glow of that handsome face. 

"Ah... Dirk?" There was a soft tone to Jake's voice, like he was speaking to a child, and Dirk wondered if Jake thought he was still high. Then he realized his face felt kind of weird and then it occurred to him that he was smiling. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd smiled like this, gentle and happy. 

Maybe I really am still tripping, he thought, wrestling his face back into its normal flat. "Hey Jake."

Jake tensed up, not much but enough that Dirk felt it, then started to back away, shifting awkwardly off the couch and getting to his feet. Dirk wanted to hold onto him, but he didn't. He wanted to ask him to stay, but he didn't. He wanted to know why sometimes Jake looked so tortured when he thought Dirk couldn't see his eyes, but he didn't mention it. 

There was a soft sound of wheels and Tavros appeared, looking at the two humans on his couch with something like surprise. Did he forget they were here? Then his expression shifted back to his normal, soft affection for the world in general. "Hello. Do you feel any better?"

Dirk rolled onto his back and struggled to breathe. "If I say no, can I have more of whatever you gave me?"

Tavros laughed and Dirk couldn't help but notice that it made Jake relax. The troll shook his head, still smiling. "Of course not! Silly human." He wheeled over and patted Dirk on the head with something like affection. 

"I have received pat." Dirk raised both his arms up towards the roof. "Does this mean His Good and Honored Majesty has forgiven the Stabbe?"

Tavros covered his mouth with one hand, clearly fighting back another laugh. "I suppose I may as well," he said through giggles. "I can see why you infuriate Gamzee so much. Though," He gave Dirk another pat, "I think you're kind of sweet in a melodramatic way."

"Bet I can prove you wrong."

"Hmm?"

"Soon ye shall see, M'Lord, that I am not sweet, but salty." Dirk covered his eyes with his arm. "It is mine curse. This saltiness. Just max levels of salt. Out salting the Dead Sea. Dirk the Dead Sea."

Tavros seemed to genuinely enjoy Dirk's ramblings and that made him happy. Jake always seemed to just be tired of them. Speaking of Jake... Dirk looked over to him. He'd been standing quietly to the side the whole time, fidgeting and shifting, barely looking at Tavros. What was up?

"Hey, Jake." Dirk beckoned Jake closer and for some reason those green eyes flooded with panic. It was quickly covered, but Dirk knew what he saw. Despite his apparent fear, Jake leaned down and Dirk murmured, "You alright, Shifty?"

Jake nodded a bit, muttered some nonsense about having to pee, and then wandered off, giving one last look to the back of Tavros' head, longing on his face. Dirk didn't like that too much. "Hey, Bull Horn."

"Yeah, Stabby?"

Okay, that was fair. Dirk laid flat on his back, looking determinedly at the roof before talking. "What's up with you and Jake? What did I miss while I was out in Candyland?"

"Me and...?" Tavros' face scrunched in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Dirk believed him. "Okay." Tavros didn't press the issue, just sat quietly with his hands in his lap. For some reason, Dirk couldn't stand the silence. "So, how'd you lose your legs?" Yeah, good going loser, real tactful, very well put. 

Tavros' mouth opened, then closed, his brown eyes wide with shock. "I... I haven't thought about that in sweeps."

"Uh... Yeah... Shit, I'm sorry, I just say shit sometimes, my mouth goes before my brain runs the appropriate scan." Dirk reached his arms over his head and let them dangle over the worn arm of the couch, hoping the stretch would help him breathe. It did a little.

Tavros waved him off. "It's fine. I actually don't care all that much." He seemed to mean it. "I'll tell you if you want to know. You just caught me off guard is all." Dirk thought about it for a moment, then nodded. It would be interesting to hear about this troll's life. "Okay, it happened before..."

Jake slipped into the room and stepped quietly to the couch, sitting himself on the edge of the arm, every muscle tensed. He looked like a bird expecting to be frightened. 

Tavros glanced at him and Dirk saw momentary dislike, quickly smothered and replaced with optimistic tolerance. Damn. He had to give it to the man, he was remarkably forgiving, even to the human that had treated his most precious treasure like a dog. Jake didn't notice the attitude-war that Tavros had, but that didn't surprise Dirk that much. Jake had never exactly grasped the importance of constant vigilance, never seemed to understand that  _everything_ meant  _something._

He stopped his brooding when Tavros started to talk. "It happened before. I was... Let's see, how much is that in human terms... Thirteen years old?" Jake flinched and put a hand to his chest. "I think thirteen. Anyway, there was this girl. Her name was Vriska and she hated everything about me. I never figured out why. She tried to rape me once, but that's a different story." Jake's face completely drained of color. "Anyway, I was playing by my hive one day, just minding my own business, when she jumped me, dragged me to the street, and shoved me in front of a car." Jake slid onto the couch, shifted closer until he touched Dirk's leg. Tavros laughed suddenly. "I'll give it to the guy, he tried to swerve! He hit me though and I remember flying through the air and suddenly realizing that it felt like my legs were gone. Invisible. That's what I called it then, it felt like my legs were invisible." Tavros scratched the back of his head, getting self-conscious under the stares of both Jake and Dirk. "A-Anyway, the ambulance showed up pretty quick, got me out of there. I remember Vriska was laughing..." Tavros shook his head a bit, casting off the memory of the Spiderbitch. "It was pretty obvious I was never going to be okay no matter what anyone did. After making sure I'd live, the only thing they really wanted to check was if I could pee on my own. Apparently that meant most everything else down there would work too, thank Gog for that." Tavros' cheeks went chocolate brown and Jake's mirrored the flush in pink. "That's about it though."

"Oh, you poor soul!" Jake leaned forward and hugged Tavros fiercely around the neck. Tavros patted Jake gently on the back. Dirk successfully kept the pain that had nothing to with his ribs from showing on his face. Jake pulled away as quickly as he'd pounced, face even redder. 

"I'm fine, really." Tavros knit his fingers together, looked sadly down at his lap. "But... Sometimes, when I see Gamzee running around, I really wish I could join him."

Silence fell upon their little group. Dirk shut his eyes and tried to sleep again, already tired of the pain of consciousness. He wondered what it felt like, to have your body broken beyond repair before it was even done growing. He decided not to dwell on that line of thinking. 

\---

Gamzee laid facedown in the creek for as long as his lungs allowed before rolling over and sitting up with a gasp. Wringing water from his dark hair, he checked himself to make sure he was sufficiently clean, poking gingerly at the almost-healed wound on his chest, chuckling a bit when he thought of how Dirk's face would be when he found out how fast a highblood healed. It was going to leave another scar, though. 

Shaking off as much water as he could, occasionally brushing away more drops as he walked, Gamzee headed home, filthy clothes tucked under one arm. He opened the door, chucked the clothes to their spot on the floor, and kicked the door shut behind him, ignoring Jake's squeak of surprise. 

"Why are you  _always_ naked?" The human wailed, trying and failing to keep his eyes from going to Gamzee's groin. Gamzee didn't mind too much. 

He decided to answer Jake this time. "The clothes are gunna be off when or soon after I walk through that door, no matter what. Easier for the both of us if I'm already naked." Jake flushed and his eyes went to  _Tavros'_ body. Gamzee snarled, a low growl of warning, moving quickly to stand between the two. "Don't you dare look at him."

A warm hand rubbed up his inner thigh and Tavros murmured, "Don't worry about it right now, okay? Please?" 

Growling softly, this time in defeat, Gamzee turned to give Tavros a look of love. "As you wish," he murmured. Then he turned back to Jake and pulled the man to his feet before tapping Dirk lightly on the cheek. "I know you're not sleeping."

"Yes I am." 

Gamzee grumbled and picked Dirk up before putting him in Jake's arms, fully aware of how difficult and uncomfortable it was for the smaller of the pair. "Take him. Get out. Don't come back for a few hours."

Jake's face went a deep red and he turned, making his way to the front door, which Dirk opened. Before it shut again, the blond called out, "Fuck him up, Tavros!"

Gamzee shook his head, grudgingly amazed at his kismesis' humor. He turned around, determinedly forcing Dirk to the back of his mind. It was time for Tavros now, Tavros was all that mattered. That brown-blooded beauty was already shrugging off his shirt, his pants unbuttoned for Gamzee to pull off, and pull them off he did, easing the fabric from those perfect, lifeless legs, pressing his lips to the skin it revealed, barely suppressing a moan. Tavros rarely bothered to wear any of the pairs of boxers they owned and he was bare today as well, his dark brown bulge uncurling after being freed from its cloth prison. 

With a soft whine of eagerness, Gamzee ran his tongue over it, shivering at that so loved taste. Wrapping one arm around Tavros' waist, Gamzee shifted closer, gently licking up the brown fluid that coated the soft flesh. Tavros gave a murmur of appreciation, running his hands through Gamzee's curls and relaxing in his hold. "You don't have to... Ah... Have to do that... You know..." Tavros got the words out slowly, gasps of pleasure interrupting his speech while his arms slowly wrapped around Gamzee's head. 

"I like to," Gamzee was close enough that his lips brushed Tavros' bulge as he talked. "Gog, Tavros, I love how you taste..." Almost before he was done speaking, Gamzee had laid one hand on the bulge and guided the wriggling thing into his mouth, moaning quietly just as Tavros mewled, face almost pressed to Gamzee's curls. 

Gamzee would have been happy to go on like that, Tavros' arms around him, genetic material filling his mouth, his matesprit's bulge shifting, rubbing against his tongue, but after only a few minutes Tavros started to push him back up to his feet, wanting more than his mouth could give. Tavros held his arms up and Gamzee picked him up, arms tight around the lowblood's chest, quietly murmuring everything he wanted to do to him while he carried him to their bed. By the time they got there Tavros was shaking, his sharp teeth pressed against, but not quite breaking, Gamzee's skin. 

Almost falling onto the bed, kissing Tavros' throat, still whispering hot words, Gamzee ran his hands over his lover's body, convinced that Tavros was the peak of the world's existence and that nothing else could ever match him in perfection or beauty. Tavros tried to arch his back and Gamzee slid one hand beneath him to help, gently pulling upwards the place Tavros could no longer control.

With every shaking breath ending in some soft sound of desire, Tavros pawed at Gamzee's body, tugging at his hips and thighs, running his hands across his back, pulling lightly at his hair, every part of him begging for Gamzee to take him. Pressed as close as they were, Gamzee only had to shift the tiniest bit for his bulge to be able to slide into Tavros' nook and he groaned softly, pressing his lips weakly to Tavros' and easing his tongue into his lover's mouth, lazily giving sloppy make-outs while he got his legs under him enough to start moving. 

Tavros' hands went immediately to Gamzee's hips, pushing him up till he was nearly out of him then pulling him back down with as much force as Gamzee was willing to give so soon in this dance of miracles. One of Gamzee's hands slid through Tavros' thick stripe of hair, gripping the midnight locks, while the other arm wrapped around the lowblood's chest, keeping him so close that each could feel the beat of the other's heart. 

Tavros pulled away from their tongue lock first, brushing his lips across Gamzee's jaw before roughly sucking and nipping at his throat, leaving a clear purple mark that broadcast to all that this highblood was taken. Gamzee growled softly through the treatment, still following the orders of those needy hands, giving in to Tavros' apparently endless need and slamming harder against him, a shiver of pleasure rippling up his spine when Tavros cried out his name in that soft, shaking voice.

"Tavros..." Laying his cheek to Tavros' temple, Gamzee panted softly, his eyes flicking shut. He hissed when Tavros bit him, ripping open barely-healed flesh before shifting his hands to Gamzee's shoulders and raking his nails down the highblood's broad back. The hiss of pain turned to a soft growl and Tavros released his fang's grip, gasping apologies, licking away the purple blood that spilled down Gamzee's wounded shoulder with half-suppressed moans. 

"Why do you always bite?" Gamzee groaned, shifting so that his bulge rubbed against Tavros' sweet spot with every thrust of his hips. 

Instead of answering, Tavros kissed him, forcing his tongue into the highblood's mouth. Gamzee could taste his own blood on that tongue as it rubbed against his own. Shutting his eyes again, getting lost in that soft kiss and those rough hands, Gamzee growled affectionately, the sound a deep rumble in his chest. Tavros matched the sound, pulling away just enough to murmur, "Harder," before kissing him deeper, hands wandering down to Gamzee's hips once more. 

With a soft whine, Gamzee obeyed, spreading his legs a bit more to keep himself balanced. Tavros' kissing got rougher, his sharp teeth grazing Gamzee's steadily bruising lips and the highblood whimpered. Murmuring more quiet apologies, Tavros slid one hand into Gamzee's hair, pressing a gentle kiss to Gamzee's lips before lovingly kissing the teeth marks on his shoulder. Gamzee's breath hitched and he lowered his head to hide in the curve of Tavros' neck, causing the lowblood to purr weakly, the sound ending in a moan as he ran his hands up Gamzee's sides. 

"G-Gamzee... Mmm, that's goooood..." Tavros' shaky voice sent a spike of pleasure through Gamzee's entire body and he gave a soft gasp, clumsily running one hand through Tavros' black hair, weakly kissing his matesprit's throat, feeling the pulse flutter against his lips. 

Slowly, then all at once that frantic pleasure turned to something sweeter, the heat softening into warmth, and Gamzee wrapped his arms around Tavros and lifted him from the bed, stepping to the floor and standing over the bucket that still lay where he'd left it. Gamzee felt Tavros rub his cheek on his hair and he gave a soft sigh when Tavros wrapped his arms around Gamzee's neck to keep himself up as Gamzee put his hands to Tavros' hips, gently pulling and pushing the lowblood against him until they both finished, first brown, then purple, and the bucket got a little closer to full. 

Legs shaking, Gamzee stumbled back to the bed and laid Tavros down before crawling up to lay at his side. Tavros gently took hold of his hand and Gamzee smiled broadly, fangs poking free of his upper lip. "Ya know," he murmured, bringing up their hands to kiss Tavros' knuckles. "This reminds me of a song."

"Sing it for me?"

"Mmhmm..." Taking a minute to remember the beat, Gamzee sang, "Here we lie, side by side, now your heart pounds next to mine. Our two so~uls are surely whole, now that I have re~alized, it's the way your body sways, it's your voice that calls my name, it's your lips, the way they taste, and how you look at me, and sho~w me, beautiful..." His voice trailed off and after a moment he said, "I just can't remember the rest."

Tavros ran his thumb over Gamzee's hand, tightening his grip for a moment. "Thanks..."

"Mmhmm." Gamzee rolled over, still gripping Tavros' hand, and cuddled up to his matesprit's side. With his free hand, he started to gently touch each part of Tavros' body and quietly detail how beautiful and amazing and perfect he really was, how much he loved him, loved touching him, kissing him, making him moan or laugh, how much he adored his soft curves and sweet voice, how good he tasted, how flawless every inch of him was. 

A few times, Tavros tried to protest. "I'm not perfect Gamzee," he'd murmur. "I'm broken."

"No, no no, baby, never," Gamzee would kiss him then, on his lips, his throat, his chest, his stomach, his legs, kiss him all over, lavishing praise on that perfect body, that perfect soul. And when his soft voice and softer touches made Tavros' bulge slide into view, Gamzee kissed it too, murmuring again how good he tasted, how big and warm he was, how wonderful he felt.

Tavros' protests had died away and he accepted Gamzee's words with a blush of self-consciousness and the occasional muttered word of thanks or a soft gasp of pleasure. 

Gamzee stayed curled between Tavros' legs, petting, licking, kissing, and sucking at Tavros' bulge with something close to reverence, moaning softly at the pleasure of being allowed to touch the body of one he considered sacred. 

Tavros' hands were running gently through his hair, occasionally wandering lower to cradle his cheek and pet him gently, or to curl against his neck for a moment before returning to his unkempt curls. 

After a wonderful time that Gamzee knew not the duration of Tavros quietly murmured his name and Gamzee knew he was almost done. Taking a breath, Gamzee took Tavros' entire bulge in his mouth, going down till his lips touched grey skin, running one hand up and down the lowblood's thigh. Tavros came with a shuddering sigh, brown fluid poured straight down Gamzee's throat. Pulling slowly away, Gamzee carefully licked away any genetic material he missed, cleaning Tavros with his own tongue before crawling back up and once again pressing himself to Tavros' side. 

Tavros wrapped his shaking arms around Gamzee and started to pet him causing Gamzee to purr with pure happiness, looking up at Tavros with love in his eyes. "Tavros," that love was reflected in his voice, too. "Tavros, my Tavros."

"Always," Tavros whispered. "Always yours, now and forever."

\---

Dirk laid on his stomach, the sun sapping his strength away till he could barely summon the energy to scratch his back when it started to itch. "Jake, dude... I literally cannot move."

"Mm." Jake was poking at the ground with a stick, doodling something in the dirt from the safety of the shade. 

"Jake, I'm dying. The sun is taking my strength and soon muh hart shall cease to beat its radical beat."

"Mm."

Bored, wanting attention and not getting it, Dirk started to just come up with bullshit. "Yep, Imma die a slow, energy-sapping death. And then I'll come back, but I'll be like, the only sentient zombie because OwO I'm Main Character-Chan so I  _have_ to be like, special or some shit, and I'll be able to straight up commune with them dead bois and build an undead army to take over the world. And I'll probably have some cool power, like, super healing, or acid spit."

"Mm."

This, Dirk thought, is going to be a long and boring journey back to health. 


	15. Can We Come Into The House Yet?

Tavros absentmindedly licked the purple from his hand, wrapping his other arm around Gamzee as the highblood shivered against him. "Ta~vros..."

"Gamzee." Tavros looked down at his matesprit, quietly amazed that he had managed to make someone on the opposite end of the hierarchy fall for him. Top ten unsolved mysteries, eh? Gamzee grinned up at him crookedly and Tavros pet his gentle giant, wondering if Gamzee would make love to him again. He probably would. Gamzee never seemed to say no. 

"Hey, Gamzee?"

"Yes?"

"Could you...?" Tavros tugged gently at his lover's arm, feeling his cheeks heat up. "Could you please, one more time?"

Gamzee purred and slid on top of Tavros, kissing the lowblood deeply before murmuring against his lips, "Whatever you want."

Tavros smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms loosely around Gamzee's waist and letting Gamzee touch him. A long time ago, when Tavros had first started to let Gamzee make love to him, he'd been worried that he'd get tired of it, that it would stop being something wonderful and start being just another thing. Gog, he'd been wrong. Every time Gamzee ran his warm hands over Tavros' body or kissed his bare skin was just as good as that first day, and every time Gamzee took him it was somehow better than the time before. No wonder he ended up getting borderline addicted...

"Gamzee?" Tavros gasped weakly, one hand running up and down Gamzee's thigh as the highblood kissed his throat. 

"Hmm?"

"Can you get addicted to sex?"

Gamzee chuckled and Tavros shivered as his bulge slid free of its sheath for the fifth time since they began. "I'd think so." Gamzee's bulge wrapped around his own and Tavros sighed in relief as some of that heat gave way to pleasure. 

Pressing his face to the crook of Gamzee's neck, Tavros mewled, "Then I think I am addicted to you, Gamzee Makara."

Gamzee purred deeper than before, the sound a bass rumble that Tavros could feel in his own chest. Taking Tavros' hands in his own, Gamzee pinned the lowblood down, slowly easing himself up Tavros' nook and mostly ignoring Tavros' babbled pleas to be rougher. "Damn, brother," Gamzee grumbled. "I ain't even started yet, why are you already begging?"

Tavros responded by whimpering another request and arching his back as best he could. "Gamzeeeeee, pleeeease..." Gamzee grumbled something else under his breath and shifted his legs a bit, getting some force behind his movements, his purple eyes lighting up when Tavros moaned. Half formed sentences and random words floated through Tavros' head, but the only thought that seemed to be able to gain any traction was that he wanted more.

Gripping Gamzee's hands, wriggling as much as his body would allow, Tavros again begged Gamzee to just  _go_ already. The big troll did his best, but Tavros could tell he was tired. Grumbling quietly, Tavros tipped his head back and waited for Gamzee to be able to go faster.

"Gamzee, please," Tavros was panting quietly. "We can do it how you want next time, but please..."

Gamzee growled softly and his grip weakened on Tavros', and the lowblood pulled his hands free, grabbing Gamzee by the hips and pulling at him, purring in victory when Gamzee put a hand to the headboard and slammed against him roughly, panting and whining. Tavros wrapped his arms tight around Gamzee's chest, clinging to the highblood in an effort to keep himself in place, each slam of their hips threatening to push his horns into the headboard. 

Gamzee's other hand pawed weakly at Tavros' body, running slowly over his curves and rubbing his grub scars, and Tavros kissed Gamzee's neck in response, quietly murmuring for him not to slow down, to keep going, Gog, please don't stop. Gamzee's whole body was shaking and Tavros felt a brief moment of guilt for pushing the sleepy man like this, bringing up a hand to tug gently at Gamzee's wild curls. Gamzee whined softly, shifting to get a better angle and wrapping one arm around Tavros to hold him as close as possible, obeying Tavros gasped order to speed up with a growl of mixed pleasure and exhaustion, though his strength seemed to return a bit with every harsh thrust of his hips.

Tavros' every breath ended in some sound of need, quiet whimpers muffled in the curve of Gamzee's neck, soft moans, loud cries, and louder screams, clawing at the highblood's back and calling his name. Panting and growling, Gamzee managed to get rougher, shifting his arm lower and pulling Tavros' lower half off the bed, desperately trying to get some better angle that would fill both their needs. Tavros screamed Ganzee's name again, putting his hands to the headboard to keep himself from being pushed against it. 

Tavros looked up at Gamzee through half-lidded eyes, his lower stomach starting to ache dully from the repeated impacts of Gamzee's bulge. No doubt he'd be bruised later. "G-Gamzee?"

Gamzee looked up at him, violet eyes an odd swirl of tiredness and heat. He growled softly and leaned down to kiss Tavros on the lips, the touch just as rough as everything else he'd done to Tavros' body. Gamzee had almost stopped shaking completely and he bit gently at Tavros' mouth until the lowblood obediently parted his lips, letting the highblood fill his mouth with his tongue, taking him utterly and completely. 

Tavros shut his eyes, murmuring soft words of encouragement every time Gamzee pulled away for breath, his arms growing weak as that tight coil of heat threatened to go straight over the edge. He started to try and say Gamzee's name, but his voice was shaking and Gamzee was still on him, kissing him deeply, and he was so close, so, so close. With a sharp whine, Tavros came in a flood of brown just as his horns were driven into the headboard. 

Gamzee started to slow down, rubbing softly against the shaking, mewling lowblood, growling softly in the back of his throat. Tavros was about to ask him to not slow down so much when Gamzee hissed, hot genetic material filling his nook and splashing between his legs. Gamzee collapsed on him, trembling, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Tavros reached a hand up and weakly ran it over Gamzee's curls and down his clawed back, turning his head to kiss Gamzee's temple. The highblood muttered something tiredly, too quiet to hear.

"Hmm?" Tavros kissed him again.

"I said," Gamzee shifted off of Tavros, cuddling up to him instead. "I'm tired. I'm taking a nap."

\---

Dirk finished his impressive yodeling performance and looked at Jake expectantly. Nothing.  Not even a 'Mm' this time. What the heckles was that boy drawing? "Jake, what are you drawing that's so important."

"Mm." Ah. There it was. 

"Is it... Porn?" 

"Mm."

"Porn ooooof... Me?"

"Mm."

"Good, that's the only porn worth having anyway."

With a grunt, Dirk managed to get up, his muscles still weak. He started to scoot in Jake's direction and the man straight up panicked, frantically scratching out his picture with single-minded intensity. "Damn, there goes my porn."

"Wh-What?" Jake blinked at him, eyes shining with guilt. 

"Woah. Dude." Dirk came closer, looked down at the earth that had been hastily spread flat. "What's up with you?"

"I haven't the foggiest what you mean, Dirk." Jake threw his stick over his shoulder, cheeks tinged pink. Dirk decided to drop the issue. It was easier than pressing. 

Sitting down with a groan, Dirk leaned against Jake, relieved that he didn't shy away. It was hard sometimes, knowing that your own boyfriend didn't like it when you touched him. But Dirk was used to it. Mostly. 

Uncertainly, Jake slid one arm around Dirk and he relaxed, the tension of expected rejection melting away, though his face was kept at his usual neutral. Dirk tilted his head to rest on Jake's shoulder, letting his eyes slide shut again. A hand rested on his forehead for a moment, gauging his temperature, then moved to the bandages wound tight around his chest, checking for anything out of place. Dirk let the tiniest ghost of a smile grace his lips. It was nice to be cared for. 

"Hey old chap, do you reckon we're allowed inside now?" Jake patted his head, an awkward movement. "It's been quite a few."

"Dunno. I, for one, plan on staying till Gamzee comes looking. Better than walking in and seeing them getting it on on the floor, or something."

Jake patted him again. "How do they even... D-Do that?"

Dirk yawned. "Gamzee said they've got both sex bits. No anal necessary for gay trolls, no siree, they can just have normal sex because apparently their junk isn't determined by gender."

"S-So, the ladies...?" Jake sounded horrified by the image. 

"Yeah, they got a hentai too."

"Oh... My God."

Jake gently pushed Dirk off of him and the blonde sat up by himself, disappointed. Silence passed thickly between them and Dirk floundered for something to say. "It, uh... It feels like we've been here for more than just a day."

"Does it?"

"Mmhmm. To me at least." Dirk went to run a hand through his hair, winced as the raised arm hurt his chest and gave up, letting it fall back at his side. "It's nice here anyway. Feels safer."

Jake hummed softly. "It's like everything is back to normal." 

Dirk glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of Jake's hand. He reached over and grabbed it. He felt the tension as Jake started to pull away, that tiny twitch ripping as his heart. He started to ask why Jake hated him so very much. He never got the words out. 

Letting Jake go, Dirk curled up on the ground, his back to his supposed boyfriend. "I'm going to try and sleep," he murmured. 

"Oh. Alrighty then... Dirk, I-... Never mind."

Dirk didn't ask him what it was he wanted to say. He just did his best to sleep. Not much later, he heard Jake lay down beside him, though the man never touched him. Dirk wished Jake would touch him. Was a hug or a held hand really too much to ask for? Making himself mad, Dirk fell into a bothered slumber, his ribs aching with every breath. 

~~~

Jake's face flushed bright red, his cheeks hot, but he still reached forward and laid his hands on Tavros' bare grey skin. The troll shifted, one brown eye flickering open to regard him, a small smile on those perfect lips. 

"Hey there~" Jake's blush got worse at Tavros' soft words. Almost numb and yet buzzing with expectation, Jake shifted closer when Tavros reached out to pull lightly at his shirt, crawling on top of the troll and straddling him, wriggling a bit at the feel of something shifting in Tavros' pants. Tavros' smile widened a bit as he laid his hands on Jake's thighs, making their hips rub together. He pushed Jake's hand to the waist of his pants. "Do you want to see?"

Jake nodded, easing up on his knees for a second to unzip Tavros' pants and tug then down, eyes locked on that squirming thing between his legs, wondering what it would feel like when he touched it. 

Hot with shame, Jake woke up beneath the trees with Dirk at his back. He sat up, sweating and uncomfortable, the most embarrassing boner of his life making it necessary to sit with his legs spread.  _What the hell was that?_

Glancing at Dirk, making sure the blond was still sleeping, Jake got up and waddled a bit away before quietly reciting what he knew of the Declaration of Independence, hoping it would get rid of his 'problem'. Eventually it did. Face still overheated, Jake returned to his place and sat down, confusion swirling in his chest. He thought about the dream again and at first tried to tell himself that it was ridiculous. He would never want that. And yet, the memory of that dream held an undeniable allure, a haze of promised pleasure and fulfillment that surely couldn't have been spawned by his subconscious unprompted. 

Maybe, he thought, rubbing the back of his neck, I'm just a little sexually frustrated. 

That had to be it. He'd been under a lot of stress recently and with nothing to get rid of it, his mind turned to fantasy sex. Okay. Yeah. Good explanation. Now, why it decided Tavros was a viable partner was another question entirely... One he would not bother contemplating. 

He looked around, forcing himself to focus on something else. The dream had felt relatively short, but he must have slept longer than he realized because the shadows were much longer, eking towards dusk. He looked towards the house him and Dirk had been unceremoniously shucked from. Was it safe to enter? He was tired of being outside and the nap he had not even expected to be able to take had done nothing but make him weary. Grumbling to himself, giving Dirk one last guilty glance, Jake got back up and started to creep toward the house. 

When he arrived, he slowly turned the handle on the front door and eased it open, thankful that it didn't squeal a protest. Stepping on his tiptoes, shutting the door behind himself with infinite care, Jake made his way through the house, peeking in the kitchen before moving on to the nearly-shut door that he'd never gone through. Didn't this lead to their bedroom? He hesitated. There wasn't any noise coming from the narrow opening, so there couldn't be anything... Spicy... Going on, right?

Telling himself he was only doing it so he'd know, Jake shifted closer and peered through the gap. 

Gamzee was rubbing sleep from his eyes, smiling tiredly at Tavros and leaning against him. Tavros' face was lit with love, pure and deep, one arm around Gamzee, leaning down to kiss the highblood on the lips. Gamzee responded eagerly, bringing up on hand to curl against the nape of Tavros' neck, using his other hand to prop himself up, kiss Tavros deeper. Jake saw their lips part and their tongues meet halfway. Jake couldn't help but notice that both wore nothing.

There was a wet sound and Jake's eyes locked onto the dark brown thing that had emerged between Tavros' legs, wriggling and curling in on itself until Gamzee reached down and let it wrap around his hand. Jake's breath hitched despite himself, coils of heat tightening around his groin and lower stomach. His legs were locked. He couldn't make himself move. 

Gamzee easily raised himself on top of Tavros, his own purple tentacle-thing making its appearance and twining itself around Tavros', purring as he began to kiss Tavros' neck. Tavros hands ran up and down Gamzee's sides, gently stroking those strange purple-tinged ridges under his ribs and tracing pale scars, murmuring too softly for Jake to hear. 

Gamzee shifted, pushed close to Tavros, and the lowblood gasped, his hands going to Gamzee's hips and holding him as he slowly began to make love to him. 

Jake felt his cheeks burning red, but he was frozen, unable, or perhaps unwilling, to walk away from the soft sounds of Tavros' pleasure and the look of ecstasy on that pretty face. 

Jake didn't know what he'd unconsciously been suspecting, but Gamzee's gentle, careful lovemaking surprised him. Tavros weakly pulled at his legs, apparently wanting more, but he quickly gave up at a murmured word from Gamzee, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck and shutting his eyes, sighing softly. 

The house creaked as it settled and Jake jumped, the momentary adrenaline spike breaking his trance. He crept quietly back to the front door, left the house, and ran back to Dirk as fast as his legs would carry him, almost crying in confusion and self-disgust. He skidded to a halt, his hands held close to his chest, and sniffed, looking down at Dirk, still sleeping. 

"Find what you wanted?" Maybe not sleeping after all. Moving nothing but his mouth, Dirk seemed to be sleeping peacefully in everything save for the fact that he had spoken. 

Jake shuffled. "W-We still can't come inside, if that's what you mean."

A moment of silence, then, "That wasn't what I asked. But alright." 

Jake's pained confusion deepened at Dirk's words and he looked at the blond's back as he rolled onto his side, suddenly wondering what Dirk had read on his face and body language recently. Dirk had always been so observant, what if he knew that- No! Jake determinedly refused to finish the thought, childishly believing that it wouldn't be true until he actually thought the words. 

Tavros was a near stranger that would be nothing more to Jake than a friend. That was it. Totally. And yet, those soft moans kept repeating in his head and, before he could stifle the images, he suddenly thought how much he wanted Tavros to make those sounds for  _him._ Jake's cheeks burned red, the blush reaching his ear-tips. He looked towards the house. He looked at Dirk. He did not know what to do. 

He stood that way, debating hotly with himself, until the shadows deepened into a blue/purple haze and Gamzee wandered down to find them, ruffling Jake's hair and reaching down to pull at Dirk's bangs until the blond got up, grumbling and spitting insults that Jake was too preoccupied to really hear. He glanced at Gamzee, an image of the large troll on top of Tavros immediately flashing through his mind. He flinched and looked away, stomach clenching with stress and anxiety. 

Still arguing with Dirk, Gamzee led the way back to the house, the insults getting worse and worse as they progressed, though when Jake looked up he noticed that both human and troll were grinning. And that was another thing, that kismesissitude that Dirk had taken to like a duck to water. It was all so confusing, his relationship with Dirk, Dirk's odd affection for Gamzee, his feelings towards Tavros, all combined to make Jake feel a little sick and jittery. 

Maybe more than a little sick. He threw up before they reached the front door. Gamzee laughed, said something about how it was only a matter of time before it happened, seeing as how Jake had been forced to be near Dirk for such a prolonged period. Dirk sassed back that it was clearly Gamzee's fugly mug that triggered the sickness. Wiping Jake's mouth clean, patting him on the back, Dirk said, "You alright bud?"

Jake nodded, Dirk trying to care for him just making him feel all the worse. 

"You need me to carry you?"

Jake shook his head, stepping back from Dirk and trying to forget the flicker of pain in Dirk's nearly-blank eyes. 

"Okay." 

Dirk kept walking, speeding up a bit until he was at Gamzee's side. Jake stared at the ground, miserable and wishing he'd never left his island. How much easier would life have been if he hadn't been visiting his friends right when everything hit the fan? How much quieter if he'd kept to his lonely life?

Some people say life isn't worth living without the company of others and Jake supposed that was true for those who thought the pain that came hand-in-hand with it was worth it all. He wasn't sure quiet yet if it was. 

He looked up at Dirk, tracing with his eyes the blond's self-cut hair and broad shoulders, his stomach wrenching again. 

No, he wasn't sure if it was worth it at all. 

When they entered the house, Tavros was dressed and in his wheelchair, smiling his soft smile. Strangely, Jake's mind managed to go back to what he'd seen while blocking Gamzee out entirely, thinking only of Tavros' mewls of pleasure and the look on his face. He shook his head and staggered to the couch, laying down and pressing himself against the back, shoving his head between the cushions in an effort to block everything out. 

There were some murmured words between the three others, all too quiet for Jake to make out, then footsteps came closer and a hand lightly touched his shoulder. "Hey, Jakey." Dirk. "You want me to stay with you?" Jake shook his head before he thought about whether that would hurt Dirk even more. The hand retreated and Dirk said, "Okay then."

Jake couldn't bring himself to back up and look to see where Dirk went, couldn't make himself see the evidence of pain Dirk tried so hard to smother but that came through anyway. He was too afraid of consequence to do that. 

There was a sudden, harsh jab to his spine and Jake jerked, letting out a quiet yelp. A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and forced him onto his back, Gamzee leaning down to sniff at his face. 

"You don't smell sick," he grumbled after a moment. "Probably nothing too wrong with you. Go to sleep. It'll feel better in the morning." Gamzee patted him on the head, a mockery of what Jake used to do to him, and then went to Tavros. Jake hurriedly turned around before he could see Gamzee loving on his matesprit, biting his lip to keep himself quiet until the soft sound of their murmured voices and Tavros' wheelchair faded and their bedroom door clicked shut. 

Slowly, as he refused to think of any of his relationship problems that were slowly mounting up around him, Jake's stomach settled and he did his best to sleep, keeping away unwanted thoughts by repeating in his head the repetitive opening song to a cartoon he'd liked when he was little. 

He didn't dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the passing of 40,000 words, this fic has officially reached novel status.


	16. A Little Bit Later...

-Approximately Three Weeks Later-

Dirk was in pain. Not physically, most of what Gamzee had done to him was healed. It was his soul that was being slowly torn to shreds as he watched Jake fall in love with another man. He didn't know what it was that he had done wrong, but Jake didn't want him any more, if he'd ever wanted him at all, and seeing how quick Jake smiled or laughed around Tavros, how willing that green-eyed miracle was to hug or touch the crippled troll, it just ate Dirk up inside, because even when they'd just started their relationship, even when normal human life didn't consist of worrying about the undead, Jake had never touched him with so little hesitation.

Dirk wanted to ask him why. He wanted to beg for a way to fix the bridges Jake so frantically beat down, wanted to shake that man and scream in his face until Jake told him what he'd done to deserve this. 

Instead, he waved goodbye like everything was okay and left with Gamzee to clear the woods. 

Gamzee was the one thing Dirk was grateful for. In the recent days he'd been a source of relief when everything else was insane, a constant in the whirlwind his emotions had become. And the more time they spent together the easier it became to read him. Dirk could tell by the set of Gamzee's shoulders that he wasn't thinking about Dirk right then, which meant it was a perfect time to slide in a comment about how good Tavros must be at faking orgasms by now. 

Snarling, Gamzee swatted him over the head and called him an insufferable virgin with his head in his dick. 

Dirk grumbled a response, too drained by Jake to continue with their usual back and forth. Gamzee nudged him gently and Dirk glanced at him. A week or so ago he would have been surprised at the concern in the highblood's eyes, but if he'd learned anything about black relationships it was that, at the core, you truly had to care. 

"You alright?"

Dirk shrugged. 

Gamzee snorted in disbelief. "Don't give me that now. You gotta talk to me. 'S how this works."

"I don't talk about my feelings."

"You suicidal?"

"What? No." Dirk gave him a weird look, thrown a bit off guard by the sudden question. 

Gamzee rolled his eyes. "Well, you're gunna be if you don't learn how to talk. Hold up." Gamzee picked up a stick and split a dead human's skull almost in half, throwing the body over his shoulder and turning towards the pit. Dirk didn't bother to follow. He started to check the traps in the immediate area, waiting until Gamze returned with his hands free. "I mean it, you know. Lock stuff up, the pressure gets to be too much. You'll crack, one way or the other."

"Oh yeah?" Dirk threw a pebble at Gamzee and it bounced harmlessly off his chest. "How'd you crack?"

"I almost killed three people with my bare hands." Dirk froze, waiting for the look that meant it was a joke. Nothing. Gamzee's eyes were steady, his jaw set. 

"You mean that." It wasn't a question. 

"All of them were my friends. They loved me." Gamzee dusted his hands on his pants and turned to continue his trek. Dirk scrambled to follow. 

"What... What happened?" 

Gamzee growled low in his throat, though Dirk had recently started to hear a difference in the troll's low rumbles. He didn't think Gamzee was mad. The highblood was silent for so long Dirk almost repeated his question, but then he spoke. "I took a lot of something I shouldn't have. It... Mellowed me out, or seemed like it did. But everything I was, everything I am, it was all buried beneath that haze. Not removed, but restrained, and it kept building and building and with no way to get it out, the pressure kept getting worse. Something had to give and that something was my mind. I remember... I remember being so mad. So absolutely  _enraged_ that one of my close friends didn't react quick enough when I told him to lick my boots. I shot him, hit him, almost broke his neck, and then I went after his moirail, and then I went after my best friend. I... I tried to... Tried to make him..." Gamzee made an awkward hand movement, shame so thick in his voice Dirk wondered how he didn't choke on it. Quieter, the troll muttered, "There's a reason I was so mad when you accused me of raping folks."

After a moment, Dirk said, "Your best friend?"

Gamzee nodded. 

"What did he...?"

"I don't know. I don't really... It's all so blurred together... I think I almost succeeded though. I asked him later, when he visited me in the prison, if I'd... If I'd gotten him and he said no, but... Sometimes I wonder if he just said that for me."

Dirk looked Gamzee up and down. "How big was he?"

Gamzee held a hand up, just below his ribs. 

"My God." Dirk rubbed the back of his neck, unsure how to respond to something like that. 

"Don't seem like he'd be able to fight me off, does it?" Gamzee murmured, barely loud enough to hear. "God, I hope I didn't... I really, really do..."

They continued on in silence for quite a distance until Dirk couldn't stand the thickness of their wordlessness. "Is there anything else?"

Gamzee was silent, thinking. "I don't think so." The big troll groaned tiredly and rubbed his face with both hands. "Alright. Your turn. Any great secret you wanna tell me?"

_Dave._

Dirk flinched as the name flashed through his mind like a lightning bolt, charring his careful shield and sending bits falling free to reveal his heart. He put it all back in place as quick as he could, glad that Gamzee was ahead of him with his back turned. "No, not particularly."

"Liar."

Dirk tried to be insulted. Then, it wasn't like it was a false accusation. "Okay." What could it hurt, really? One real sentence. One true thing. Even as his mind tried to think of some clever thing his mouth blurted, "Jake is in love with Tavros."

Dirk clamped his traitor mouth shut, watching Gamzee tense, awaiting the fury storm that was sure to come. Then, "I know."

"You know?" Dirk almost stumbled. "Then why haven't you said anything? Why let Jake stay up there with him?"

"Jake is a weak-willed fool with the muscle mass of a flea. I'm not worried about him forcing himself on Tavvy, and I trust my matesprit enough to know that he'll refuse any advances." Gamzee shrugged. "And besides, it's not like it's any of my business."

Dirk shook his head. And here he thought he'd finally figured this troll out. 

"Now," Gamzee looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. "You've stalled long enough. Tell me what you want to tell me instead of dancing around it."

Dirk started to deny it, but couldn't. Started to say okay, but couldn't. He couldn't say anything. Part of him wanted to take Gamzee up on his offer, to tell him everything that ever gone wrong in his life, tell him about his dead father, his missing mother, tell him about Dave and Jake and the sisters he knew he had but had never met. But a lifetime of silence is not easily broken. He felt the words rise in his throat, crowd against a barrier of his own making, and he was choking on them but he couldn't get them out, couldn't force them down.

"Just start." Gamzee slowed to a stop but didn't turn to look at him. "It'll be easier once you start."

And after thirty years of careful blankness, Dirk cracked. 

He screamed, a shrill screech, and staggered forward, wrapping his arms around Gamzee from behind and just kept yelling, forcing the tears to come when that familiar urge to hide them arose. He made himself cry, forced his throat to scream, hugged his kismesis tight, and felt some of what he'd been carrying fall away. 

Gamzee patted his hand. "There you go," he muttered. "There you go, I know it helps, I know..."

When his throat started to hurt and his eyes refused to shed another tear, Dirk released his grip and stepped back. "Oh my God..." He took a deep breath. "Ya know, I actually do feel better."

"Yelling helps. Hitting things does too. So does sex." Gamzee put a hand on Dirk's head and Dirk let him. "You just gotta start getting more of that."

"Offering, are you?" 

Gamzee grinned. "Anytime you want, little human."

Dirk reached up, hooked a finger in the belt loop of Gamzee's pants. "Well, I'm feeling particularly vulnerable right now and, as you mentioned earlier, I am still a virgin. If I die sometime in the immediate future, I'd rather not still be a virgin."

Gamzee's grin immediately vanished and he blinked. "Wait. Really?"

"Mmhmm." Dirk pulled off his shirt, tossed it to the ground. "Look man, I've been stressed out for about two weeks or more now, my strings are about as tight as they're going to get before something starts snapping which, as you detailed earlier, is not a good thing. So," he unbuckled his pants, tossed it with his shirt, "here's what's going to happen. We're going to take our clothes off and you're going to touch me and then we're going to finish our job and go home. Kay?"

"Umm." Gamzee took a half step back. "Are you sure? I don't want you to regret something later."

"I'm sure." Dirk took a breath, pushed down his pants. "Now show me how kismesises make love to each other, my spade partner. Just... Help me feel better for a bit okay?" Gamzee started to say something but Dirk held up a hand to stop him. "Not right now. Whatever you want to say about how this isn't going to fix the problem, just... Don't. Maybe I'll be able to make myself tell you later. Maybe you can help me then, but for right now this is what I need."

Gamzee nodded, pulled his shirt over his head. Dirk pulled at the troll's pants, getting them down and, after Gamzee stepped free of his shoes, taking them off. Two pairs of boxers hit the ground and they looked at each other. Dirk shuffled nervously, resisting the urge to cover himself. 

Gamzee tilted his head. "Why are humans so furry?" He walked closer and tapped a finger just below Dirk's navel, dragging down through the line of hair that went to his groin. 

"We're just a fluffy species, okay?" Dirk grumbled. 

"Alright." Gamzee moved closer, forcing Dirk back until he hit a tree and for the first time Gamzee kissed him on the lips. He was rough, almost painfully so, and Dirk was surprised to find himself responding with equal force, his automatic need to one-up Gamzee suddenly sparking a desire to beat him in this, too. It was almost a fight, this black kissing, and both refused to concede. 

Dirk shivered when something huge and wet curled halfway around his leg, vividly remembering that brief glimpse on the floor of a beat up Dollar General. "How the hell are we gunna do this if you got room intended for something of that size?" he grumbled, painfully aware of their size difference. 

Gamzee shrugged. "I was just gunna break your ass in."

"Oh, hell nah." Dirk pushed back, refusing to be the one pinned to a tree. "I changed my mind about all that, I'm on top."

"No." Gamzee narrowed his eyes, a challenge clear on his face. 

Dirk accepted the challenge. They hit the forest floor in a tangle of limbs, each fighting to pin and mount the other. 

\---

Tavros sat up straight, suddenly sensing... Something. 

"Everything all right?"

Jake spoke quietly, his green eyes narrowed in short-sightedness. Not long after his sudden upchuck a few weeks ago, Jake had revealed that he'd been wearing contacts up to that point and that those contacts had officially passed their usefulness date. He was always squinting now, desperately trying to see clearer. He'd also gotten some kind of infection from sleeping in the damn things like an idiot, but that hadn't been too serious and he'd healed with minimum help from the drug store Gamzee needed for himself.

Tavros looked up from his book and nodded, an exaggerated movement. "Yes. I just... Felt something."

"Ah." Jake shifted closer and, not for the first time, Tavros got the feeling that it wasn't just so he could see him better. The human put a hand on Tavros' leg. Tavros moved it away. 

He wished Gamzee would come home. 

Pulling his legs closer to himself, Tavros forced himself to read the words on the pages, managing to forget Jake's presence for a heartbeat until there was a soft pressure on his horn, felt distantly in the way you know that someone is touching your hair. Swallowing back a whimper, Tavros glanced at Jake as the human pet his horn, close enough now that he didn't need to squint to see the bands of orange bone. 

"Tavvy?" 

Tavros felt his lip twitch, wanting to bare his fangs. He made himself say, "Yes?"

"Can trolls feel when someone touches their horns?" 

Pet. Pet. Pet.

"Uh... Um... Y-Yeah, I guess."

Pet. Pet. Pet.

Tavros gripped his book tightly. "I-It's kinda like when someone brushes your hair. J-Just felt where it meets the head. It's j-just a bone protrusion, same as anything else's horns..."

"Ah." Jake put his hands back in his lap and when back to just looking 

Tavros tried to focus on his book, but it was hard to read with Jake staring at him with those green eyes, apparently content to do nothing all day but watch. It never bothered Tavros when Gamzee watched him, but for some reason it felt... Wrong, when Jake did it, like it was somehow dirty coming from him. Very uncomfortable, Tavros laid his book pages-down on the arm of the couch and hurriedly clawed his way into his wheelchair before Jake could offer to help. 

He started to wheel around the house, occasionally straightening something or moving an item from one place to another so it wasn't obvious that he was trying to lose the human, but as he had for the past few weeks, Jake followed behind like a half-blind puppy. Tavros had about reached his limit. 

He didn't want to hurt Jake, he was a sweet boy, all in all, but he was sick of tired of that creep watching his every move. Tavros just wanted to be able to feel safe in his own home and he didn't feel that way around Jake anymore. He kept expecting Jake to try and touch him Down There or to go for a kiss, but so far he hadn't and Tavros was very thankful for that. But it was only a matter of time, surely. Enough was enough. 

Tavros rolled to a stop in the kitchen, steepling his fingers under his nose and shutting his eyes, trying to decide if he should put the human down gently or if he should be blunt. There was a faintly felt pressure on his thigh and Tavros swatted Jake away without looking. Bluntly it is then.

"Jake, sit down."

Tavros heard the man scramble to obey, pulling out one of the dining chairs and sitting down. After taking a minute to rehearse his thoughts, Tavros opened his eyes and started, "Jake, I want you to stop."

Jake narrowed his eyes, rubbed them, and squinted again. "... Stop what?"

Tavros growled softly. "Stop all of it! Stop following me around, stop staring at me for  _hours,_ stop touching me and looking at me like you want to fuck me. I do not like you, I am not attracted to you, so just stop!" Breathing hard with the surge of emotion that came from finally saying it, Tavros did his best to calm back down, gripping the arms of his wheelchair. "Please, just... Just stop, okay? Just stop."

Jake was holding his hands close to his chest, green eyes wide, tears starting to pool. "Oh." His gaze was a bit unfocused, most likely due to his bad sight, and Tavros shifted uncomfortably beneath that look. Jake looked away, cheeks slowly deepening red. "I... I don't... Christ jimminy, I... I didn't mean to..."

Tavros growled again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, English. What I need you to do is to stop following me and start spending more time with Dirk. Heavens knows he needs it."

"Dirk? What's he got to do with anything?" Jake seemed truly confused and Tavros wondered if there was something actually wrong with the human. "He doesn't like being touched. Or talked to, really... Right?"

"Oh my God, you're blinder than I thought." Tavros wheeled over to the kitchen counter and snatched up an apple he'd found, angrily ripping it to shreds with his sharp teeth. Looking over his shoulder, spitting apple pulp, Tavros screeched, "How could you have been his matesprit for sweeps and not know he suffers from touch-starvation-based depression?!?"

"He what?" Jake held his own hands tightly, knuckles white. "Dirk is depressed?"

Tavros let out a wordless screech before shouting, _"Yes!_ He is, you brainless, ass-backwards, fool!" Fighting to regain some semblance of calm, growling deep in his chest, Tavros hissed, "Gamzee's been doing his best to help him, but their relationship is based on hate, not love, and Dirk, for some unfathomable reason, needs you. Now get your head out of your ass and focus on something other than your own shit, human."

Tavros went to the back door and rolled out of the house, anger still fizzling in his chest. Jake didn't follow him that time. Tavros could have cried with relief. 

\---

"Hot  _damn!"_ Dirk reached out and smacked Gamzee on the shoulder, both of them breathing hard. "I think you bruised about ninety percent of me..."

Gamzee chuckled. "Not my fault humans are so soft. Dirks in particular."

"Shut up, bitch-ass fugly mother-" A soft rustle cut Dirk off and they both stood, Dirk automatically reaching for the sword that was no longer strapped to his hip. Muttering curses, Dirk snatched up his pants and tried to get the blade from its sheath.

"Don't bother." Gamzee smacked him on the butt. "It's just an animal. Let's go."

Gamzee started to swagger off, his clothes beneath his arm, and Dirk, desperately pulling his clothes back on, said, "Aren't you going to get dressed?" 

"Pff. Naw." Gamzee looked over his shoulder, grinning. "Not my fault I make you jealous."

"Please!" Dirk punched him once in the ribs. "Wasted-ass piece o' shit ain't nothin'."

They continued on together, swapping insults and blows, until the time came to head creekwards. Dirk stripped down for the second time that day and sunk gratefully in the water, rubbing away all the dirt, sweat, and purple junk that had stuck to his skin, doing his best to do the same to his clothes. There were a few questionable stains on the shirt, but Dirk was fairly certain that Jake wouldn't notice them... Especially considering Jake hardly looked at him nowadays...

He heard Gamzee stand and growled softly when the troll smacked him in the back of the head. "I'll send Jake down with some clothes for you."

"What, with  _your_ sense of fashion? I'm gunna look like Paula Dean!"

Gamzee laughed. "Good. It'll be an improvement."

Gamzee trotted back towards the house and Dirk watched him go. For a troll, he really did have a mighty fine ass. 

Not too much later, Jake came barreling from the house, making a mad sprint to the creek and wading to the knee deep center before he even seemed to realize it. He looked like he'd been crying. 

"Woah, hey, what's up?" Dirk stood and held his arms out towards Jake, meaning to hold him, worried despite everything, but Jake glanced at him and shoved clothes into his grip. Stepping from the water, shaking off as much as he could, Dirk got dressed, hoping that Jake would talk to him. He didn't. Dirk tried again. "What's wrong, Jake?"

Jake sniffed and looked down at his hands. "It's nothing, old sport! Don't you worry about a thing." The cheerfulness in his voice was about as real as Velveeta Cheese. 

Dirk sighed. "Come on outta there, Jakey," he said softly. "You're getting your clothes wet."

Jake stumbled out of the creek and sat down, messing with the hem of his shirt and occasionally sniffing or wiping away a tear. Dirk sat beside him and hesitantly laid a hand on Jake's shoulder, wrapping his whole arm around the man when he didn't flinch away. "C'mon Jake. You can tell me."

Jake turned his head away, like even the blurred image in his peripherals was more of Dirk than he could manage. "D-Dirk... I... Did you know how I felt about Tavros?"

"I do."

"Oh..." Jake shuffled uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, I never meant to-"

"It's okay. I'm not mad." Just sad. Just hurt. Just torn into a hundred thousand million pieces. 

"Oh..." Another shift. "W-Well, he knows too and... He rejected me rather soundly." Jake leaned towards Dirk the tiniest bit. "It's strange but... I feel almost relieved."

"Mm." Dirk gently rubbed Jake's arm, wondering why he hadn't dumped him yet. Jake was a thoughtless, unfaithful man, and yet it was so hard for Dirk to let him go. Maybe, he thought, I just crave the abuse. 

"Oh, Dirk, I'm so sorry!" Jake grabbed his hand and Dirk stiffened for a second in surprise. "I'm such a terrible boyfriend."

"Can't argue with that," Dirk deadpanned. 

Jake flinched. "I guess I deserve that... Look, Dirk, I want to be honest with you. I've been having quiet a bit of doubts about... Us... Recently..." God, no, please, don't leave, not now. "We just never really seemed to fit together quiet right for some reason or another." Why, why, what did I do? What went wrong? Please don't. "And a while ago, when I was being... Told off by Tavvy, he said something and... Well, I think I finally figured out what's so wrong about us." Jake finally looked Dirk in the eyes, their bodies close enough that he didn't have to squint to see him. "I never understood you, Dirk. I thought I did, thought I'd cracked the code of the impenetrable Strider, but God, I was so off and I almost ruined everything." Gently, Jake hugged him, and Dirk's mind almost went into lockdown, glitch glitch freeze Windows start up noise. "Almost ruined everything because I never bothered to figure I might be wrong."

Dirk weakly managed to hug Jake back. 

"I know I'm an ass and I don't deserve you at all, but please, Dirk, give me one more chance?"

No, of course not. That's what he should say, and Dirk knew it. Keeping Jake was like keeping a limb that was rotting off his body, killing him slowly, but so hard to admit the poison was real...

"Okay." Dirk rested his cheek against Jake's head. "Okay."

Jake shivered once and sniffed. "Thank you... God, Dirk, why didn't you ever tell me how much you needed to be held?"

Because you never asked. Because you didn't want to know. Because I knew you'd force yourself to touch me.

"Where'd that come from?" He muttered at last, pretending he didn't know.

"Tavros told me... I'm so sorry... Dirk, I thought... Ever since we were teenagers, I thought you hated being touched and so I did everything I could to keep some space, but now it..." Jake held him tighter and Dirk melted against him, holding him with all the desperation he'd felt during their whole relationship. "It seems so stupid," Jake whimpered, his tears clear in the sound of his voice. "I've been thinking over everything, and God, every time I thought you were trying to get away, I get it now, it was just surprise, every time I actually held on to you, it was like you didn't expect it... I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"It's okay." Dirk ran a hand through Jake's soft hair. "It's okay."

It's okay. It doesn't matter if I hurt. I deserve it anyway. 

\---

Jake pulled back a bit and he could see it on Dirk's face that he believed him. He relaxed a bit. Leaning forward, he kissed Dirk briefly on the lips, backing away before Dirk could respond. 

He was glad Dirk believed him. For all his cavorting around recently, the thought of losing Dirk- actually losing him- made Jake panic. And not all of what he'd said was made up. He was sorry that he'd hurt him- so very, very sorry- and he _had_ originally thought Dirk didn't want to be loved on, but he'd learned the truth years ago. Problem was, Jake was so unused to physical contact that he felt no need of it. It didn't occur to him to want to be hugged. And so, he lied. He made it sound like it was all a misunderstanding, told Tavros- his heart ached at the name- that Dirk didn't like to be touched, faked being startled at the revelation that Dirk was depressed, all because he couldn't face his consequences. Because the thought of truly being alone scared him more that anything else. 

Dirk's orange eyes were locked on his face and for once Jake could read them easily. He looked so hopeful...

"Does that mean you're through with Tavros?"

Jake flinched. "I-I don't think it's entirely that simple..." He hugged Dirk again before he could speak or push him away. "But I'm trying, Dirk, I am, and I'll lose it someday, I swear... I love you, too."

"Jakey."

Dirk clung to him, rocking gently, pressing his face against Jake's shoulder and Jake sighed in relief. How wonderful it was, that Dirk was always so willing to forgive. 


	17. Sleeping In

A gentle tug on his horn woke Gamzee and he blinked open his eyes to find Tavros struggling to turn his head enough to look at him. Gamzee knew by the still-blue light of dawn that it was earlier than usual, just at the beginning of sunrise. Tavros shouldn't be up, and yet here he was.

"Hey, Tavvy... What's up?" Rubbing his eyes and yawning, Gamzee sat up and stretched before reaching down to pull Tavros into his lap. The lowblood was shaking all over. "Tavvy?" Tavros shook his head and hid his face in the crook of Gamzee's neck with a soft whimper. Worried, Gamzee held onto him, rocking him until he felt ready to tell him what was wrong. 

After a few minutes Tavros murmured, "I had another nightmare."

"Oh baby..." Gamzee kissed the side of Tavros' head, running one hand up and down his spine. He knew about nightmares. Usually Gamzee was enough to keep Tavros' sleep dreamless, just as Tavros kept Gamzee's terrors at bay, but his mere presence wasn't always enough to chase away the Alternian condition of blood-chilling nightmares. "Do you wanna tell me what it was about?"

"I... I... I don't really remember, but I think... I think you were there."

Gamzee shut his eyes and prayed to no particular deity that his role in this dream had not been that of the tormentor. 

Tavros held onto him tightly for a few minutes longer, but gradually his shakes lessened to near nonexistence and his hands started to wander across Gamzee's bare skin. 

"Tavros?"

"Please, I..." Tavros tipped his head up and kissed Gamzee on the lips. "I need you, Gamzee."

"Then I'm yours." Gamzee held Tavros closely for a second longer, kissing him slow and deep, before laying him back down, settling on top of him, the heat of their bare skin touching chasing away the last dredges of his tiredness. Tavros groaned, brown eyes fluttering shut, and he ran his hands acros Gamzee's body, pulling at him and running his nails lightly over scarred grey skin. 

Gamzee let Tavros pull at him till their hips were pressed together, so close that when Gamzee's bulge left its sheath it was forced immediately into the wet heat of Tavros' nook. Both of them made some soft sound of appreciation at the sweet friction, breath starting to speed up as Gamzee began his steady lovemaking. Tavros' hands were on Gamzee's hips, but they weren't begging him to go faster this time. He was just holding him, thumbs rubbing slowly against the soft skin just next to Gamzee's groin and Gamzee gave a shuddering sigh of pleasure. 

Tipping his head back as far as he was able, Tavros let Gamzee kiss his neck, humming as Gamzee pressed his huge fangs against the fragile flesh, sucking and biting a mark onto Tavros' body with far more care than Tavros had shown to him. "Mine," Gamzee purred, shifting to lay his forehead on Tavros', spreading his legs a bit more to get better balance. 

"Mm... Yours..." Tavros weakly agreed, one hand sliding up to the back of Gamzee's neck, pulling the highblood closer to kiss him, his tongue moving as slowly as Gamzee's body. 

Gamzee responded happily to Tavros' touches, reaching one hand down to carefully shift the lowblood's legs further apart so he could move where every slow thrust rubbed fully against the most sensitive place of Tavros' beautiful body. Tavros gasped then moaned into his mouth and Gamzee shivered, those sweet noises bringing the highblood as much pleasure as the sex itself. 

"Little more?" Tavros murmured, messily kissing Gamzee's neck and jaw. Gamzee growled softly, changing his rhythm so that every pull away almost removed him completely and every return went all the way till grey skin touched grey skin. 

"Is that better?" He gasped, bowing his head, his long horns stabbing into the pockmarked headboard. 

Tavros kissed the bite marks on Gamzee's shoulders before humming softly in acceptance, running his tongue over the continually savaged flesh, rough with scars. Gamzee whined softly, nearly undone by the feel of that soft tongue on his bare skin, and Tavros kissed him gently on the lips. Separated but so close that Tavros' every breath warmed his face, Gamzee's purple eyes looked into Tavros' and he thought, with his sex-scattered thoughts, that he would never see such a beautiful shade of brown again for as long as he lived. 

"Tavros..." Gamzee so desperately wanted to tell his matesprit how wonderful he really was, but the words didn't seem to want to leave his mouth. "Ta-Tavro-Tavros, b-b-beautiful, so beau-beautiful..."

Pure, untainted love glowed like the sunset in Tavros' eyes and everything in Gamzee just melted for this lowblooded troll that the world had tried to say was nothing. Gamzee was so glad that he'd never been too good at listening to the world. 

Not bothering to try and hold back his quiet moans, Gamzee laid his cheek against Tavros', shivering slightly when Tavros began to softly trace his many scars. "Oh, Gamzee..." Tavros groaned his name and again Gamzee almost fell apart, desperately gripping the bedsheets, determined to last until Tavros got his end. 

One of Tavros' hands slid between them and he tried to touch himself, but Gamzee gently pushed his hand away, taking Tavros' bulge in his grip. "It's better," he managed to mumble, "when someone else does it."

Tavros gave that soft, tired warble he made in the mornings that Gamzee loved so much and the highblood purred, neither slowing nor speeding up in his lovemaking, running his hand along Tavros' fluid-slick bulge and holding back the hot waves of pleasure that threatened to bring all this to an end. 

Then Tavros' breath started to hitch and he arched his back, one hand clutching at Gamzee's dark hair as his genetic material soaked into the bedsheets. With a quiet cry of ecstasy and relief, Gamzee finally let himself finish, hot purple fluid running down Tavros' crotch. They stayed as they were for a moment, shaking, holding each other in the sweet waves of the aftershock. 

Then, weakly, Gamzee used the sheets to pat Tavros clean and moved the cripple to the dry side of the bed, laying close by his side and twining their fingers together. His eyes drifted shut. The light from the window was still dawn-blue. He figured he could get an hour or so more of sleep before he really got up. 

~~~

At least four hours later, Gamzee woke up feeling worse than he had before. Groaning, tired to his bones, Gamzee raised his head from Tavros' chest and looked towards the window. It was far, far too late. 

A shot of adrenaline, not unlike that which comes with the sound of a hated alarm, sent Gamzee flying over Tavros and onto the ground, scrambling to pull his clothes on while Tavros weakly pushed himself up. "Wha's up, Gamz?"

"It's late, Tavvy, I slept too long, way way too long, DIRK!!! I gotta go, you just- DIIIIIRRRK!! -just go back to sleep okay?  _DIIRRRRRKKK!!!"_ Hissing viciously as his horn ripped through his shirt as he tried to get it over his head, Gamzee stumbled out the bedroom and staggered into the empty living room. He looked around, sniffed the air, but neither Dirk or Jake were present. "Dirk?"

Gamzee made his way to the kitchen, rubbing one eye and smacking his mouth, disgusted at the taste. There was a note on the table, spelled out in pebbles. 

_We don't have paper, so this'll have to do, wow I should stop wasting them like this, anyway, I took Jake out because you two seemed busy and also because I didn't want to touch you or go anywhere near that bed, I know the way, blah, blah, have fun. -Dirk_

"Motherfucker," Gamzee grumbled, laughing softly. He took his shirt back off, swept the pebbles onto it and threw them outside before making his way back to the bedroom, unbuttoning his pants and letting them fall away. 

"Gamzee?" Tavros was sitting up and he held his arms out to Gamzee. Gamzee gratefully fell against him, their bodies pressed perfectly together. "What is it?"

"Dirk took Jake out. Doin' my job... I don't- I don't even know what to- I just... Tavvy, I don't even remember the last time I just got to stay with you..."

"It was just at the start of fall, I think. There was a huge storm, thunder, wind, rain, even hail, I made you stay. It was around ten and a half moons ago."

"Damn, Tavvy..." Gamzee traced small patterns on Tavros' side. "Why are you so smart?"

Tavros laughed and Gamzee purred when the lowblood kissed his head. "I'm not really. I can just remember things well is all."

"Sounds like bein' smart to me," Gamzee grumbled. Tavros just hummed softly, his soft hands rubbing Gamzee's skin in all the right ways. "So what do you wanna do?"

"Absolutely nothing," Tavros sighed, laying back and taking Gamzee with him. "Absolutely nothing..."

\---

Dirk hummed softly, a gentle, repeating rhythm, and after a moment Jake uncertainly copied the sound. "There ya go, Jakey." Grabbing Jake's hand, Dirk held it over the man's head and Jake rolled his eyes, letting Dirk spin him. "Now make it more bumpin'."

Jake gave him a smile, small and shaky, but a smile nonetheless. He hummed the notes again and Dirk bobbed his head with it, quickly finding and memorizing Jake's beat. "Alright, check it." Sword drawn, half dancing through the trees, Dirk began his rap. 

"Half the world's kicked the bucket, the rest have gone, said fuck it, and fragile lives, fragile lies, fragile ties, broken down in your eyes, and the  _skit-skit-skit_ of a broken heart still beating gives the world a different meaning when in all the beating and the meaning of your broken heart's beating is just a mean way to beat the meaning of the beaten into this broken man's still heart."

"I must say old chap, I didn't understand a word of that." Jake squinted around, his soft humming brought to an end. 

"You're not supposed to understand," Dirk finished resetting a sprung trap. "You're supposed to feel it." Taking advantage of Jake's bad eyesight, Dirk slid close and brushed their lips together, barely enough to qualify as a kiss. The other man squeaked softly but didn't flinch away. Dirk grinned at him, big enough for Jake to see clearly. 

"You know, now that you mention it, I think I am feeling something." Jake attempted to sound coy, bumping Dirk gently with his shoulder.

Dirk laughed, the fullest laugh he'd given in a long, long time and Jake seemed a bit surprised, but the look turned to happy pride after a moment. "Jake, you're a treasure."

"That I am!" 

Suddenly physically aching for contact, Dirk shifted closer, wrapping one arm around Jake and holding the man until he started to squirm. Pulling away and taking a moment to poke Jake on the nose, Dirk once again led the way through the trees, following the now-familiar path he'd walked with Gamzee. Stepping into a small place where the path branched into several, Dirk glanced down and thought briefly of Gamzee again. God, but that troll had felt good... Shaking his head to clear it, Dirk tried to change his thoughts but only succeeded in wondering if he could convince Jake to have sex here, in the same place. How far would he go, Dirk wondered. How long before his gentle flirting became something a little more heated? Would it ever? Dirk doubted it. But that was okay. He was fine. Really. 

As they moved forward, Dirk doing almost all of the work, they were in relative silence, though Dirk would occasionally murmur rap lyrics under his breath. He wasn't focused on his craft though, not at all. Dirk was still trying to find some way to ask Jake for what he wanted and now that he realized how much he really did want it the thought wouldn't go away. It was all he could focus on, his body wandering on autopilot, repeating the familiar patterns of resetting traps as his mind ran circles. But for all his thinking he still had no idea what he would say by the time they returned, sitting side by side in the creek and washing off the dirt and sweat of the day, he still had no clue how to broach the subject. 

Jake was still being cute and that didn't help Dirk's situation at all. Longingly, he watched Jake scoop up one handful of water at a time for his hair as opposed to just dunking his head underwater, wishing desperately that he could reach out and pull Jake close, kiss and hug that sweet man, show him all the love Dirk felt, and know for certain that those actions would be wanted. Dirk was suddenly intensely jealous of Gamzee. He wondered what it would be like, to have a boyfriend that literally squealed with joy when he walked into the room, that reached for him before he'd even started to approach, that waited for him to come home every day because nothing was quite as good when he wasn't around. He wondered what it was like to be loved, truly and deeply. 

He hoped Dave was okay. 

"Dirk?" Dirk blinked, looking up at Jake through an oddly blurred haze. "Dirk, are you... Are you  _crying?"_

The haze suddenly cleared and heat rolled down his cheek. "I guess so."

Dirk could see it on Jake's face, how much he wished Dirk would stop because tears made him uncomfortable. I'm trying, he thought numbly. "Are you... Okay?" 

Dirk didn't know why he was suddenly so emotional. He blamed Gamzee. "I guess so." The tears stopped quickly and Dirk washed his face. "Come on, let's go crash Gamzee's sex party." Dirk got up just as Jake made a disgusted noise and shook his head. 

"Please, never say that again."

"Okay. Let's go bust-"

"No." Jake flicked him on the neck. "You've lost your talking privileges."

"Oof." 

In silence, they made the short walk to the house, knocking on the door for fear of going in at the wrong time. Gamzee opened it after a few moments, wearing absolutely nothing and looking half asleep. "Mm?"

"We'd like to come in." Dirk poked Gamzee where his nipple should be, if he'd had nipples. "Scoot, ugly."

"Bitch ass little shit," Gamzee grumbled, scratching his head and shuffling off to curl up in Tavros' lap. The cripple was, thankfully, fully dressed and Dirk waved at him. Tavros smiled weakly and yawned. 

"Shit, did y'all just get up?" Dirk wandered off to find some clean clothes, not waiting for an answer. He returned in full dress with more for Jake, passing the clothes off and glancing over to see that Gamzee was asleep and Tavros was almost there, his face pressed against the highblood's hair. "Wow. Lazy trolls." Slapping Gamzee harshly on the thigh, ignoring the resulting bark of anger, Dirk deadpanned, "Go back to bed, idiot, and take your bull-horn with you."

Baring his impressive fangs, Gamzee glared at him but nonetheless got up and scooped Tavros into his arms. Dirk slapped the highblood's butt as he went by, earning a hiss and a muttered threat, but he couldn't take a swing at the blond with Tavros in his arms. Calmed by a soft murmur from Tavros, Gamzee's shoulders slumped and he made his tired way to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Dirk laid on the couch, thinking that that had been a lot easier than he'd thought it would be. 

"Dirk? Are you going to sleep?"

"Why not?" Dirk covered his eyes with his arm. 

"Because it... Dirk, it's just past noon."

Dirk shrugged as best as he could and rolled over. "Nothing else to do." That was true. It was also true that he felt drained beyond his task, weighed beyond his years, and he didn't feel like feeling. 

"Oh... Um..." Suddenly there was warmth and light and Jake's short little self was pressed against Dirk's back, his thin arms wrapped around Dirk's chest. Dirk froze, trying to make sense of Jake's actions. Then he relaxed, cautiously laying his hand over Jake's, a tiny bit of that numb flaking off. Feeling leaked through the crack in his cage and it hurt, God it hurt, but Dirk let it hurt, because he deserved it. Tears ran down his face, dropped silently to the couch. He started to think of Dave again, wondered why Dave was suddenly popping up in his thoughts so much, blocked out that particular poison and focused on Jake instead. Jake was still holding him. Jake was still here. And he hadn't mentioned Tavros even once today. 

For the first time in a long time, Dirk allowed himself a page-thin sliver of hope. 

\---

"Gamzee, they are one room away!"

"So?" Gamzee kissed the mark he'd left on Tavros' throat. "I know you can be quiet enough~"

"Nhg... G-Gamzee..." Tavros started to relax and let Gamzee take him, but then he shook his head and pushed at the highblood's chest. "No!"

"Aw, come on Tavvy..." Gamzee laid next to him, begging with his eyes. 

"No."

Gamzee huffed and pushed himself up enough to kiss Tavros on the lips. "Okay. Whatever you want."

Tavros pushed one hand into Gamzee's hair, taking a shuddering breath against the highblood's lips. "What I  _want_ is for you to fuck me till I pass out, but this bed's started creaking and it's too loud."

Gamzee tipped his head. "I could always just put you on the floor."

Tavros blinked, looked over the side of the bed. "Yeah, that could work."

Purring, Gamzee took Tavros into his arms and gently lifted him, waddling awkwardly on his knees till he reached the edge of the bed. He still felt a little tired from the weariness of over sleeping and the fact that he'd done nothing but make love to Tavros till he couldn't and then sleep did nothing to chase away the feeling of his bones being a bit heavier than normal. 

But he still had enough energy to give Tavros what he wanted. 

Gamzee laid Tavros down and the lowblood shivered as his bare skin touched the cold floor. Running his hands up and down Tavros' sides, Gamzee was suddenly reminded of their life before everything, when they would occasionally just get all tangled up on the kitchen floor, messes be damned. 

Tavros lay beneath him, eyes half shut, and Gamzee wondered how such a soft looking creature could get so sexually violent. He ran his hands along Tavros' thighs, thinking to himself that if Tavros wasn't paralyzed then he would probably never be anything but a bottom, forced into a position of submission by this lowblood's near-insatiable need. Not that that would bother Gamzee. Total submission to Tavros was his constant state anyway. 

"Whatcha thinking about?" Tavros reached up and laid a hand on his cheek. Gamzee purred, lovingly nuzzling his face against Tavros' palm.

"Thinkin' about how you don't seem like your natural state would be as the one on top." Tavros' hand slid from his cheek to in his hair, gently massaging his head. Gamzee purred, sitting on Tavros' lap, his legs having gone weak. 

"And if I could do that?" Tavros reached his other hand up and Gamzee bent his head down, eyes shut. "Would you let me take you completely?"

Gamzee whined softly, his arms starting to lose their strength as well. "In a heartbeat."

"Good boy~" Tavros continued to rub Gamzee with one hand, the other going to his hip and pushing at him gently until the highblood was where he needed to be. Tavros' bulge was curled up, the wet surface pressed against Gamzee's nook. "Can I?" Tavros murmured, brushing his fingers against Gamzee's throat. 

"Uh-huh..." Gamzee could barely think enough to respond, too lost in the feel of Tavros' hands on his body. Tavros was warm and filled Gamzee perfectly, fitting against him like they had always meant to be connected, not apart. 

Encouraged by Tavros' impatient nudges, Gamzee started to move, getting enough strength to his weak legs to go at what he deemed a fine pace. But, as always, Tavros started to push at him again, getting both his hands on Gamzee's rump and forcing him up before easily sliding his hands to the highblood's thighs and shoving him back down, their bodies audibly colliding. 

Gamzee got the message. He moved faster, bouncing on Tavros' lap, his hands on the other troll's chest. Tavros was touching him, unhurried hands brushing his grub scars, tracing his flesh scars, petting his hair, wandering lazily downward to stroke his bulge. Whining softly, rational thought quickly fleeing, Gamzee starting panting.

"Harder." Gamzee whined again, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the fogginess in his brain. The deep, wet pleasure of sex, the softer euphoria of Tavros' hands and voice, they buzzed through Gamzee's body and he only faintly heard Tavros' order. He did his best to obey, bracing his hands on either side of Tavros' head.  

"Harder." It wasn't enough. Gamzee spread his legs more, his hands fisted on the ground as he pushed himself with everything he could. 

"Harder, Gamzee." Gamzee tried to speak but it was all garbled together and he just growled, managing a little more, but already knowing it wasn't enough. Legs shaking, he pushed himself up, giving a soft yelp of surprise when Tavros put his hands to Gamzee's hips and shoved him back down with all the strength in his upper body. Again, Gamzee rose up on his knees and again, Tavros shoved him down, his already-bruised thighs aching dully at the impact. The pain was quickly overloaded with pleasure and Gamzee gave no thought to how stiff he was going to be once he actually gave his body a rest. He quickly fell into the new rhythm, rising as much as he could as fast as he could and then offering less than no resistance as Tavros forced him back down, straining his legs to carry him up again the second their hips slammed together. 

Tavros was moaning quietly, equally soft groans and murmured words of love escaping his lips as he helped Gamzee move. The highblood purred, every little noise Tavros made adding another layer of joy to this moment of heaven. Gamzee thought slowly that he'd like to tell Tavros how much he loved him, but for the life of him, he couldn't seem to remember how to talk. The soft growls that flowed out naturally with his rough panting was all the noise Gamzee could manage, but Tavros seemed to understand even that. 

"I love you toooooo..." Tavros half moaned the words, tipping his head back as far as he could. Gamzee, arms finally giving up, sank down till he was almost laying on top of Tavros, running tongue over the lowblood's throat as he desperately kicked off of the floor to keep the pace his matesprit wanted. 

Laying his head on Tavros' shoulder, Gamzee shut his eyes and just felt the easy flex of hard muscle as Tavros pushed his hips down again and again, a shaky purr raising from the sounds of his harsh breathing. Turning his head as much as he was able, Tavros managed to kiss Gamzee's face, enticing the highblood closer and easily engaging him in sloppy makeouts, both their bodies shivering at the sweet taste of the other's tongue. 

Gamzee was getting weaker, his tired legs giving up under the fierce assault Tavros demanded. He whimpered, scrambling to keep himself moving, his muscles refusing to cooperate even as Tavros, whining in harmony with Gamzee, pulled and pushed the highblood's entire body. It wasn't much more, but apparently it was enough because Tavros gasped and suddenly Gamzee was full of a liquid heat, bronze fluid running back down Tavros' bulge from Gamzee's over filled nook and pooling on the floor. 

Gamzee was almost done himself, but he didn't bother trying to make it to the bucket. It was full anyway. Mewling, trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, Gamzee desperately grabbed for Tavros' hand, clinging to his matesprit and riding his natural high to its end. 

Completely spent, Gamzee laid on top of Tavros, groaning softly from the friction made from the brown bulge retreating into its sheath. Faintly, he realized that he should probably get back to the bed, but his vision was fading fast and he just shut his eyes, willing to fall asleep on the floor. But then he heard Tavros, quietly asking to be moved, and Gog how could he refuse Tavros Nitram?

Growling softly under his breath, Gamzee forced his body to move, pushing himself off of Tavros and taking that flawless body into his shaking arms, somehow managing to transfer him from floor to bed and crawling in alongside him. Dully, he thought that they'd have to eat dinner after he woke up again in a bit. He wondered if they'd have sex again after. Probably... He fell asleep, blessedly dreamless. 


	18. Okay, It's Time For You To Move Out

Gamzee woke up, groaning softly from the lingering effects of the night before. Gog, but he was tired and every inch of his thighs and lower stomach ached. By his side, Tavros was breathing softly, close enough to touch. Blinking away the fuzziness of sleep, Gamzee focused on Tavros' face, love slowly filling his heart to bursting. 

His Tavros was as beautiful as always, lips slightly parted, a line of drool, the spit tainted with purple, running from the corner of his mouth. His unwashed hair was shiny with grease. Gamzee watched the gentle rise and fall of the lowblood's chest with every quiet breath he took before letting his eyes wander across those broad shoulders and strong arms. And his hands, his sweet hands... Gamzee sat up and gently took one of Tavros' hands, covering it completely in his own. Their relative size made Tavros' hands seem smaller than they were, but Gamzee knew the strength they held. He traced the lines of his matesprit's palm, a weak, quiet purr trying to rise from his throat. 

"Mm... Gamzee...?" Tavros' eyes flickered open and Gamzee's purr deepened in stability, looking at those beautiful eyes. They were a sunset of brown. 

"Yeah." Gamzee bent down to kiss Tavros, wondering to himself how he'd ever managed to survive those first sweeps of his life where Tavros was not present. How could anything survive without Tavros? It didn't seem likely that anything could. Now that he thought about it, that was probably why the world ended. After Tavros decided that he would be Gamzee's, there just wasn't enough left of him for the rest of the world and  _poof!_ just like that, it all crashes and burns. "Hey, Tavvy, I think I figured something out."

"Mm...?" Tavros rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "Wha's that?"

Gamzee laid down, still holding Tavros' hand, and snuggled against the lowblood's side. "I think, when you stopped being the world's and started being mine, that the world couldn't take it and just plum offed itself. That's why everything died all sudden like." Some of the reverence he felt for Tavros crept into his voice. "You're life Tavros. Nothing can live without you, because you're life."

Tavros wouldn't look at Gamzee and that confused the highblood greatly. Then, quietly, Tavros said, "That's... Cute... Gamzee. But I'm not that important. Okay? I'm not."

Gamzee felt something in him crack fatally and he frantically fought to hold himself in one piece. "D-Don't say that, now..." For some unfathomable reason, Gamzee felt his fangs shift, letting sharper, flesh-tearing teeth emerge. He didn't know why his body was doing that now. He wasn't mad, didn't need to fight, what was he doing? Having to talk past the extra teeth, Gamzee garbled out, "Don' thay tha' Ta'roth. Don'. P'eath."

"Gamzee?" Tavros struggled to sit up and Gamzee hurried to help him, mouth slightly open to prevent his teeth from stabbing into his gums. Gently, Tavros reached out and pulled the highblood's upper lip back with his thumb. "My Gog." Tavros looked scared. 

Whimpering, Gamzee pulled away, miserably attempting to cover his fangs. "I' thorry, I' thorry..." It was too much, it was hurting, hurting bad, bones grinding together, gums bursting from the press of the fangs. Blood dripped from his lips and he weakly wiped it away. 

"Oh, sweetie..." Tavros laid a hand on his cheek and pulled him closer, kissing him gently on the lips despite his blood and sharp teeth. That seemed to help a bit. The fangs stopped coming at last and a few retreated back into their hidden places. Gamzee growled softly and tried to kiss Tavros back, wincing in pain when he cut himself on his own teeth. But his jaw was returning to normal and his heart- which Gamzee had not noticed the frantic pace of- slowed down to normal. 

"Are you okay?" Tavros pulled back and ran his thumb over Gamzee's lower lip, worry on his face. "What happened?"

Gamzee lowered his head a bit, unable to look into Tavros' eyes but unwilling to pull away from that soft touch. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"I scared you..." 

"Oh, Gamzee..." Tavros got his arms around Gamzee, pulled him close until the highblood was curled in his lap, his head tucked beneath the lowblood's chin. "I was just scared something was wrong. I didn't think you would hurt me, I would never think that. I know you, Gamzee."

Gamzee closed his eyes and listened to Tavros' steady heartbeat for a minute. "Okay."

"Now, what happened?"

Gamzee shrugged. "I dunno..."

"Oh sweetie..." Tavros rubbed his arm and kissed his head and Gamzee felt a little bit better. But he felt... Embarrassed, for some reason. He didn't even know why, but the feeling persisted. "Gamzee-"

Tavros was interrupted by the door opening and Jake stumbling through. He stood looking down at his feet and mumbled something. Gamzee growled low in his chest, anger at Jake blotting out any other feeling. The human glanced up, damaged eyes unfocused, and said louder, "Dirk told me to get you..."

"Dirk." Gamzee hissed the name and Jake whimpered, nodding his head. Making his way to the edge of the bed, Gamzee carefully helped Tavros into his wheelchair, swiftly pulling a pair of pants over the lowblood's dead legs and kissing him on the mouth, gently pressing his tongue to Tavros' lips till they parted. Gamzee was fully aware of the shifting, uncomfortable human standing close enough to see with some clarity what was happening. Good, let him look. Let him finally get it through his thick, racist skull that Tavros would never be in any of his quadrants. Ever. 

Cupping Tavros' cheek in one hand, gently moving to kiss the lowblood's throat, Gamzee muttered a few last words of love before he had to put on his own clothes. Still pulling on a shirt, Gamzee made his way out of the room, roughly shepherding Jake out with him. 

Dirk was standing by the door, arms crossed. "C'mon lazy, I ain't doing your job forever. Get up faster."

Gamzee glared at him, marching straight to that stupid blond and kissing him roughly on the lips, pressing him hard against the wall and ignoring his muffled squeaks of protest. He heard Jake start to make some small sound of disagreement, but it was quickly snuffed. Dirk pawed at his body, half pushing him away half pulling him closer, and Gamzee jumped away as soon as Dirk started to kiss him back, a grin on his face. Dirk, looking rather ruffled, blinked, seeming to need a minute to realize what had happened. 

His orange eyes narrowed in anger and he said evenly, "Don't do that again."

"How are you going to stop me?" Gamzee tipped his head, looking down on the smaller human. "You humans are like midgets."

Dirk scoffed. "You're just a giant, you inbred freak."

"Is inbred an insult? I don't remember." Gamzee sauntered over to Jake, putting a hand to the human's shoulder before he could think to flinch away. Gently, he started to rub the stress knots from the little man's shoulders, earning a soft sigh of appreciation. Dirk was further angered by this, his jaw clenching. Gamzee chuckled softly, letting his hands go a little lower, rubbing Jake's back and sides. "Your human insults never made too much sense to me, to be honest. Like gay. I asked about five different people what that meant. Got three different answers. Do you know what gay is?" Gamzee shifted his hands lower on Jake's body and Dirk actually bared his teeth. 

Jake's eyes were half shut. He seemed to be greatly enjoying the massage. Sleepily, he murmured, "It's when a guy likes guys... Mm~... Dirk is gay..."

Gamzee laughed, his hands sliding to Jake's legs. The human half raised one, letting Gamzee rub his thighs with nary a word of protest. "Isn't that adorable? Humans have a word for damn near everything." Slowly, Gamzee's hands were making their way to Jake's crotch, inching closer steadily. Gamzee's purple eyes were locked on Dirk's face wondering how close he would let him get. 

When he was no more than an inch away, Dirk snapped, "Don't you touch him!" 

Jake jumped in surprise at the sudden harsh voice and Gamzee stepped back, hands up. "Hey now, motherfucker~" he smiled lazily, forcing his voice into the wavy tones he knew he'd had when he used to eat sopor. "Ain't no point in all up and yelling at everybody."

Dirk snarled, stepping forward to grab Jake and tuck the dark-haired man behind him. "Don't. Touch. Him."

Jake patted Dirk awkwardly on the shoulder. "I-It's alright Dirk..."

Gamzee stared at Dirk and Dirk stared back, neither blinked, barely breathed. The contact was broken when a warm hand slid up Gamzee's shirt. Purring, all the harsh satisfaction of teasing Dirk melting away to honey-sweet softness, Gamzee turned to Tavros. He bent down to kiss his matesprit, wondering faintly why he hadn't heard him come into the room. "Gamzee," Tavros gasped his name against his lips and Gamzee's breath hitched. Gog, how could anything make such a beautiful sound?

Far too soon, Gamzee had to pull away, and the group of four made their way to the kitchen for breakfast, Jake still a little stunned, Dirk still a little mad. It was a rather unpleasant affair for Gamzee. He kept having to swallow mouthfuls of his own blood that leaked from his cut cheeks and broken gums, unable to just spit it out like he normally would. It might upset Tavros if he did. 

Eventually, blindly swallowing the pill Tavros shoved into his hand, Gamzee made it out the front door with Dirk at his back. Walking wasn't exactly a fun thing to do at the moment, each flex of muscle sending a dull, hot pain through his bruised body. Grumbling, he rubbed at his legs, turning his head to spit a wad of purple onto the ground.

Dirk was silent and Gamzee came to the unfortunate conclusion that Dirk would want another feelings-jam. Which was all well in good except for the fact that Gamzee just fucking hated that guy. But... Well, having Dirk pout and drag his feet instead of being someone worth fighting with was worse than a heart-to-heart he supposed. Spitting out more blood, gingerly testing the torn flaps of skin in his mouth with the tip of his tongue, Gamzee took a moment before saying, "Alright, take two. Spit it out."

"Mm...?" Gog, he couldn't even form an actual response. He must really be messed up today. 

Gamzee sighed dramatically. "Lookie here you weird pseudo-albino piece of shit. My mouth feels like it was assaulted by a cheese grater, so stop making me talk and start talking yourself. What'dya want from me?"

Dirk didn't answer and Gamzee didn't repeat his question. They walked together, silent, never touching, replacing and cleaning traps and taking out what little dead roamed. Then, when they were about halfway through, Dirk quietly said, "How do I get Jake to love me?"

Gamzee groaned. Redrom problems. Of course. He knew precious little about that. He and Tavros had had  _maybe_ two fights in the entirety of their relationship, both of which had ended with both of them apologizing through tears. "Redirect," he muttered, poking his tongue around his mouth again. 

Then Dirk stumbled. Dirk never stumbled. "How... How do I make him know how much I love him?"

Ah. Now that he knew the answer to. Sadly rubbing his cheek, resigning himself to a bit of pain, Gamzee half-limped forward and spoke. "Live for him and only him. Everything you do, everything you say, do it with the intention of honoring him, lifting him, making him feel like the world is at his feet. See him as the sacred and flawless being he is and let him see it on your face how much just touching him makes you happy. Ask for his permission for everything unless you know without the tiniest bit out doubt that he'll say yes. I can kiss Tavros whenever I want because I know he loves it just as much as I do. If you can't say that about Jake, then ask, every time, without fail, and respect what he says. When he lets you kiss him, kiss him like it's the most important, most amazing thing you have ever done or ever will do and believe it, believe with every fiber of your being that earning the privilege of being allowed to touch him in so intimate a way is the greatest thing you will ever accomplish." Gamzee weakly spat out more blood, hoping he wasn't pulling the few clotted wounds open again. "Listen to him when he talks about something he likes even if it's boring as shit to you. It doesn't matter what you want, what you feel, all that matters is him, and if it makes him happy then by Gog it should make you happy too. And be honest with him. Even if you hide from everyone else in the world, you have to give yourself to him, at least."

"Ah." A soft sound, wholly un-Dirk-ish. Gamzee wished Dirk would be sassy and insulting again, he missed that Dirk. This soft-spoken creature that followed sadly behind him was just a depressing simulacrum of his Dirk. "And how... How would I... If he let me, how would..." Gamzee looked over his shoulder. Dirk's cheeks were flushed, his hideous, popsicle-orange eyes studying the ground at his feet. "How would I make love to him?"

Gog, did Dirk even think about things before he spoke them? What a stupidly obvious question. Maybe all humans were this dumb. 

Gamzee raised his head and sniffed the air, trying to detect the scent of a corpse past the pungent, musky scent of Dirk's sweaty body. There was nothing. He decided to answer Dirk's stupid question. "It's in the name, idiot. You make love to him. It's the love that's important, in case you're too stupid to get that. Every move you make has to be for him and him alone, because if you start doing it for yourself then you're not making love to him anymore. You're masturbating with his body and that not what you do with your matesprit. Your kismesis, maybe, but never your matesprit. Ignore whatever you want for yourself and watch every little movement he makes, do whatever gives him the most pleasure the most fulfillment, because he is all that matters. Do you understand me?"

Meekly, Dirk muttered, "I understand."

Gamzee nodded once and continued. "You be gentle with him, always gentle, no matter what. If he wants you to be rough, he'll ask, and even then you get rough slowly because how far you go is his decision and only he can say when you're giving him what he wants. And if he ever,  _ever,_ seems scared or hurt or even faintly uncomfortable, you stop, stop immediately and ask him what's wrong because there's no point if he isn't enjoying it. Do you understand?"

"Yes Gamzee." Dirk muttered the words, just as quiet as he'd been since they walked out the front door. 

The highblood grunted, his attitude curdling sour. Why did he have to walk Dirk through something so simple and straightforward? It was annoying. Maybe he was just doing it to annoy him... But when Gamzee glanced at Dirk the blond's face was locked in a look of intense, pained concentration. Oh. He really hadn't known. Noting with relief that the bleeding in his mouth had slowed to a near stop, Gamzee said, "Oh, and it's time you moved out."

_"What?"_

Ah, yes, there he was. The dull emptiness had fled from Dirk's eyes, chased by anger, and his glare burned like a fresh-lit coal. 

Gamzee grinned. "Yep. Take your boy and leave. Get out of my house. Evicted. And so on and so forth."

Dirk sputtered for a second, rage stealing his words, then he struck blindly out, his fist missing Gamzee entirely. Gamzee grabbed the human's arm and slid behind him, wrapping his other arm around Dirk's chest and using the man's own limb to put him in a headlock. Letting his hot breath brush the nape of Dirk's neck, Gamzee purred, "Why so mad, Dirky? Don't you hate being around me?" Dirk growled, the sound deepening when Gamzee licked the pale skin of his throat. 

"And where," Dirk panted, "will me and Jake be going?" 

"Anywhere you want, I suppose, until I teach you how to get your own house built." 

"Dammit, Gamzee!" Dirk twisted in his grip, quickly giving up against the troll's superior strength. "And here I thought you were dumping me."

Gamzee pressed himself against Dirk, making his intentions very, very clear. Dirk tensed up at the feel of something wriggling against the small of his back, glaring up at Gamzee with heat and hatred. Purring harshly in victory, Gamzee wrestled Dirk to the ground and started to strip him, welcoming the return of his kismesis' spirit with a rough display of loving hate. 

~~~

Stiff and sore, Gamzee rubbed his bruised thighs, made all the worse from Dirk's harsh fight for dominance. "Everything hurts," he grumbled, limping awkwardly and giving a purr of relief when the sound of his creek reached his ears. 

"S'what you get," Dirk swaggered past him, wearing nothing but his boxers, all but unaffected by their 'fight'. 

Gamzee hissed at his black partner's back, bringing up one hand to rub at his shoulder, bruised by the human's blunt teeth. "Both of you need to stop being so damn violent all the time," he grumbled. 

"You literally dragged my naked body across the bare earth when I tried to crawl out from under you."

Gamzee spat blood. "Yeah, but you're barely scratched." Wading into the shallow water and stiffly lowering himself into it, Gamzee muttered pathetically, "My thighs are purple."

"Hmm." Dirk crouched in front of him and grabbed one of his legs, pulling it from the water and examining the bruised grey flesh. His fingertips brushed delicately against the highblood's thigh and Gamzee froze, breath speeding up. Then Dirk dug his fingers into the wounds and Gamzee roared, grabbing the human and throwing him to the ground. He came up from the water with barely a gasp, orange eyes blank. "Yep." He nodded once. "There are definitely bruises there."

Grumbling insults and curses, Gamzee scrubbed himself clean, gently rubbing at his wounded parts. He looked at the scabbed bite mark on his shoulder, small, delicate spots that bristled dried purple, looking oddly scattered among the equally small and delicate scars that surrounded it, with an occasional puckered ridge. He wondered if keeping an open wound was a particularly smart thing to do. He concluded that it was not, in fact, particularly smart, but he wasn't going to tell Tavros to stop biting him. He liked it too much. 

Cleaned, he stood and moved to gather his clothes when he realized that he'd left them laying scattered among the underbrush when he'd taken Dirk. Oops. Maybe Tavros wouldn't notice. That hope was quickly dashed when he walked through the front door to be met by, "Gamzee, where'd you leave your clothes?"

Gamzee faked hurt. "Fresh back from the war and you won't even say hello to me."

Tavros smiled softly and wheeled closer, laying his hands on Gamzee's hips and leaning forward to kiss his bruised thighs. "Hello." Gamzee shuttered from the pleasure of those soft lips on his bare skin. Dimly, the highblood heard Dirk herd Jake out of the house and shut the door, but he was too far gone to pay it much notice, purring softly as Tavros continued to kiss the ugly purple-black marks on his flesh, warm hands wandering over his wet body. Shakily, Gamzee raised a hand and put it to Tavros' head, petting him in the way he knew the lowblood liked. 

Then, with a soft, adorable little sound, Tavros pressed his warm, wet tongue right between Gamzee's legs. The highblood gasped, faltering in his strokes, his free hand going to grip the back of Tavros' wheelchair. His bulge pushed free and Tavros cooed lovingly, bringing up one hand to hold it and shutting his eyes, letting it rub against his cheek for a moment. "Gamzee."

Oh, Gog, that quiet voice whimpering his name... Gamzee shivered again, watching Tavros touch him and so desperately wishing he remembered how to move so he could return the favor.

Tavros was licking him and kissing him and oh Gog it's so good. Whimpering, Gamzee weakly shifted closer, getting into Tavros' wheelchair with him, standing on his knees, his body half curled around his matesprit's head. Tavros started to purr, kissing him slowly from base to tip, his hands still rubbing a slow pattern of pleasure. Gamzee mewled, a remarkably weak sound considering his size. One of Tavros' hands reached up to lay against the back of Gamzee's neck, lightly gripping the highblood's curly hair. 

Gamzee thought his heart would stop completely when Tavros gently nudged his bulge to the wet warmth of his mouth, his tongue pressed soft against the sensitive flesh. Whining, Gamzee rocked gently against Tavros, almost humping his matesprit's face. He leaned forward until his head hung over the back of the wheelchair, letting blood and spit drip from his fangs and lips, shaking all over. Tavros had done this for him many times but each breathtaking time took him by surprise. After all, why should a troll as beautiful and important as Tavros feel the need to give him something so sweet, so good? It didn't make much sense, but he certainly wasn't going to complain. 

Tavros was moving with him, one arm wrapping around the highblood's legs in an effort to keep him from getting unbalanced, the ease of long practice keeping Gamzee safely unbitten. Shutting his mouth in an attempt to stem the flow of drool and blood, Gamzee weakly managed to look down at Tavros. His eyes were half shut, genetic material ran from the corners of his mouth, and when Gamzee gave an involuntary gasp of pleasure a look of happiness crossed his face. Gog, could he make anything look beautiful?

Again letting his head hang down and his blood run freely to the floor, Gamzee weakly reached down and awkwardly wrapped his arm half way around Tavros' head, shivers gripping his whole body. The lowblood was purring, a low vibration that scattered any rational thought Gamzee had managed to scrap together. Whimpering, shaking, unable to make his eyes focus, Gamzee pushed his fingers into Tavros' thick stripe of hair and clung to him as best he could, half believing that it was only his matesprit that kept him from simply shuddering into pieces. 

Gamzee could feel his end coming but his thoughts were too scattered to realize that that's what the increasing sensitivity of his bulge meant. Every time Tavros went down on him sent a greater spike of pleasure through Gamzee's body then the one before and he was helpless to stop the moans that spilled out with the drool pooling on the floor. Then, with a soft, weak cry of pure ecstasy, he finished just as Tavros took all of him, lips pressed to grey skin. Panting and trembling, Gamzee slumped in Tavros' lap, whining softly as the pain of his battered legs came back to him. 

"I know, I know..." Tavros licked his lips clean and started to kiss Gamzee gently, on his face, neck, and shoulders, gently rubbing the bruises on Gamzee's body with the utmost care. "I'm sorry about your legs..."

"S'alright..." It always happened, the steady buildup of layers of bruising, and Tavros always apologized for it. But Gamzee really didn't mind. A few bruises didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, with the grand scheme being Tavros' pleasure. 

Then he remembered his conversation with Dirk earlier. 

"Hey, Tavvy, guess what?"

"Hmm..." Tavros wrapped his arms around Gamzee, holding the highblood close and running his hand up and down the big troll's spine. "Gasp! We're pregnant."

"Close, but no."

"Ooh, I'm already close. Okay, let's see..." Tavros turned his head a bit and absentmindedly ran one of his horns along both of Gamzee's. "The Rolling Stones are on tour again?"

"No, but you're getting closer." Gamzee shifted in Tavros' lap, kind of wishing his matesprit wasn't wearing those annoying clothes. 

"Mmmm... Vine is back?"

"If only that were true," Gamzee lamented. "Naw, I just wanted to tell you that I kicked Jake and Dirk out, they don't live here no more."

Tavros smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "That was my next guess!" He gently pushed Gamzee back so he could see his face. "But why?"

"I just got tired of 'em. They can live in their own house once I build it, but before that, they can sleep in the woods. It'll probably do Jake some good to rough it." Gamzee rested one hand on Tavros' face, lovingly stroking the soft grey skin with his thumb. Tavros put his hand over Gamzee's, smiling. 

"Thank goodness... I've been trying to be optimistic about them but my Gog, they're exhausting..." Tavros shut his eyes, nuzzling his face against Gamzee's palm with a happy warble. "Or maybe I'm just a little too used to only having the company of a big old brute like you." His voice was thick with love and amusement and Gamzee purred, peppering his cheeks with kisses. 

"Maybe." Looking out the window, Gamzee was momentarily distracted by thoughts of where to cut trees for the new cabin. I'll have to start planting again, he decided. 

Tavros slapped him lightly on the side. "Go on then, get started with teaching Dirk, maybe punch a couple trees down."

Gamzee looked down at his matesprit, torn. "Are you sure you don't need me?"

"I'm sure." Tavros took Gamzee's face in his hands and kissed him deeply. "I'm fine Gamzee, you can go, I promise. Later though..." Tavros smirked at him, heat flickering in his dark brown eyes. "Later, I expect you to play with me. Okay?" His sweet voice was deceptively innocent and Gamzee shivered in anticipation. 

"Yes sir." 

After stumbling away and throwing on some random clothes, Gamzee kissed Tavros several more times, rough and needy, before waving goodbye and making his love-drunk way to where Dirk and Jake usually went. He could see Jake before he could see Dirk, the dark-haired man standing up and making excited arm movements. For once, it was happiness that formed his expression. More steady, Gamzee padded silently closer, spotting Dirk laying on the ground. He wasn't faking sleep like he usually did. His eyes were open and riveted on Jake's face, taking in his joy with open wonder, occasionally making some small motion to show he was still listening. When Gamze was close enough to make out the words, he realized Jake was describing the plot of a movie from long ago. 

"And then- and I thought this was a rather dandy turn of events- he decided to stay in his cat-clone-body forever! They kicked the humans out, the whole dastardly lot of them! And- Oh. G-Gamzee." Jake immediately shrunk into himself, tucking his arms close to his sides, his hands held protectively to his chest. Gamzee felt kind of guilty. 

"Hey, Jake." Gamzee ruffled the half-blind human's hair, careful not to hurt him. Dirk had gotten up and was glaring angrily at Gamzee, shifting to Jake's side. "Hey dumbass." Dirk jerked his head up once, as good of a greeting as he was going to get. 

Jake had relaxed a bit- he was ridiculously easy to reassure- and he managed to say, "Dirk said we can't live with you anymore...?"

"Naw, sorry little guy. But I wanna live with my matesprit in peace, you know?" He grinned big enough that Jake could see it. "But I'll help you build your own house and then you'll have a place again."

"Really?! Well, doesn't that sound just tickety-boo!" Jake grinned at Dirk and Dirk managed to smile back. Gamzee wondered who taught that child words. 

"Well, come on. Let's go find a spot to lay the foundations and then you tell me where you want the rooms and how much you want of each, all that stuff." Gamzee turned to lead the way back up the gentle incline that lead to his home, passing it with Jake and Dirk on his heels, going closer to the edge of the trees in his small clearing. "I can take out a few trees by the edge, of course, if you end up needing more space."

Jake flounced past him, skipping into his view. Gamzee worried briefly that the human would trip and kill himself. Dirk followed more slowly, intentionally hitting Gamzee with his shoulder as he passed. He went to Jake's side and Gamzee saw him murmur something, but it was too quiet to hear. Jake seemed surprised, but after a moment he gave a tiny nod and Dirk reached up to cup the other man's cheek, leaning forward to kiss him. It was gentle and went no farther than their lips, but when he pulled away every line of Dirk's face showed pure joy. Jake seemed shook. 

Gamzee suppressed a snicker. Looks like Dirk-a-Dirk was already taking his advice. 

"Now, how do you want our house to look?" Dirk rubbed Jake's arm once before letting it drop back to his side. His words chased away the lingering stillness of shock and Jake started to hop about again, far more excited than Gamzee felt was necessary. 

"I don't want it to be all squareish, squares aren't spiffy at all! Let's put the rooms together all weird! Can some be taller than the others?" Jake turned to Gamzee, eyes wide and unfocused. 

Gamzee shrugged, doubting Jake could even see the motion. "Probably, but it'll take longer. And it'll be ugly as shit." Dirk shot him a glare, but Jake didn't seem bothered by Gamzee's prediction. 

"That's alright old chap! We've got all the time in the world, eh Dirk?" Jake jumped Dirk, wrapping all his limbs around the other man and almost sending them both crashing to the grassy earth beneath them. 

"Uf! Yep... Anything you want, Jake." Dirk's arms were pinned to his sides, but he tipped his head to lay it against Jake's. He looked at Gamzee, his eyes soft, an expression of amazement lingering in his gaze. He mouthed the words  _thank you_ and Gamzee shrugged uncomfortably. It was weird, being thanked by Dirk. 

"Whatever..." The highblood cracked his knuckles, forcing away all thoughts of Dirk by focusing on the task ahead of him. "Let's just get started."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, I've been occupied with finally being able to drive on my own


	19. Weaker Than Before

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

The dull sound of his bare fist striking wood reverberated through Gamzee's body again and again, his teeth aching from being ground together. Purple blotches had begun to show through the wrappings on his hands and, with a final swing, he decided that this would be the last of the day. The tree he beat against gave a sharp crack, then a deep, loud groan, and Gamzee wondered, not for the first time, if the tree could feel itself dying. He didn't like to think about that too much. 

It crashed to the earth, branches whipping, leaves scattering to carpet the ground. Rubbing his sore shoulders, Gamzee crouched, grumbling at the pain as his bruised thighs were stretched, and getting a grip on the felled tree, hauling it to his shoulder and dragging it behind him. When he emerged from the forest, Dirk turned to look at him and Jake waved. With each breath a harsh exhalation of pain, Gamzee forced his twitching legs forward, taking the soft incline with as much grace as he could manage, shrugging the lumber onto a pile of others. 

Dirk, large knife in hand, gave him a terse nod and continued with the job he'd been given- stripping the trees Gamzee felled of all their branches. Jake, who had been busily removing the bristling hunks of broken wood where the tree had been attached to its stump, jumped up and stumbled/ran to Gamzee's side. "Tally ho, old boy! You really are something, you know that?" The man patted/slapped one of Gamzee's arms and the muscle spasmed weakly. 

"Mmhmm. How are you two getting along?" Gamzee painfully rubbed at his arms, thinking wistfully of Tavros' skilled hands working away his cramps. 

"Right good, I'd say!" Skipping ahead, occasionally stumbling on something he was too blind to see, Jake seemed an endless fountain of energy, all his shaking reservedness vanishing beneath the light of Gamzee's gentle toleration. Running into a pile of discarded branches, his feet getting tangled up, Jake started to fall, squealing pathetically. Dirk caught him, getting him to his feet and letting go quickly. 

The blond glanced at Gamzee and for a second his eyes were like blank walls. As bright and flat as a flower's petal. Then a chink appeared in his shell and with obvious effort, he forced his feelings to show. Dislike and grudging admiration. Gamzee grinned, putting his hands to his hips as the searing pain dulled to a pleasurable throb.

"I take it you two've been working hard? No..." Gamzee looked pointedly at Jake's crotch. "Distractions?"

Jake, close enough to see the look, stumbled over and shoved Gamzee's shoulder, used enough to his black flirting to be unbothered by the insinuations. "Oh, stop it you!"

Gamzee gave a soft rumble of assent, in too good a mood to put up much of a fight. Gog, but it was good to work again within reach of Tavros. Being able to run with his full speed, to be able to destroy something with his bare hands and haul a great weight on his shoulders, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that his body was capable. He never felt prouder of his scars than in times like this, feeling that the marks showed his strength and power. And then, at the end of the day, with the sun setting and the sky settling gently into pink, orange, red, shifting ever so slowly into a deep, endless black, he could make his weary way home and fall into his matesprit's arms, as certain of the strength of their love as he was in the strength of his shoulders. 

Jake hooked his pinkie with Gamzee's and the big troll let the human lead him to view their work. 

"Dirk's almost got this one done- see?- and I'm about halfway there at the bottom! I'll cut off the thinner top bit then, like you said, but look! Look how flat I managed to get it!"

Gamzee crouched, growling softly at himself, and ran his hands over the trunk's end, brushing the line where Jake's careful work ended and the jagged show of his work began. Gently, he turned his head, ducking it slightly so that his horn bumped against Jake's stomach. "You did good, Halfsight." And indeed he had. Being forced to get close to see it had ended up working to Jake's advantage as the plane of wood was as smooth as a saw-toothed blade could get it. Jake puffed up with pride, grinning broadly. 

Stading up straight, pulling his shirt over his head and using it to wipe the sweat from his brow, Gamzee looked up at the sky, pondering the bright blue. The sun had already slid below the trees, but the absence of different color spoke of a few more hours for work. They'd been at it for three days, with Gamzee beating down trees and digging up stumps while Jake and Dirk did their stripping of branches and evening of ends. Gamzee had also carefully mapped out where the first room was to be built, planning on adding to it however Jake wanted once he got a roof over their heads. He made his sore way there, instructing Jake to continue his own work when he tried to follow. Foundation poles stuck a bit up from the ground, all that was left of the long, sturdy trunks, as thick as his arm, driven deep into the earth to keep the house from getting blown away. Gog, but that had been an exhausting two days of nothing but digging and digging and digging until the poles could be placed, leaving the Routine to Jake and Dirk. The memory of those hot hours, a mere day ago, sent another spasm of pain through his muscles. He kicked at them, satisfied when they didn't budge. 

Rolling his neck, rubbing his fist against the small of his back, Gamzee returned the way he'd come, refusing to limp despite the weakness in his legs. He patted Jake on the head as he passed, pretending not to notice the look Dirk sent him, the blond's face burning red, though from sunburn and not any kind of embarrassment. Gamzee continued into the blessed shade of the close growing trees, purring briefly as some of the heat left his hair. He went to what was left of the tree he'd just felled, cracking his neck and falling to his knees, burying his throbbing hands into the earth around the base of the stump. 

Handful by handful he pawed the dirt back, circling the stump and digging a moat against it, occasionally pausing to press his shoulder to the stump and push against it with his entire weight, hoping for it to shift. By the time the world started to get dark Gamzee had only just gotten the stump to wiglgle.

With a groan, Gamzee stood, wincing from the pain in his stiffened muscles. With no one there to see him, Gamzee limped heavily, panting harshly and whimpering in self-pity. When he got to the creek he practically fell in it, barely managing to work up the energy to unwind the scraps of cloth from his hands and scrub his knuckles free of blood and dirt. Weakly, he ran his hands through his hair, his whole head underwater, doing what he could to clean it without any kind of soap. Satisfied, he got up, his pants soaked, and waddled home, wriggling out of his wet clothes before pushing open the door just in time to hear Tavros laugh. 

Purring, almost giving out from relief, Gamzee stumbled to the kitchen, sparing Jake and Dirk nary glance as he fell against Tavros, smiling softly as the lowblood managed to lift him completely off the floor and tuck him into his lap. "Hey, Tavvy..."

"Hey, Gamz." Tavros' hands were on his arms, gently working the painful stiffness away, and Gamzee's breath came out in a shuddering sigh. 

"'Ey, Tavvy!" Jake chirped and Gamzee felt Tavros freeze for just a second. Gamzee made a mental note to get Jake to stop using that nickname.

"Y-Yes, Jake?" Tavros resumed his careful massage. 

"Where'd you learn to do that? The uh... Squish thing."

Dirk laughed, a sound that had become increasingly common. "Massage?"

"Yes." 

Tavros took a moment to kiss Gamzee's busted hands before answering. "Gamzee taught me how."

"Oh... Well, alright, but how'd he learn?" Did Jake never stop talking? Gamzee just wanted to sleep...

"Someone else taught him." Precious Tavvy. So sweet and perfect. His answer made Dirk snort. 

The three continued to talk, but the noises were getting peculiarly unfocused, becoming messy blurs of sound with no discernible shape or meaning. Gamzee felt Tavros hold him closer and then he fell asleep. 

\---

Tavros felt Gamzee relax and he knew he'd fallen asleep. Gently, he shifted his grip on the tall troll so he would be comfortable, bending his head to kiss Gamzee's hair. 

"He really loves you, you know." Tavros looked up at Dirk. The blond was looking determinedly at the floor. 

Tavros nodded. "I know."

But Dirk wasn't done with just that. "The way he talks about you, it's like nothing I've ever heard of. Those romance movies Jake used to send me are about all the experience I have with red romance, but him?" Dirk gestured to Gamzee, snoring quietly. "I can still say with certainty that he's in a class all his own. The tone in his voice, the look in his eyes, it just screams worship. Literally. He sees you as above everything, the reason for Creation, the source of all life. I don't know if that means he's just got a big heart or if there's something wrong with him."

Tavros ran his thumb over Gamze's cheek, love for his matesprit battling with mortification that Gamzee talked like that about him to others. "H-He's got qu-quite an imagination..."

Dirk stood up and stretched. He went around the table and put his hand on Tavros' shoulder. "I don't mean that as anything bad. I just..." Dirk's eyes darted towards Jake for a second. Lowering his voice, he whispered, "I guess I just wish I had that too." Before Tavros could respond, Dirk turned away and went back to Jake, gently ushering the man out of the room. Tavros heard the front door open and shut. 

He sat there for a long while, thinking. I'm his arms, Gamzee gasped softly, twitching and shivering. Tavros rocked him, murmuring sweet nothings and kissing his face until he quieted. Carefully, Tavros started to make his way to the bedroom, pausing to hold his hand out to a shaft of moonlight, his skin appearing silver in the pale illumination. 

_He sees you as above everything, the reason for Creation, the source of all life._

_You're life, Tavros. Nothing can live without you, because you're life._

Tavros withdrew his hand and rolled the last few feet to the room's door, nudging it open and moving inside, not bothering to shut it behind him. "Gamzee." He nudged the highblood, trying to wake him enough to get him into bed. "Gamzee, come on."

Those beautiful purple eyes flickered open, already soft with love before he was even awake enough to focus. "Tavros."

"Gamzee." A sudden, fierce need exploded in Tavros' chest like living being of fire, curling through around his bones and through his veins. He tightened his grip on his matesprit, kissing Gamzee hard on the mouth. He felt Gamzee's hand curl into a fist in his shirt, half-asleep but still doing his best to reciprocate. They separated, Tavros giving a soft gasp. Gamzee was blinking away his sleep, though he was still extremely tired. Tavros looked into his weary, bloodshot eyes and wished he could put words together like Gamzee could, wished he could tell Gamzee how much he loved him, how deep his adoration truly went. 

"Gamzee, I..." Tavros put his hands to Gamzee's cheeks, kissing him again as he fumbled for a way to make the words go. What would be right? What would make sense to Gamzee? How did Gamzee think? And then he had it. Nothing as grand as what Gamzee could spin, just a line from a song really, but it was enough. Gamzee would know. 

Pulling away just enough to be able to speak, Tavros whispered, "Gamzee Makara, you are the heart of my temple of thought."

The fatigue in Gamzee's eyes vanished benathed the sun-bright glow of his happiness, his whole body lighting up with a joy purer than anything Tavros had ever seen. "Tavros." His deep, wonderful voice cracked, happy tears running slowly down his cheeks as he weakly kissed Tavros, held up by Tavros' supporting hand on the back of his head. 

"Let's get to bed," Tavros whispered, unwilling to go any further. Much more and the steady burn of his need would flare bright enough for Gamzee to see and Tavros knew that Gamzee would rather die than leave him wanting. 

Grumbling softly, Gamzee got to his feet and stood for a second, eyes unfocused and staring at nothing. He swayed and Tavros reached out, terrified that Gamzee would fall. But the purpleblood regained his balance and attempted to pick Tavros up, stopping only when Tavros firmly ordered him to go to bed this instant. "I can move myself, thank you very much." Gamzee obeyed, as Tavros knew he would, but he grumbled the whole time, the noise only silenced when he passed out immediatly upon laying down. 

Amazed at the resilience of his matesprit, Tavros quietly began to take off his clothes, unbuttoning his shirt and shrugging it off, struggling with his pants for a few minutes, doing his hardest to remain silent. When he finished he rolled his wheelchair closer to the bed and got a firm grip on the arm rests, pushing his whole, half-dead body off the chair and swinging himself onto the bed with a huff. Dragging his legs up after himself, he pushed his body up the bed till he could tug the covers out from beneath himself and maneuver himself in them, giving a sigh of relief when it was all said and done. Gamzee almost immediately rolled over and latched onto him, snoring lightly. 

Tavros wrapped his arms around Gamzee, holding him close and hoping he wouldn't have another night terror. 

~~~

Tavros woke before Gamzee. That wasn't usually how it went. Weak from sleep, Tavros raised his head enough to see Gamzee, curled against him, his strong legs tucked beneath Tavros' worthless ones, his head on the lowblood's chest.

Laying back down, his eyes refusing to stay open, Tavros started to run one hand through Gamzee's wild curls, managing a few seconds of shaky purr. He loved Gamzee's hair. He hadn't cut it in so long and it just kept getting longer, framing that beautiful face in midnight locks, tumbling across his shoulders and down his back. Not bothering to look, just feeling his way, Tavros shifted both hands to Gamzee's head and started to make tiny braids. The highblood was still sleeping by the time Tavros finished, the back of his head looking like a porcupine from all the tiny braids sticking up like quills. Laughing weakly, Tavros rubbed Gamzee's hair flat again, gently working the strands into a thick plait. 

Then he woke up. Purple eyes glazed with exhaustion he looked up at Tavros and for a moment Tavros had the sickening feeling that Gamzee did not know who he was. Then some of the fogginess broke up and he smiled shakily. "Hey..." He tried to push himself up but he fell back down, trying to keep down a sound of pain. 

Alarmed, Tavros held Gamzee down, watching the pain that flickered in the highblood's eyes. "Gamzee? What's wrong?" 

"I can't.. I can't make me..." He shifted in Tavros' grip, barely anything at all really, but it was enough that he gasped in pain. There was panic in his eyes, and rage, so much burning, blinding rage, and for the shortest of moments Tavros was afraid. There was something dark behind Gamzee's eyes, something truly terrible. Lips pulled back to show his massive fangs, Gamzee said, deep and even, "Why won't my motherfucking body listen to me?"

"Oh, Gamzee." Tavros held Gamzee close for a second, pretending like he couldn't feel the troll's sharp teeth pressing against his skin. Then, slowly, he pushed Gamzee back, easing the big man onto his stomach and running his hands along his body. Every muscle on him was taut as wire, tense to the point of hardness, occasionally spasming. The big idiot had locked himself all up. "You stupid oaf," Tavros murmured lovingly, getting himself into a sitting position. "You overworked yourself, Gamzee. Your muscles locked up, every one. I didn't know that was even possible."

Gamzee blubbered something pathetic-sounding, unashamed to cry in front of his matesprit. Quietly murmuring words of encouragement, Tavros began to work his way on top of Gamzee, sitting at the other troll's tailbone and cracking his knuckles. "Gamzee, this is going to hurt. Okay? It's going to hurt but then it won't hurt so much anymore. Okay?"

"O-O-Okaaaaaaay..." Gamzee's head was turned to the side, his cheek pressed to the bed. One purple eye looked up at Tavros, all his rage gone. The only emotions that lit that deep violet gaze was pain, confusion, and trust.

Tavros took a deep breath, put his hands to Gamzee back, and pushed. Gamzee roared, kicking his legs on impulse, his roar turning high pitched in pain as his leg muscles mutinied. Tavros grit his teeth, blocking out his lover's screams of agony, focusing on nothing but the push and press of his palms against hard muscle, working away some of the tension, methodically easing the pain. Gamzee stopped screaming and flailing but he still shook, hiccoughing and mewling, weak noises that were somehow so much worse. Tavros refused to acknowledge them. He got one of Gamzee's arms in his grip and was just starting to rough away the hardness when Dirk burst in, long hair wild with sleep. 

"What. The. Shit." The human was standing lightly on the balls of his feet, a huge knife in his hand. Clearly he had come prepared to defend. 

Tavros hissed, suddenly fiercely angry at Dirk. He was the one that pushed Gamzee to this, made him work until his own body rebelled against him. Hands still working, Tavros growled low in his chest as Dirk came closer, the human's stance relaxing as he realized there was no danger. His orange eyes flicked down to Tavros' needle-sharp teeth, wisely stopping out of reach. "Hey there, buddy. What's up?"

Tavros spit at him, glowering.  _"What's up,_ is that your stupid, worthless, dead-weight, human ass made Gamzee work like a  _fucking pack-mule_ until his body  _locked up completely!"_

Dirk took a half-step back, clearly surprised at the sheer fury that radiated off Tavros' broken body. He held his hands up in surrender, still gripping his knife. "That ain't fair, now. I never asked him to do anything. He did all that of his own volition."

"For you," Tavros spat. Beneath him, Gamzee was silent, determined to show no pain in front of his kismesis. Tavros had to grit his teeth for a second to keep himself from just throwing his whole body at Dirk in a desperate effort to take down what hurt his Gamzee. "Get out," he growled, kneading and pushing at Gamzee's shoulders. Dirk didn't move.  _"Got out NOW you brainless excuse of a man!"_ Tavros could feel the tears coming like they always did when he got too mad and Gamzee growled weakly, trying to defend him. 

Dirk ducked his head and backed away just as Jake trotted in, no doubt brought by Tavros' screeched words. "Tavvy? Dirk?"

"C'mon, Jakey." Dirk spoke softly, turning away and leading Jake back out the door. "We're working alone today, okay?"

"Oh. Okay then."

The second that door closed Gamzee gave a choked sob. "It hurts, Tavvy, it hurts real bad."

"I know, baby, I know..." Tavros pushed himself backwards, getting one of Gamzee's legs and attempting to loosen the muscles in his haunch, forcing himself to forget about Dirk and Jake completely. "Gog, Gamzee, how hard did you push yourself?"

"I just... I didn't... I've done more before, I don't know why..." Gamzee whimpered. 

Tavros sighed. "Gamzee... I know you don't want to hear it, but-"

"I hate it when you say that," Gamzee murmured. "It's always something-" he gasped in pain, "-r-real bad."

"Gamzee..." Tavros moved to work the other leg. "Gamzee, what you've done to yourself, what you've put in your body for sweep after sweep, it's... It's made you a lot weaker. You aren't as strong as you were before." Gamzee was silent for a moment, save for his quiet sounds of pain. 

Then, through tears, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby, it's okay." Tavros dragged himself off of Gamzee, got his hands under the big troll's body. "You don't have to- I have to flip you okay?- don't have to be sorry." With a grunt of effort, Tavros flipped Gamzee onto his back, the movement causing Gamzee to hiss. Tavros pulled himself back up, sitting on Gamzee's hips with his hands on the highblood's chest. 

Gamzee looked away, refusing to meet Tavros' eyes. "Yeah, I do. I hurt you Tavros, I hurt you real bad. Every day I came home not even being able to see straight-" he let out a wail of pain, his body finally starting to relax, "-every t-time I chose that damn drug over you, I-I hurt you. I though I needed it Tavvy, I really did, I thought I had to have it." He was crying hard, not just from the pain in his body. "I had you, I had  _you,_ how could I have ever needed anything else? And now I'm broken, so damn broken, weak as a human and it's my own damn fault." He pushed himself up despite Tavros' protests, growling softly from pain as he sat and wrapped his arms around Tavros, pressing the lowblood almost desperately to his chest. "I wish I could stop," he whispered. "I hate it so much, so so much, why can't I stop Tavvy? Why can't I stop?"

Tavros returned his matesprit's hug, glad that Gamzee could move again but torn apart by the highblood's words. "I don't know, Gamzee. I don't know."

The big troll held onto him for a long time, long after his tears ran dry and his hiccups stopped. When he did eventually let him go, he laid back down and closed his eyes without meeting Tavros' gaze. "I'm tired now," he whimpered.

Tavros laid next to him, holding him when he inevitably cuddled against his side. Shivers and spasms still wracked Gamzee's body and Tavros wondered how far he would have had to push himself to get to this point, for his body to almost rip itself apart. Gently, his ran his thumb over Gamzee's busted knuckles. "Three days," Tavros murmured. "Did you ever slow down?"

"Not once," Gamzee murmured, hiding his face against Tavros' chest. "I just wanted to be done. I just wanted to be done and to be back home with you."

Tavros ducked his head and kissed Gamzee's hair, gently messing with the braid it was still pulled into as the highblood slowly drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

~~~

The next time Gamzee woke he was able to sit up and stretch carefully, each movement making him wince but not incapacitating him. He grinned stupidly at Tavros. "See Tavvy, I'm just fine."

Tavros relaxed a bit then, some of the worry leaving him. He reached forward and made Gamzee lay back down, running his hands over the highblood's body, feeling his overworked muscles, occasionally massaging a place that needed it. Gamzee's skin was soft beneath his palms and he threaded his fingers through the spaces between his matesprit's scars, taking a moment to just look at him. He ran his thumb over a scar on Gamzee's stomach and purred softly, bending down to brush his lips against it. Gamzee shivered, murmuring quietly under his breath and laying one hand over Tavros'. "T-Tavvy?"

"Mm?" Tavros kissed his stomach again, lower this time. 

"I don't th-think now's the best time f-for..." Gamzee made a muffled sound of want and Tavros purred, very much enjoying the sound. 

"Is that so?" Tavros shifted lower, pulling his legs out of the way. He was so close that Gamzee could feel every breath he took brush against his skin. Slowly, gently, Tavros pressed his lips to the line in Gamzee's flesh that marked the hiding place of his bulge. Gamzee groaned, his hand curling weakly around Tavros'. Tavros felt something shift down there, but it stayed in hiding and the lowblood chuffed softly, tipping his head a bit and pushing his tongue past the soft flaps of skin till it touched Gamzee's bulge inside. 

Gamzee yipped softly, his bulge finally wriggling out into the open. Tavros purred briefly, running one hand up the bulge's slick surface. "There you are~"

"C-Come on now Tavvy, you ain't gotta do nothing like that..."

Tavros laughed and kissed Gamzee's thigh. "Silly troll. Haven't you figured out yet that I like it?"

Gamzee's face flushed purple and he grabbed a pillow to hide it, already shaking. 

Tavros hummed softly and kissed the base of Gamzee's bulge, running his tongue along its length, one hand rubbing slowly up and down. Carefully, Tavros nudged Gamzee's legs apart and managed to get himself curled up between them, continuing his treatment with steady gentility. Gamzee's shakes died down a bit and his whole body relaxed, though he still hid his face beneath a pillow. 

Tavros kissed it again and said, "Do you want me to?" Gamzee squeezed Tavros' hand and nodded. "Okay then." 

Being careful not to let any of his sharp teeth touch Gamzee's sensitive flesh, Tavros took what he could of Gamzee's bulge, purring at the sweet taste of his beloved matesprit. His hand rubbed and touched what his mouth couldn't hold, warm genetic fluid running over his fingers and onto the sheets beneath, adding yet another layer to the heavy staining. Gamzee muttered something into his pillow that Tavros was unable to hear. 

Tavros moved slow and gentle, doing his best to touch Gamzee in a way that wouldn't make his body want to tense up. He glanced up, expecting Gamzee to still be hiding, but half the highblood's face was peeking out from behind his pillow, his head raised up just enough to look. Tavros did his best to smile past the bulge in his mouth and Gamzee laughed, low and deep, laying his head back with a soft and brief purr. 

Tavros hummed softly, refocusing on his current task. The lowblood knew his matesprit's body better than he knew his own self. He knew every place Gamzee liked to be touched, every soft spot on that beautifully scarred body, and the exact way he liked to be made love to, be it by hand, mouth, bulge, or nook. It wasn't terribly long before Gamzee gave a soft sigh, warm purple fluid flooding Tavros' mouth and coating his hand. Pulling away, he gently licked Gamzee clean before wiping his hand on the blankets and hauling his body up to where he slept, laying down and shutting his eyes. 

Purring softly, Gamzee pressed against him, affectionately rubbing his face against Tavros' side. A smile flickered across Tavros' face as he remembered the times when Gamzee's face was covered white with costume paint and yet, he would still rub himself on Tavros, earning a soft pat on the head and a few squealed words of surprise. Tavros could remember, with remarkable clarity, the stains that had blotched many of his shirts, white patches of discoloration. He always told himself that he would get rid of them as soon as he found the time to buy more. He never did seem to find the time. 

Gamzee started humming the gentle tune of an old song, holding on to Tavros as tight as he could manage without hurting himself. Tavros held him just as tightly, pulling himself from his memories of the past. The song Gamzee hummed was familiar and Tavros soon remembered the words. The barest smile still on his lips, Tavros sang.

"I had a thought dear, however sc~ary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end is 'Like Real People Do' by Hozier


	20. A Short Walk

Dirk wiped the sweat from his brow and stopped a moment to look at Jake. He had stopped his chore completely and was playing with the chips of wood, building a tiny house, bent low over the small structure to see it clearly enough for construction to continue. Part of Dirk wanted to tell him to get back to it. But he didn't. 

Rubbing at the back of his neck, aching from looking down for an hour or two, Dirk got to his feet and went over to Jake. The other man looked up, green eyes narrowed to emerald slits. His hands fidgeted nervously. "I was just... Um... I was about to-"

"It's okay." Dirk offered his hand and, after a moment, Jake took it and let Dirk haul him to his feet. "I'm tired of it too. Take a walk?"

"Alright." Jake gave him a strange look, like he was expecting some price to be added. Dirk turned and started to walk off before the look faded, if it did at all. Jake's footsteps followed close behind and he fell into step alongside Dirk as they entered the shade of the trees. 

Dirk cracked his neck and then his knuckles, stretching his arms over his head and wincing when the movement sent a sharp ache through the hand-shaped brusies on his hips and sides. Grumbling, rubbing at his injuries, Dirk absentmindedly tugged Jake back on path before he wandered into one of the covered pits Gamzee had hidden away in the trees. "Careful, Jake."

"What is it?" Jake shifted closer to him and Dirk slowed a bit to accommodate his boyfriend's shorter legs. 

"Pit trap."

"Oh."

Jake grabbed the back of Dirk's shirt after that, refusing to let go and trailing behind him like a line of elephants. Dirk didn't mind the setup. At least the steady pull of Jake's hand in his shirt assured him that the near-sighted man wouldn't wander off and get lost. But when Dirk felt's Jake's breath brush against the skin of his lower back he suddenly and deeply regretted not just taking Jake's hand. Before the blond could react, Jake had pulled his shirt up to his nipples, squeaking in shock at the green-purple-yellow bruises that patchworked his pale skin. "Dirk, what one earth-?"

Dirk jumped away from Jake's hands, pulling his shirt down and holding it there. "It's nothing Jake."

"It most certainly isn't no-"

"I  _said,"_ Dirk growled softly, a sound that had become reflex, "It's nothing."

Jake cowered like Dirk knew he would, immediately showing his belly and yielding and Dirk hated himself for making Jake afraid. 

_And be honest with him. Even if you hide from everyone else in the world, you have to give yourself to him, at least._

Dirk flinched at the memory of Gamzee's words. He knew he was ripping his own soul apart, flaying himself till he was nothing but a jagged mess of blood and pain. He deserved it. But Jake didn't. "Jake, I... I'm so sorry..." Tears were coming. Why did they come so much easier now? Dirk didn't like it, didn't like the way his vision blurred or the track of heat they left down his cheeks. Sniffing and wanting desperately to hide, Dirk tugged his shirt over his head and let Jake see the damage. He hid from everyone else in the world. He had to give himself to Jake, at least.

"My God..." Jake's tanned, calloused, oddly delicate hands laid over the bruises, dwarfed by them. Only one person around here had hands that big and it didn't take a genius to figure out how they got there. "You... You and..."

"Yeah..." Dirk felt oddly ashamed, like he'd been caught in an affair. But that didn't make any sense, he wasn't being unfaithful to Jake in any way, Jake had even given his permission! And yet... there was something in Jake's face that made Dirk realize at last that maybe he hadn't entirely meant it. "He didn't mean to... Do all this," Dirk mumbled in a half-assed attempt to defend his kismesis. And still Jake was silent. "I got him back pretty good though." He could feel it coming with the speeding of his heart, the  flood of words that he would be powerless to stem. 

Jake shifted closer and put his forehead to Dirk's chest. "Did he make you?"

Dirk almost missed Jake's words, so quietly were they said. "What?"

"Gamzee. Did he make you."

"No. God, no, Jake, he would never..." Awkwardly, uncertain as to how it would be taken, Dirk wrapped his arms around Jake. "He didn't make me do anything. He didn't hurt me, Jakey, I'm okay. It's just a coupla bruises." Jake's body relaxed against his own and it was only with the shift did Dirk realize that Jake had been gripping the hilts of both his pistols. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not. None of us are."

The hopelessness in Jake's voice chilled Dirk to the marrow of his bones. He held Jake tighter, his chin on the smaller man's head. He couldn't bring himself to ask Jake what he meant. 

\---

Jake heard Dirk's heart, beating harshly in his chest, slow to relax into a normal pace. He was so confused, so very very confused, and he didn't know what to do other than hide in the circle of Dirk's arms and pretend he couldn't tell that Dirk was still crying. Since when did Dirk cry? When did Dirk ask to hold him or kiss him? When did Dirk show so plainly on his face how true those five words, whispered in a drugged haze, had been? Jake thought he knew Dirk better than anyone else. He thought he knew how he felt about the person he thought he knew. But Dirk was changing, showing more, giving more, and it was so obvious that it was all for Jake's sake. 

Jake didn't know how he felt about Dirk anymore. But he did know that the sight of those bruises had wrenched his heart and stomach with a violent sort of nausea that he'd never before felt in all his thirty years of living. He wanted to hurt Gamzee back, wanted to see that big bastard bleed for hurting Dirk. Dirk said it was fine. It was okay. He wasn't hurt. It was all just fine. 

It was most certainly not just fine. But Jake still couldn't tell Dirk the truth. He wanted to kiss Dirk suddenly, a feeling he had had perhaps one other time in their years-long relationship, and so he did, not bothering to ask like Dirk had begun to, just looking up, standing on the tips of his toes, and pressing his lips to Dirk's. Dirk responded immediatly, his arms wrapping tighter around Jake, holding him closely and lovingly, bending down so the smaller man didn't have to strain. It was sweet and wonderful and it confused Jake all the more. 

There was a warm glow of love in Dirk's eyes when they parted and Jake could scarcely bare to look at it knowing that his own showed nothing but his own feeling of misplacement. The small part of him that still clung desperately to the fantasy of Tavros wanted to run to that crippled troll and feel safe in the aura of stability he gave off, to hide in the lowblood's solid strength. Jake desperately tried to strangle that small part, to force himself to be with Dirk, but it was so hard when his own head was pulling him in so many different directions. Don't think of Tavros, he told himself firmly. Let him go already. 

Dirk was still holding him, still looking at him with steady, patient love. Jake wondered what he'd done to earn such loyalty. God knew he hadn't given Dirk the same. He thought of Tavros again, but this time the memories held no warmth or comfort, just guilt, thick and burning. He wanted to hide so badly. "I... I need a minute."

"Okay." No argue, no demand to know where he was going or why, just gentle acceptance. Dirk let him go and Jake ran. 

Bolted might be a better word for it. Like a cornered hare. He wanted to run away from pain and discomfort and guilt, but those aren't exactly things you can run from. He ran, half stumbling on leafmold, moss, and loose sticks, leaving Dirk far behind, only skidding to a halt at the edge of the trees. Did I really run so far? Jake thought, walking slowly to the border and peeking out at the broken road that lay not to far away. Dully, he remembered walking that road, but the memories of that particular trip were fading fast. Probably for the best. 

He was just about to turn and walk back when he heard the voices. Terrified, Jake ducked behind a tree, thankful for his small frame and the leaves that let him look out in relative safety. A group of four, all humans, were walking down the road. Jake felt oddly happy to know that he and Dirk weren't the last of their kinds. For a split second he felt the urge to go forward and greet them, but fear for Tavros kept him rooted to the spot as they walked past, never noticing his presence. When they were out of sight, Jake turned and stumbled back. 

After quite a while, he made it to the place he'd left Dirk. Dirk was still there, laid out on the ground, his hands beneath his head. Jake laid down next to him, moving close even though he knew he didn't deserve anything from the blond. Dirk wrapped an arm around him, giving him a small squeeze and saying quietly, "Feel better?"

"I saw some people..." Dirk stiffened. Jake continued, "There were four of them, on that road past the trees."

"You didn't try to talk to them did you?"

Jake huffed. "Of course not."

"Good." Dirk's other arm laid over Jake and he relaxed. "'Cause people are shit, Jake. Total shit."

"Mmhmm..." Jake pressed his face to Dirk's ribs, not wanting to think about anything anymore. He was still confused about so many things, but he decided that his life's motto from this moment on would be "I'll think about it later." So he ignored his turmoil over Dirk, his desire to have Tavros, as well as the existance of other humans, and just told himself that he'd think about it later. Later. When he could bear it.


	21. Physical Therapy

"Tavros..."

Gog, it was so good when Gamzee moaned his name. Leaning forward, Tavros kissed his matesprit on the lips, forcing his tongue into the highblood's mouth and growling low in his throat in response to Gamzee's weak attempt to take control. Gamzee shivered, meekly giving Tavros the right to do anything he wanted. 

He never missed his legs so much as in times like this. 

Wishing desperately that he could pin Gamzee down, mount him, take him, make him  _scream,_ Tavros settled on just using the hand he didn't need to hold himself up with. It was so beautifully simple to make Gamzee whimper and mewl and shake. A quick rhythm, bordering on rough, had him like this, wriggling and gasping, unable and unwilling to do anything but give in. Something softer would make him purr or growl, and he'd rub his face against Tavros' chest and try to lick his face. Something in between and he'd try to touch him back, but his hands would be shaking and it would be hard for him to get Tavros' pants off if he'd left them on, hard for him to remember to move if he hadn't, and he'd end up just holding him, his thumb weakly stroking the dripping bulge, brown fluid running down his arm. 

How wonderful to know exactly what Gamzee would do no matter what he did to him. Made it much easier to take care of himself while Gamzee was away. 

Pulling away to breathe, Tavros ducked his head to kiss Gamzee's throat, thankful that sweeps of working his upper body gave him the strength to hold himself up on one arm this long. The mark Tavros had left on the highblood's neck had started to fade, so he made a point of making it far more prominent than when it had first been placed. Tavros glanced up and saw that Gamzee's jaw was clenched in his effort to keep back whatever noise was fighting to get free, breathing hard through his nose and shaking all over. Tavros kissed his throat again, feeling Gamzee's pulse throb against his lips. "Let it out," he murmured against that perfect grey skin. "Let it out."

Tossing his head back, his horns carving deep grooves in the headboard, Gamzee howled like an animal, arching his back, his legs half lifting off of the bed as he came, melting back against the blankets with a goofy smile as the initial climax faded and the aftershocks sent little shivers through him. Tavros purred, bringing up his fluid-coated hand to cup Gamzee's cheek as he kissed him, slow and gentle. 

"I love you, Tavvy," Gamzee murmured when they parted. "But you don't have to get it on my face like that."

Tavros laughed and licked the smears of purple off Gamzee's cheek, his purr deepening till he could scarcely speak for the strength of it. "I love you too, Gam. But yes, I do."

Gamzee just chuffed and scooped him up, cradling him gently. Vaguely, Tavros felt Gamzee kiss along one of his horns and he smiled, wondering what Gamzee saw to love in those inconveniences that grew from the side of his head. Then Gamzee kissed the side of his head where the hair had already grown into short fuzz, slowly kissing down, brushing his ear, following his jawline, lingering along the curve of his thoat. Tavros wondered what Gamzee saw when he looked at him, a cripple that was only one up from the lowest blood he could be. How could anything about him be as beautiful as Gamzee claimed? Tavros turned his head a bit, just enough to see the soft waves of Gamzee's horns and he reached up to trace one. I wonder, Tavros thought, if Gamzee knows how beautiful  _he_ is. 

~~~

Tavros finished the last book in the series Gamzee had brought him and carefully sat it down on the arm of the chair, staring out into space for a moment as the last scenes rolled slowly through his mind. He picked it back, opened to the last page, and reread the last few lines again before shaking his head in an effort to return to reality. He'd been reading for several hours, but he didn't know exactly how many, and coming back from that long was tough sometimes. 

"You finished it?"

Tavros jumped a bit at Gamzee's voice and looked down, blinking in shock to see that Gamzee was still sitting on the floor in front of the couch, gently making Tavros' legs move in an attempt to keep away muscle atrophy. "Gamzee Makara!" Tavros sat his book down for the second time. "Have you been down there the whole time? I told you, you need to rest!"

"I'm fine, quit worrying!" Gamzee shrugged and Tavros could tell that even that small movement hurt him. "It ain't like your legs weigh too much and I should've been doing this a lot more recently. A couple aches don't mean nothing."

Choosing not to comment on Gamzee's bad English, Tavros just leaned down and helped Gamzee stand, raising a brow when the big troll winced and groaned, joints popping. "Okay... Maybe it's more than a couple of aches," he conceded. Tavros sighed. 

Hauling himself into his wheelchair, he held out his arms and Gamzee gratefully crawled in his lap, slumping against him as he pushed them both across the room and to the front door. Gamzee opened it. Together, they rolled across the earth, Tavros gritting his teeth as the extra weight of a highblood made the soft incline seem near-impossible to scale. They reached the place of Dirk and Jake's home and Tavros whistled, impressed. "Wow, Gamzee."

Gamzee ducked his head in embarrassed pride. "I did good, right?"

Tavros kissed his head and wrapped his arms around him. "So very, very good."

"Hey! Babe!" Dirk's voice rang out suddenly and Tavros turned to look at him, still not too happy with the light-haired human. Dirk trotted closer and, upon seeing the expression on Tavros' face, grinned sheepishly and said, "Sorry. Wrong time. I get it. Hey, Tavros."

"Hi, Dirk." 

"Hello, Tavvy."

Oh Gog, Jake. "Mmhmm." Tavros glanced at the human uncomfortably, not liking the glow in his green eyes. Tavros wrapped his arms tight around Gamzee. The big troll's eyes were narrowed at Dirk, the beginning of a snarl tugging at his lip. 

Dirk swaggered over and grabbed Gamzee by the horns, getting so close that they were almost kissing and growling low in his chest, dull teeth bared. Jake shifting and Tavros watched him as his green eyes flickered over Dirk. There was pain in those eyes, pain and confusion and loss. Tavros allowed himself a moment of hesitant hope that Jake was focusing on Dirk now. It would be very nice to not be the human's object of affection. 

Eventually, with Dirk showing no signs of giving in, Tavros had to swat the blond away, hugging Gamzee to his chest and hissing. Dirk raised his brows in mock surprise, one hand on his chest. "OwO! What's this? Tavros-Chan, you wound me."

Tavros rolled his eyes. "Good."

"Damn bro. Harsh." Dirk put his hands on his hips, all sass and fire. Then Jake, looking like he was about to just fall apart from nerves, gently wrapped one arm around Dirk's waist. The tough human practically melted, his orange eyes glowing with affection. Jake didn't seem to like touching Dirk too much at first and he almost flinched away from Dirk's clear love. Tavros wondered how humans had continued as a species if their couples were like these two. 

Messing with the end of Gamzee's braid, Tavros wondered what it would be like to feel like Jake apparently did. To dread the moment Gamzee came home because he would expect to be hugged, to frantically search for some excuse to get out of the room Gamzee was in. Would he have lied and said his paralysis gave him no feeling in his bulge? What would it be like to pat Gamzee's arm in an effort to do the bare minimum required but be reviled by even that small touch? Try as he might, he couldn't picture it. It didn't make any sense to him. Gently, he brushed his hand against Gamzee's cheek and the highblood purred, sending pleasure and happiness through Tavros' blood. No, he didn't understand Jake at all. 

Dirk glanced over at them, envy and sadness in his eyes. Tavros understood that. 

Jake pressed closer to Dirk, apparently past his initial distaste. "When do you think you'll be able to help us again?"

Gamzee started to answer but Tavros put a hand over his matesprit's mouth and said, "He can work when I say he can work. Now why don't you two go on and work by yourselves." Holding Gamzee protectively against his chest, Tavros glared at the two humans with narrowed eyes. "He can't even walk, Jake, why are you already asking when you can work him as a slave again?"

Jake hid against Dirk's side and the taller man wrapped an arm around Jake's shoulders. "We did not work him like a slave, Tavros. I told you, he did all this without either of us asking."

"He did it for you." Tavros looked down at Gamzee. Apparently content to say silent until given expressed permission, he was looking up at Tavros, violet eyes soft with love. Tavros smiled and bent to kiss Gamzee gently. 

"WoHOA there." Dirk jumped into a fighting stance, causing Jake to give a quiet yip of surprise. "That's a little GAY buddy friend chum pal."

Tavros stuck his tongue out at Dirk. "Just go away already."

"Mmmm y'all gunna be effin' the second I'm outta sight, right? That's like, all you two do, isn't it?"

Tavros did not grace Dirk with a response. Turning, he wheeled away, ignoring Dirk's shouted words and stopping at the place where the house was soon to be built. "Gamzee?"

"Hmm?"

"Did it hurt?"

Gamzee looked down at the poles jutting up from the earth and Tavros knew he was debating whether or not to tell the truth. Tavros knew he would. He always did. "Yeah, brother. It hurt a whole awful lot."

"Oh baby." Tavros took one of Gamzee's hands and kissed the palm, kissed his newly busted knuckles. He continued to kiss at Gamzee's hands, making his way slowly down to the wrist and past, brushing his lips against the soft, scarred skin of Gamzee's arm. He pressed his lips against the crook of the highblood's elbow then continued on, working his way up to his matesprit's shoulder. Gamzee watched him the whole time, neither moving nor making any noise. Tavros kissed up his throat, barely brushed against the sharp curve of his jaw, eventually making it to Gamzee's ear. Purring softly, Tavros ran his tongue against the shell of the highblood's ear and murmured, "Do you want to give me a bath?"

Gamzee shivered, let out the whimpered he'd been holding in and weakly nodding his head. Still purring, continuing to press kisses against Gamzee's throat and face, Tavros made his way to the creek.

When they arrived, Gamzee gingerly stood, groaning in pain and attempting to stretch. Tavros started to in unbutton his shirt, watching as Gamzee hesitantly found the lengths his body was willing to go. Tavros shrugged his shirt off and folded it carefully, dropping it to the ground and starting on his pants.

"I got it, I got it..." Gamzee easily pulled Tavros' pants from his body, dropping them in a heap on top of his shirt. Tavros laid a hand on Gamzee's cheek for a second, just wanting to look at his face. Then he helped his stiff-muscled matesprit work his way out of his clothes, his purr deepening at the uncovering of all that pretty grey skin. 

"Gog, Gamzee, you look like a miracle." Tavros pressed his palm flat against Gamzee's stomach, feeling the big troll breathe. 

"Naw. I look like an addict." 

Tavros slapped Gamzee on the thigh. "Shut up. You are beautiful. Stupid and blind, apparently, but beautiful nonetheless."

Gamzee blushed and ducked his head. "Alright." His flush fading, Gamzee carefully lifted Tavros into his arms, whining softly in pain, and lowered the lowblood to the ground in the shallow edge of the creek. Tavros gently helped Gamzee sit beside him, rubbing worriedly at the highblood's twitching arm muscles. The spasms quickly subsided and Tavros sighed softly in relief. Then Gamzee started to touch him and he sighed for a different reason. 

Gamzee was always so gentle. His huge hands, always so much bigger than Tavros' own and still getting bigger, rubbed against his body with a care bordering on reverence. He cleaned Tavros like a priest cleaned his holy altar. Gamzee always started with Tavros' legs, rubbing away dirt, sweat, oil, genetic material and whatever else up from the most lifeless part of his body to where he could still feel. There was something, just the ghost of feeling, just below his knees, then, almost at his thighs, he could feel the difference between hot and cold, then at his thighs he could feel the beginnings of the almost rough texture of Gamzee's calloused hands, then further up, just beneath his groin, it almost felt like he wasn't injured at all. Almost. Then Gamzee slid one hand between Tavros' legs and the lowblood purred at his warmth, so different from the chill of the shaded water. His bulge didn't come free, he didn't know why, and Gamzee gently shifted on to his hips, rubbing circles on the soft skin, looking down at his matesprit with the purest love. "I love you."

Gamzee had quite a way with words. Tavros had never quite gotten the hand of weaving lines like his highblood had, had never mastered the art of turning word into beauty, and yet, no matter how eloquent a yarn Gamzee could spin it was sometimes the simple 'I love you' that sent Tavros into tears of unfettered joy. "I love you, tooooooooo!" Sobbing, weakly holding his arms up for a hug, Tavros tried to keep his snot from getting on Gamzee's shoulder. The highblood chuckled softly. 

"Never got why people said a crying face is ugly. You look all kinds of miraculous when you this happy."

Tavros heccing  _screeched_ his next batch of tears. 

Gamzee rubbed up and down his spine. "There you go, there you go... Get it out, baby, any way you gotta."

After a few minutes of wailing Tavros calmed down, his breath still a bit shuddery. "Thank you... I actually feel a lot better."

Gamzee grinned one of his big, goofy grins, the crooked kind that made his whole face glow and that made Tavros want to just have sex with him really really hard. Extremely hard. Tavros settled for grabbing that cute face and kissing it all over, reveling in the happy squeaks and warbles of his giant purpleblood matesprit. Gog, he was flawless. 

Still giggling and giving soft chirrups, Gamzee wiggled free, that same sweet grin on his face. Both purring, Gamzee took Tavros and shifted him carefully to the center of the creek where it was deepest, holding the lowblood carefully in his lap to make sure he was safe, running his hands across Tavros' body. Tavros hummed his appreciation, relaxing in Gamzee's grip and letting his thoughts wander with no real direction.  He remembered once, on his wriggling day, he'd awoken to find that Gamzee had called Tavros' work and asked if Tavros could stay with him, managing to beg a day off from Tavros' hard headed boss. He'd tried to make a cake but got confused halfway through and added Faygo instead of water before putting it all in pie dishes and not cake pans. Tavros had eaten it anyway. Gamzee had been thrilled. Then, on what humans called 'Christmas', Gamzee had, with his own two hands, make the ugliest teddy bear Tavros had ever seen. Tavros had absolutely adored it. He remembered the first time Gamzee had seen a grub being raised by human 'parents' instead of a lusus. The highblood, confused, had asked the couple why they'd stolen a grub from the beast it should be raised by. Far from offended, they had gently explained that the grub was theirs. That they chose the little yellowblood to be their daughter because no one else seemed willing to give troll orphans the love they deserved. They had offered to let Gamzee hold their little wriggler and Gamzee had shyly accepted, holding the tiny thing in his hands- they were so big, even then- and looking down at it with a quiet amazement. He remembered Gamzee waking up in the middle of the night, sobbing, shaking, and begging for forgiveness. "What is it?" Tavros had asked. "What is it that you want me to forgive you for?" He had only shaken his head and sobbed harder, hugging tight to Tavros' body until the sopor slime of their recuperacoon calmed him into sleep. He was such a good man, despite what so many people had tried to say. So what if he'd hurt a few people? Equius and Nepeta had both forgiven him. If they could understand that Gamzee had just been unwell, why couldn't everyone else? But it doesn't really matter anymore. They're certainly all dead by now. 

Gamzee gently lowered Tavros down till he could clean the lowblood's hair, doing his best with just his bare hands. The highblood knew how to make soap from animal fat, or something like that, but Tavros had learned his lesson long ago and refused to let Gamzee put anything that smelled as bad as that anywhere near his hair. The scent? It lingers. 

With a grunt of effort, Gamzee hauled himself to his feet, Tavros cradled in his shaking arms. "Gamzee, stop doing this to yourself," Tavros grumbled weakly, half-confused from his sudden shift from memory to reality. 

"It's alright, brother." Gamzee wheezed the words out, dropping Tavros into his wheelchair and leaning forward with his hands on the armrests. "It's... It's alright."

"Bullshit. Come here." Gamzee all but collapsed into Tavros' lap, shifting weakly till he was comfortable, his face pressed to the curve of Tavros' neck. "It's about that time."

Gamzee purred, deep and rumbling, and Tavros felt him smile. "Mmhmm." 

As a matter of fact, 'time' had already arrived. With the continued heat of summer, the fireflies had started to come out during the evenings. Though, some call them lightning bugs... And some trolls called them illumination insects. Whatever their name, the little things were welcomed by Tavros and Gamzee both. 

Rolling along the flat ground, pushing through the grass and the added weight of Gamzee, Tavros stopped a good bit behind their house, helping Gamzee down and getting himself to the ground beside him. Laying in the grass, Gamzee pressed against his side, still dripping water, Tavros watched the clouds as they made their slow way across the blue sky. He wondered how Dirk could stand having a matesprit that didn't love him. Then Gamzee shifted a bit, pressing even closer, and Tavros stopped thinking about anything but the warm body against his own. 

\---

Dirk wondered why Jake was trying so hard to be close. It was obvious to Dirk, by the look on Jake's face, the panic in his eyes, the twitch of his muscles as he fought the urge to flinch away, that Jake did not want to be touched. And yet, here he was, forcing himself to keep hold of Dirk's hand when he'd clearly rather just cut the hand off. 

Dirk liked it when Jake- or anyone, really- touched him. There was a part of him that always hurt, but that hurt seemed to relax a bit when there was a hand in his or arms around him or a lap to cushion his head. He didn't know why and he didn't need to know. He just knew that that's how it was. But he didn't want Jake to do this for his sake. 

"Jake..." Wide green eyes managed to focus on his face, close enough to see. "You don't have to-"

Jake was shaking his head almost frantically. "Please, don't, I..." He shifted closer, reluctance, fear, and a kind of determination on his face. "I don't want to be scared of you, Dirk, I don't..." Oh no, he was starting to cry. "I just want to be... I don't want... I..."

Jake was clearly struggling to figure out what it was that was inside of him that made him almost hate being loved. Dirk gently guided the shaking man into his arms, hugging him close. He let go when Jake flinched back, but then he pressed close again, shaking his head and crying. "Don't let go Dirk, please, it stops being so bad after a minute, so just don't let go, okay?" And so Dirk held him again, because that's what Jake asked him to do. He rocked him gently, wanting so badly to kiss that beautiful black hair and rub the tears away from that handsome face, but he knew that was too much, and so he only held him. Slowly, so slowly, Jake's shakes faded. His grip on Dirk's shirt lessened and he leaned against him, no longer tense, soft all over. 

"Is it better now?"

Jake nodded and Dirk let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He ran one hand up and down Jake's spine, finally getting to kiss his boyfriend's head. Dirk fully expected Jake to do what he always did when he let Dirk hold him for any length of time- to press his face against the taller man's chest and hide until he wriggled free. But he looked up this time, tensing up again as his eyes scanned Dirk's face. With an effort that was almost physically painful, Dirk held open the stage curtains that hid the bleeding pieces of his soul, letting Jake see, as best as he could, what Dirk felt inside until the burden became too much and he retreated into the dark safety of his cage. 

"Dirk..." Jake reached up and looped one arm around Dirk's neck, drawing him closer, his expression pained. "K-Kiss me?"

How strange we are, Dirk thought as he shut his eyes and let his mouth fit to Jake's. Two broken men, stabbing each other to death with all our jagged pieces. 

After only a few seconds Jake ducked his head to escape and Dirk backed away immediately, guilty at letting Jake push himself like this and yet so very relieved that Jake was trying. Jake's arm tightened around Dirk's neck as he gasped, "I'm sorry, don't stop, please, help me get better Dirk, make it stop fighting!"

How could he say no when Jake was here, begging in his arms? He wrapped both his arms around Jake, tight and desperate, abandoning the restraint of his first attempt in favor of the wild need that burned through his whole body, his entire being reaching for Jake like he was the panacea. Dirk hadn't known before then that happiness could be hot, could flare in a second and singe the ribs, fill the mouth like lava and scorch the lips like flame. He held Jake tighter, practically crushing him, his hands fisted in the other man's shirt so tight that he was sure his knuckles were white from the force of his grip. Straightening up, lifting Jake off his feet, Dirk let one hand shift to Jake's hair, grabbing a fistful of dirty black hair and holding on like his life depended on it. Jake wriggled and started to pull back and Dirk relented, shaking as the tide of fire his body had given in to receded, leaving him burnt out inside. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jake squeaked. His eyes were frantic, pupils dilated in panic, but still he held on to Dirk and tried to kiss him again. 

"Are you sure you want this?" Dirk could feel the fire coming back, could feel the need, and he didn't want to know if he was the kind of man that couldn't stop. 

Jake nodded and, his face going red with embarrassment and shame, wriggled free of his shirt, tossing the article of clothing aside with a desperate haste, like he was afraid he'd lose his nerve and pull it back on the second he had time to think. Dirk had to set Jake down because his hands had started to shake. 

Jake was scarred far less than most people in this hell the world had become. The few marks he had were from his time on his island when he was all alone. The biggest scar he had was on his back, a huge pale slash that went from his shoulder to his hip. Apparently some big cat had jumped him. 

Dirk put his hands on Jake's sides, his breath shuddering from his lungs at the exhilaration of being given permission to touch that caramel-tanned skin and he bent down again to kiss Jake on the lips, almost giving in to tears when Jake kissed him back just as  eagerly. Dirk let his pale hands slide up and down Jake's sides, feeling his warmth, smiling when Jake's breath shuddered in the same way his own had. "Jake..." Dirk let go of Jake's lips, moved to kiss his neck instead, brushing soft touches against tan skin and making his easy way down Jake's body until he was on his knees, kissing Jake's stomach, hugging him awkwardly around the waist, almost expecting to wake up in a pile of leaves, cold and alone because Jake refused to sleep with him. 

But he didn't wake up and Jake didn't run away and Dirk got to kiss him again and again and again, letting himself cry and laugh at the same time because Jake was  _here._ Jake stayed. "I love you," he said through the tears and the laughs. "I love you so much, you baka. God, I love you."

Hands as rough as his own cupped Dirk's cheeks as Jake turned his head up to look at his face. Jake's expression was soft and for the first time in the whole of their relationship Dirk got to feel what it was to have someone look at him with true love. "I love you too, Dirk. I really do."

Dirk understood then why Gamzee so firmly believed in putting his matesprit before everything else. Because here, on his knees, his cheek pressed to Jake's flat stomach, love in those perfect green eyes, Dirk knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had never been happier. Nothing could ever equal the joy of making Jake happy. Absolutely nothing. 

For just a moment, he forgot that he wasn't supposed to have this. He forgot that he was supposed to hurt. He forgot that he deserved nothing short of death. For just a moment, Dirk Martha Strider was happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for a promised pirouette off a comment
> 
> -LINE OF IMPORTANCE-  
> The next chapter will be an INTERMISSION!! Which means you guys get to tell me WHAT YOU WANT TO READ ABOUT! You are astounded by the show of magnanimity. Absolutely SHOOK by such a clear display of the author's regard for your wishes. The ability to practice some FREE WILL almost overwhelms you completely, but you manage to contain your certainly WILD excitement. 
> 
> The choices are:
> 
> A: SOLLUX'S COMMUNITY
> 
> B: ROSE AND KANAYA'S GRUB CARE
> 
> C: A SHORT POINTLESS MOMENT WITH DAVE AND KARKAT 
> 
> And 
> 
> D: CHARUN
> 
> Choose wisely. Do not be frivolous with your free will. It is a rare gift.
> 
> \--  
> Wow, okay, well three people voted. Three. You three are officially better than 99.9% of the planet, well done. 
> 
> One vote went to Dave and Karkat, but TWO went to CHARUN, which is great because it's the one I wanted to do this whole time. So now you people will get to know about Charun while also living your lives haunted by the knowledge that you will never know what would have been had you voted differently... Or ya know... If you'd have voted at all.


	22. INTERMISSION 1

Gardening is fairly easy until someone passes out in your roses. Not that Charun had much experience with people passing out in their roses. As a matter of fact, as of that morning, their experience was a single incident. 

The troll in their roses was laying face down, was completely naked, and was (judging by the amount of horns) a yellowblood. Charun didn't mind any of this, but they were a little worried about their roses. They adjusted their wide-brimmed hat and stared at the troll for a moment, wondering what to do. Eventually, they just grabbed the poor fella and picked them up, hauling them out of the roses and towards their home. 

The tiny cottage had been empty when Charun found it, but after three years they'd come to think of it as theirs. The troll they carried wasn't too heavy and it was fairly easy to get them into the house and onto one of the beds, though it was only after they got the strange troll there did they realize what had caused them to pass out in a bed of flowers.

The troll's right eye was ruined, the skin around it torn and festering. The poor bastard was bitten. Charun bit their lip, an awkward movement due to their underbite, and hesitated. He (she?)  _was_ still breathing, but... Well, no one survived being bit. They laid their hand on the troll's cheek, not at all encouraged by the heat of fever. After a moment of debating with themselves, Charun decided to keep the yellowblood. Who knew, maybe they'd be the first to live. They tied the troll up before they left though. No point in being any stupider about this. 

Then they went back to their garden. 

~~~

The troll was still alive when Charun went back in the house near the end of the day, something they took to be a Good Sign. She (he?) was shifting in his (her?) sleep, tugging weakly at the ropes that tied their arms to the bedposts and whining through their pants, tossing as best as their tied state would allow. Charun again pressed their hand to the stranger's forehead and sighed to feel that the fever was worse. 

Then the troll's one remaining eye opened, a flat plane of lime green, no pupil, no 'whites' (though that part was normally yellow on a troll), and no iris. Again, they attempted to draw their limbs close to themselves and Charun patted them awkwardly, unsure if they could see through their no doubt harsh fever-haze. "Hey. Can ya hear me? Hmm?" The troll nodded, green eye flicking from one place to another, though it was difficult to tell where they were actually looking. "What's yer name?"

"Cirava." 

Charun nodded and took their hat off. "Charun."

"Mm." Cirava's eye fluttered shut and he (she?) passed out once more. 

Largely invested in this troll's well-being now, Charun went and bought up a bucket of water, blushing at the need to use a bucket for something like carrying water but unable to think of anything else to do the carrying. They wet a cloth and laid it over Cirava's head, hoping it would help at least a little. It dried quickly from the heat radiating off Cirava's skin and Charun rewet it and replaced it. They continued doing this until they fell asleep slumped against the bed, waking up just after dawn with a crick in their neck and a backache. They felt Cirava's head again. She (he?) seemed a little cooler. 

They glanced at the ragged wound that was all that was left of Cirava's right eye and flinched. That definitely looked bad. Gently, they took the cloth that still lay on Cirava's head and wet it again, dabbing carefully at the wound in an attempt to clean off some of whatever had gotten into it. There was dirt, certainly, from the rose garden, and who knew what else Cirava had been in before they collapsed. The skin around the wound was a sickly yellow color, no doubt from infection. Charun just hoped it hadn't gone into blood poisoning yet. 

"Hey..." Cirava's voice was weak, his green eye supposedly trained on Charun. "Where... Umbria? Ji-Jihall? Where?" They looked around, clearly confused and missing multiple someones.

"Don't worry about it," Charun said as reassuringly as they knew how. "You just rest now, okay?"

Cirava nodded, or tried too, and again they slept. Charun continued trying to clean the bite mark, but there was little they could do without proper medicine. "Echinacea," they muttered under their breath, cleaning the cloth in their bucket and returning it to Cirava's head. "And elderberry."

They tested the knots on the ropes binding Cirava one last time before heading out to search through their extensive garden for the herbs necessary, already going through how to properly prepare them in their head. They picked the echinacea first, removing their hat and placing the purple-petaled flowers inside and carrying on with the hat in their hands. The berry bushes were on the other side from the flowers, so it took a bit of a trek for Charun to reach them, but they didn't mind the walk. It wasn't like they had anywhere to be. Charun took both berries and leaves from the elderberry bush, muttering a quiet thank you, even though they knew the bush didn't understand and couldn't possibly care less about a few leaves and berries. 

When they arrived at their home, they got out their slightly busted up tea kettle and started to build up a fire in the hearth, letting the logs catch while they went out to the small creek that wound through their flowers for water. They set the kettle up to boil when they returned before emptying their hat of its burden and returning it to their head. 

"It's too hot for a fire," Charun grumbled, talking to themselves because you can only go so long before even the sound of your own voice becomes something needed. Silence can be a terrible thing. 

They walked from the living room to the small kitchen and took a mug from the cupboard before ambling up the stairs and going into their bedroom to retrieve their faithful mortar and pestle, an item they never thought they'd actually need to own before the dead rose. But when you have to go back to healing your sicknesses with herbs, it becomes a pretty handy tool to have around. They went down the steps carefully, unwilling to damage to any of the items they carried. Mugs were rather hard to come by now a days and they doubted they'd ever find another mortar and pestle. 

In the living room again, they gingerly set their cargo down on the worn-thin carpet, looking at the kettle for a while and wondering if it would start to squeal. It didn't, so they headed outside, thinking that maybe having some flowers on the bedstand would help Cirava feel better. Perhaps it was a bit childish to believe, but oh well. Not like there was anyone left to judge. 

Charun's rose garden was beautiful and they knew it. Even before everything they'd grown roses. They were top of the line in the art of cultivating the delicate plant, the kind of person who the experts went to for advice. Some hybrids only existed in Charun's garden and they had always been very proud of that, even now when there was no one but themselves to see. They took some of those famous roses now, a small bundle of blue, black, orange, and green blossoms. They gently petted the petals as they walked back the way they came, ridiculously proud of the deep colors. 

The kettle was still silent when Charun went into the cabin and so they went to the guest bedroom with their flowers. Cirava was either asleep or dead, because they were neither moving nor making a sound. Charun gently settled the flowers in the vase they never moved before laying a hand on Cirava's neck in an attempt to see if he (she?) was still alive. She (he?) was. 

From the living room came the high squeal of the kettle and Charun quickly untied Cirava before trotting away to kneel in front of the fire and to take the kettle from its place. They poured the water into the mug and added the elderberry leaves and the petals of the echinacea flowers, letting it steep while they mashed the berries in the mortar, putting the berry mush in to help with the taste and to hopefully take down Cirava's fever. They set the cup aside before dumping what water remained in the kettle onto the fire and taking the emptied kettle to the kitchen to dry. Then, mug in hand, Charun made their way back to Cirava. 

Cirava was sitting up, head turned towards the single window. They didn't react when Charun entered the room. "Hey..." Charun crept carefully forward, unwilling to startle their guest. "Are you-?"

"They're gone, aren't they?"

Cirava's voice was remarkably steady, especially considering the fact that they were visibly trembling. Charun didn't know what to say so they settled on saying nothing and just coming closer, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding the mug of tea. 

"I shouldn't be alive..."

Charun nodded even though Cirava wasn't looking at them. "I made you tea."

Cirava turned, an odd kind of blankness on their face. Charun offered the mug, but Cirava made no move to take it. Their green eye might have been looking at the cup, but it was hard to tell. Charun shifted awkwardly closer and attempted to lift the cup to Cirava's mouth. "C'mon now. It'll help."

Cirava turned his (her?) head away. "I don't want to be helped. I want to die."

"Don't say that." Charun took their hat off and ran their hand through their dark hair. "You don't really."

"Ah yes, excuse me for assuming I knew more about my wishes then you do, my bad." Cirava looked away again and Charun stared sadly into the mug of tea that was rapidly losing its heat. 

"I'm sorry..." They mumbled. "Guess I meant that  _I_ didn't want you to die."

"You don't know me." 

Charun didn't say anything because Cirava was right and there wasn't really anything else to say. They set the mug down carefully on the bedstand, next to the vase of flowers, and quietly stood up, stepping quietly from the room with their hat in their hands.

Charun didn't understand Cirava's apparent depression. Was it because they were bit? Did knowing they were destined for death make them want it to come sooner? But then... Those names they'd called when they were still mostly delirious... Were they someone they'd loved? Charun fiddled with the brim of their hat before placing it on their head. They'd ask Cirava about all of this later. Whether they'd answer or not was a completely different matter, but... Well, what will be will be. 

Charun made their way outside and went back to their roses. When they went back to check a few hours later, Cirava was asleep and the mug was still full. 

~~~

The third day was no better. Cirava woke rarely and spoke very little, refusing anything Charun offered that may help. Their fever kept wavering between dangerously high and something close to normal and the bed they laid on was often wet from pain sweats. But the wound on their eye didn't seem any worse. Charun kept putting a poultice of infection-fighting herbs on it while Cirava was asleep and it seemed to have actually worked, though Cirava wiped it off during the moments they were conscious. 

Charun spent the day going between their garden and their guest, the soft joy of helping plants thrive tempered by worry over the troll in their house. 

On the fourth day, Cirava's fever broke. 

Charun entered the room quietly, unwilling to wake Cirava when they so clearly needed to rest. The yellowblood was laying still on the bed, their heavy breaths making it known that they still clung to life, however unwillingly. Charun laid their hand on Cirava's cheek and was surprised to find it unflushed. They stayed as they were for a moment, cupping the sleeping troll's face and looking at them with wide green eyes. Perhaps it was just another lull before it got bad, but Charun didn't think so. Cirava looked different then they had when they were about to heat up again, though Charun couldn't have said what made them think that. They gently rubbed their thumb against Cirava's grey skin. The troll looked... Peaceful, Charun decided. Like it wasn't quite so painful to be alive. 

"You did it." Charun whispered the words, amazement making them reluctant to pull away. Gently, they turned Cirava's head a bit to look at their wound. Cirava had wiped away the medicine again, but it had already been there long enough to take effect and the angry, swollen look was gone. "You did it." Charun, in what was probably a show of bad foresight, leaned down and kissed Cirava on the head just as the other troll woke up. 

A pair of hands slammed into Charun's chest and they staggered back, the breath pushed out of their lungs with a surprised huff. Pinwheeling their arms, Charun managed to stay on their feet, looking at Cirava with something between surprise and confusion. The yellowblood had one hand to the headboard, clinging to it to get themselves sitting up, lime green eye narrowed in distrust with their fangs bared. "Stay away from me."

Charun held their hands close to their chest, brow furrowed in confusion. "But... Why?"

"Stay away!" Cirava tried to throw his (her?) pillow at them and Charun hopped backwards, away from the semi-threatening motion, only to jump forward again as the force sent Cirava almost off the bed. "Stay  _away!"_ Cirava bit down hard on Charun's arm as they attempted to get her (him?) back onto the bed and the pain combined with the hurt of Cirava's rage finally made Charun start crying. Green tears running down their face, Charun weakly pulled his arm free and backed away, staring at the ground. 

"I'm sorry," they muttered, watching their blood well up in the wounds and slide down to drip to the floor. "I'll leave you alone now." Cirava was silent as Charun turned and left, leaving a trail of green drops in their wake. 

Sniffing, blinking tears away so they could see clearly, Charun cradled their arm close to their chest and walked slowly to the kitchen, opening a drawer and removing a roll of bandages. They clumsily managed to wrap up the wound, tying it badly and watching numbly as it slowly stained through with their olive green blood. Why? they wondered. What did I do?

On the fifth day Cirava wouldn't even look at Charun and they refused any food or drink that Charun offered. 

On the sixth day, Charun was determined to figure out what they did to make Cirava so upset. 

They sat on the bed where Cirava lay, their back stubbornly turned. Nervously shuffling their hands against each other, Charun said quietly, "Did I do something or say something to make you hate me?" Cirava showed no sign that they'd even heard. Charun tried again. "Was it both? Was it because I wanted you alive?" Nothing. "Did I-?"

"What do you want from me?"

Charun looked at the back of Cirava's head, uncertain as to what the troll expected. "What do you mean...?"

"I mean exactly what I said. What do you want?" 

It seemed to Charun that Cirava already had their own ideas as to what Charun wanted, but they had no idea what those ideas could possibly be. "I just... I don't rightly know."

Cirava gave a single, broken laugh. 

"What... What do  _you_ think I want?" Charun tucked their hands between their legs and clamped their thighs down on them, seeking the odd sort of comfort the position offered. 

Cirava was silent and unmoving for several minutes and Charun started to worry that they'd fallen asleep. Then they pushed themselves up, just barely having the strength to manage, and turned their head enough to look at Charun over their shoulder. "I am naked in a stranger's house in a room I cannot leave. There are ropes tied to the bed posts that are long enough to reach my limbs and a bucket on the nightstand. No one does anything for free, so what do you think I expect?"

Charun blanched, scrambling up and away as Cirava shifted around a bit to see them better. Charun could feel the color drain from their face. "I... I never..." Swallowing down tears, Charun miserably attempted to hug themselves. "I didn't want you wandering around if you died, so I tied you down when you first showed up. I needed something to get water up here, so I could put something on yer head, but all I had was a bucket. The door's never been locked. You didn't have no clothes when I found you. I ain't never wanted nothin' like that." Charun felt sick. They wrapped their arms tighter around themselves, like they could crush the nausea down. No wonder Cirava was so cruel, they'd been expecting to be used as a... Charun shook their head. "I was just tired of being alone," they whimpered, backing steadily towards the door. "I just didn't wanna be alone."

Cirava turned their back again and Charun fled, dashing out of the room and straight to the front door, frantically absconding to the peace of their garden. They crawled under a juniper bush, curling up beneath the branches and hiding from everything in its shelter. It was a long time before they dared to emerge. 

They slept fitfully that night, guilt at what they'd unintentionally put Cirava through gnawing at their guts. When the sun started to lighten the sky, Charun got up and pulled on their shoes, heading out to their garden to search for some specific flowers. 

It was purple hyacinths first. They were closest. Then came white tulips. Then white primrose. They weighed the flowers in their arms, looking at the deep purple blossoms accented with white and decided that it was enough. Hyper-aware of ever minuscule sound they made in the death silent house, Charun crept to Cirava's room and nudged open the door, peeking in and sneaking further past the doorframe when it appeared that Cirava was asleep. Carefully, they took the old, wilting roses out of the vase and carefully placed the new flowers in, speed-creeping out the door before they accidentally woke Cirava up. 

Breathing a sigh of relief when it was said and done, Charun went to the kitchen and got something to eat before retreating to their garden, spending their time pruning the bushes and trees and dragging the branches to the Branch Pile, where all branches stayed until they were needed for fire-related purposes. It was past noon by the time they felt the need to go back home and when they walked through the door the first thing they noticed was the purple hyacinth on the fireplace mantle. 

It was not maimed. It was not damaged. It was perfect. 

_Please forgive me._

_You are forgiven._

Charun picked up the flower and purred, smiling. They decided to make Cirava another mug of tea. Maybe they'd like it this time. When they brought the cup in Cirava was asleep, so Charun carefully set the mug on the bedstand and snuck back out, taking one last glance at Cirava's bare body before deciding to give the troll some of their own clothes, even if they weren't exactly the same size. 

Charun pawed through their small amount of outfits, settling on a shirt that was a little too small for themselves and a pair of pants that was a little too long. Hopefully it would fit Cirava's taller, thinner frame. The clothes weren't folded, they were just kinda bunched all together, and Charun didn't bother to fold them. They carried the clothes to Cirava's room and opened the door a crack, peering in to see the yellowblood sitting up, drinking their tea carefully, their one good eye half opened. 

Charun stepped into the room, ducking their head to hide behind the brim of their hat when Cirava turned to look. "Got you clothes. Didn't know what size you wore, but I figured this was as close as I had. Sorry I didn't give 'em to you before, I just wasn't thinkin'."

"Thank you."

Charun dared to look up as they set the clothes within Cirava's reach, relaxing when they saw that the lower blooded troll didn't look angered anymore. Cirava reached one hand out and grabbed the shirt, something like the memory of a smile flickering over their face. "This is my sign." Charun looked over at the yellow sign stitched into the black t-shirt. Charun had forgotten that the shirt even had a sign on it. 

"It is?"

"Mmhmm."

Slowly and quietly, Cirava set the mug they held on the bedstand and pulled the shirt over their head, giving a shaky breath of what Charun assumed was relief when the fabric covered their body. The pulling on of the pants was a bit harder, but Cirava refused Charun's offer for help and eventually got them on. "Thank you again." Cirava's hands gripped the hem of their new shirt that apparently bore their sign, something that looked close to a hashtag. "I think I'm going to sleep now."

"Okay." Charun stood and left without complaint. It was enough that Cirava had not looked at them with hatred, enough that they were strong enough to walk to the living room and place a flower on the mantle. It was enough. 

~~~

The next time Charun went to see Cirava, the lowblood was awake but laying down, staring blankly at the ceiling. Charun didn't like that blankness. There was something wrong with it. Something not well. "Cirava?"

Slowly, Cirava's head turned and that lime green eye focused on Charun, or at least in their direction. "What?"

"Um..." Charun swept their hat off their head and fiddled with the brim, an old habit that seemed intent on returning full force. "I just... I'm sorry I gotta ask somethin' like this, 'specialy with you not feeling too well and all, but uh..." Charun shuffled and traced a seam with their nail. "Are you a boy or a girl or...?"

Cirava's laugh was the closest Charun had ever heard them come to a real laugh. "Seriously?" Charun ducked their head and nodded. "I prefer the or, then."

Charun blinked, not getting it for a moment. Then they flushed and awkwardly scratched one leg with the back of the other foot. "Me too."

"Mm." Charun could see it when Cirava blanked out again, their face relaxing in a way that made Charun think that the yellowblood wasn't seeing what was in front of them at all. 

Charun stepped closer, gripping their hat tighter and remembering quite vividly the feel of Cirava's cheek against their palm. It had been so very long since they'd touched anyone... Cirava was still empty and staring at nothing when Charun reached their side. Carefully, they laid one shaking hand on Cirava's dark hair. The lowblood growled, but it was a weak protest that quickly faded to nothing. Gently, Charun brushed the greasy locks from Cirava's face, almost, but not quite, running their thumb across the twisted tissue around what was once Cirava's eye that was quickly becoming scar. 

"I don't know why I was so scared earlier." Charun jumped a bit at the sound of Cirava's flat voice. With something close to fear twisting in their chest, Charun patter Cirava gently. The lowblood turned their head just enough for their lime green eye to focus on Charun. "After all, I'm dead aren't I? I'm dead, so what does it matter what happens to my body?"

"C-Come on now, don't talk like that. You ain't dead." Charun sat on the very edge of the bed, fully prepared to flee should Cirava's mood swing back towards fury or depression. "You're gunna be just fine."

But, looking at the deadness in Cirava's expression, Charun couldn't quite make themselves believe it. 

Carefully, Charun shifted further on the bed and bundled Cirava into their lap, holding the yellowblood against them and wrapping their arms around them, their chin on the wounded troll's head. "You're gunna be just... Just fine." And for the first time in many years, Charun held a living person. 

I swear, Charun silently vowed, I will not let you die. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still salty that only three people voted on what they wanted. You three are all I have to live for now, so thanks.
> 
> \--  
> All big time skips will be preceded by an intermission that follows Charun and Cirava. They will never join the main storyline.
> 
> Suggestions for what each intermission should have will be seriously considered and most likely used. 
> 
> Sorry for the gaps between chapters, I publish them when they are finished and never have any in reserve. College has left me with little time to write.


	23. Hell Yeah Linkin-Logs

It took four days for Gamzee to recover enough for Tavros to let him go back to work, but he never let the highblood go without him. Now, added to the steady sound of trees being stripped was the gentle voice of a lowblood that made everything seem a little easier. Whenever his arms started to hurt Gamzee would curl up in Tavros' lap and let himself be held, sometimes managing to fall asleep in his matesprit's hold. Once, Dirk had made it to Tavros' lap first and Tavros had let him take Gamzee's seat, patting the human's blond hair affectionately. Gamzee had flew into a rage, throwing things (including Jake) and roaring so loud that birds fled from the trees in fright, but he hadn't been able to do anything because Dirk had both his arms around Tavros and wasn't letting go. 

All in all, it was a good time. 

Another two days passed and Gamzee started to get everything ready to actually begin stacking the trees into walls. 

"So, what, we just linkin-log this shit?" Dirk had to reach on his tiptoes to smack Gamzee on the back of the head. "Damn, did you get taller?"

"No, we don't, and yeah probably." Roughly running his hands over Dirk's body until he found the human's knife, Gamzee idly twirled the blade between his fingers. "It'd be drafty if we did that. You gotta pack the between spaces with mud, grass, and hair."

"Hair?" Dirk automatically reached up to tug at his own locks that fell well past his shoulders. 

"Yep." Brandishing the knife, Gamzee stalked closer, a grin spreading across his face. "Now c'mere." It was a very short chase. Gamzee's legs were just too damn long. Jake readily agreed to having his hair cut, happily shaking his head back and forth when it was done, clearly delighting in the lightness. 

On the seventh day, it finally started. 

Logs were moved, mud was packed, a doorframe was cut and a door was hewn from the spare pieces. Gamzee did most of it, occasionally stopped by Tavros' worried mothering. Jake hopped around like an excited puppy, not really helping at all and squinting at everything that moved. He only slowed now and then to hesitantly approach Dirk and receive a single kiss before dashing off again, squealing like a schoolgirl. It kind of hurt Gamzee's ears, but he'd warmed enough to Jake to not feel the need to clock him over the head.  

They only planned to build one small room, just a place to keep them dry when it rained, and it was done by the end of the day, though Gamzee had had to sacrifice his braid. When all was said and done, they build a fire with the chips and sticks and bark that littered their glade, getting drunk on life and the light of the moon, singing old songs of love and adventure and loss and gain and everything in between, all save Tavros dancing with a wild sort of ferocity that simply had not been allowed to exist in the before, howling to the skies when the pressure of existence became too much to bear and laughing when the feel of their hearts reminded them that they were so very alive. They fell asleep together in a heap beneath the stars, with the smoldering embers casting the faintest glow and the fireflies trying hard to out-light the red shine that was quickly falling to ash. 

~~~

Dirk woke up happy. It was an odd feeling. He thought that maybe he liked it. Jake was on top of him, sleeping as close as he could possibly be, and his head was pillowed by Gamzee's arm. The sky wasn't even quite blue yet and it was beautiful. Gently, not wanting to wake him, Dirk ran his fingers over the ragged ends of Jake's hair, almost missing the heavy locks of midnight. Jake shifted a bit, drooling onto Dirk's chest, and he was beautiful too. 

Gamzee shifted suddenly, tugging his arm free of Dirk's weight and rolling over, closer to Tavros. Dirk turned his head to watch as Gamzee curled around the crippled troll, his large body almost completely hiding the lowblood save for a pair of legs and two long horns. Tavros murmured something, one arm poking free to pat Gamzee on the back. Both of them started purring and Dirk turned his attention back to Jake, feeling quite suddenly that he shouldn't be looking at the pair of trolls that were so clearly in love. 

Jake's face was soft with sleep and he looked younger, lines of worry and stress smoothed away. His lips were barely parted and his dark lashes were long enough that they almost brushed his cheeks. Jake's breath hitched all of a sudden and he tensed with the effort of waking, almost stretching and relaxing again before his eyes started to open, startlingly green through the dark curtain of his eyelashes. He looked up and Dirk smiled shakily at him, worried, as he had long been condition to worry, about whether or not today was the day that Jake realized that he was worthless. 

But apparently it wasn't. Jake closed his eyes again with a soft grumble of disagreement, hiding from the scant light of dawn by pressing his face to Dirk's chest. Dirk wrapped his arms around Jake, letting out a soft sigh of relief when Jake didn't tense up or flinch. "Good morning."

"It isn'  _morn'g..."_ Jake grumbled, one hand weakly gripping Dirk's shirt. "It's some... Poppycock... Or another..."

"It's morning, babe. Promise." Dirk ran one hand through Jake's sleep-tangled hair, laying back and watching the sky, the sound of the trolls' purring getting deeper and louder. Not bothering to turn his head, Dirk called, "Y'all better not be fucking."

There was a soft squeak- no doubt Tavros- and a deep growl that Dirk recognized as Gamzee. Suddenly, Gamzee was leaning over him, his ugly face blocking out the sky. "I do what I want."

"And you want me, right?" Dirk hooked one arm around Gamzee's neck and yanked the troll down before he could fight, holding him in the awkward position as he flailed and barked. Jake made an unhappy grumble, getting up and glaring at Gamzee through his dark bangs before crawling away to curl up at Tavros' side. The lowblood moved himself further away. 

Dirk let Gamzee go and the highblood jerked up and away at the sudden lack of resistance, falling onto his back with a soft, "Uff."

Dirk got up and looked at Jake, curled up and looking towards where Tavros lay. Pretending that it didn't hurt, pretending like his short happiness hadn't soured into soul-rotting self hatred, Dirk nudged Jake gently with his foot and said, "C'mon Jakey, up and at'em."

"Cob jimminy Dirk, the sun isn't even up yet..." 

"Yeah it is dude. It's hella up, practically the upest thing here." Reaching down to run his hand over Jake's short hair, Dirk almost cracked when the shorter man closed his eyes and rubbed his head against Dirk's palm. 

_...Lock stuff up, the pressure gets to be too much. You'll crack, one way or the other._

Dirk had been trying, trying so hard, to loosen the pressure, to crack his airtight lock so that  _something_ could get out, but it had only been getting worse. The brief relief from screaming in the woods, from beating a walker to the ground, from the near-violent sex with a troll, it all made the pressure he'd lived with his whole life so much harder to bear because now he knew what it felt like when that weight wasn't there. Gamzee hadn't warned him that it would get so much worse. He was going to beat that highblood's ass.

"Well, we should probably get going since we're up and together." Dirk casually kicked Gamzee in the ribs, dancing back when the troll bared his huge teeth and swung at him. "You can smash the crip' later, let's go. Up and at them."

Growling angrily, Gamzee got to all fours and shook himself like a dog, crawling to Tavros and letting the paraplegic wrap his arms around his neck before standing and bringing Tavros with him. Giggling, Tavros clung to Gamzee and Dirk couldn't help but notice that the troll was a lot more ripped than he'd previously thought. Damn. That boy's arms were nearly as big as Dirk's entire head. Okay then. 

"Well, hello there." Gamzee's violet eyes softened in a second from rage to love as he put his hands to Tavros' hips and held him up, looking down into the lowblood's face. "How about you come home with me?"

Tavros giggled, cheeks dusted brown. "Goodness, sir! I'll have you know I do not make a habit of sharing a bed with men I have just met!"

Gamzee tossed his head, newly-cut hair curling wildly in every conceivable direction. "And I shan't have wanted anything to do with you if you did!" He smirked then and purred, "However, I don't think I'd mind if you made a  _hobby_ of it." Then he started to kiss Tavros' neck and the other troll squealed happily, laughing. 

"Okay! Okay! You win!  _Gamzeee!"_

Gamzee spun Tavros before lifting his partner over his head like he weighed no more than a child. He looked at Dirk out of the corner of his eye and grinned. "Sorry creamsicle, looks like I've got plans. Take ol' Blindy with you instead if you really wanna go so bad."

Dirk growled low in his chest, feeling slightly betrayed. He didn't bother spending any time analyzing the emotion. Instead, he turned his back on his kismesis and went to pester his matesprit, poking gently at Jake until the man opened his eyes and squinted up at him, lower lip pushed out in a pout. "Let me sleep, please."

Dirk's breath shook when he pulled it in and Jake's eyes, already drifting shut again, snapped open and his head jerked up. He half-sat, crouched awkwardly and slightly raised on his toes, squinting in an effort to see. "Dirk?" God, Dirk wished Jake would say his name like that more. Like he was worried. Like he cared. "Are you all right, old chap?"

No. No I am most certainly not alright. I could write whole soliloquies about why I am not okay, about why none of us are okay, about how we are all so terribly broken, but that no one seems to be broken quite like me. 

Dirk tried to force a smile, but the tiny twitch he managed wasn't near big enough for Jake to see. "I'm fine Jake, I." He stopped talking because he didn't know what he was. 

"Dirk?"

He was shaking, he could feel it, the tremors in his hands and legs. He was falling apart and he desperately needed something to hold him together. "Hey, can you do something for me?" Dirk was silently thankful that his voice didn't shake. 

"I suppose." Wariness. Hesitation. What have I done, Dirk wanted to ask. What have I done to you that makes you afraid? I don't want you to be afraid of me too, I don't want someone else I love to cower when I raise my hand. 

But in the end he didn't say any of that. He just flopped awkwardly down to the ground and said, "I need you to lay your entire weight on top of me so that I can barely breath and just kind of crush me for a second, okay?"

"Um... What?"

Dirk floundered for some way to explain. "You know, like, uh, like, um, like cats?"

"Oh." Jake shifted to all fours and crawled towards Dirk, moving on top of him with infinite care, not touching him until it was absolutely necessary. He laid down, his chest to Dirk's and Dirk wheezed a bit. "Is this... Okay?"

"Ye... Yep." Dirk hid his face in the curve of Jake's neck and Jake settled closer, relaxing into him, and Dirk breathed as deep as he could manage, reveling in the scent of metal and sweat and smoke that was purely Jake English. He held on to Jake, wrapping his arms fully around the smaller man and gripping fistfuls of his shirt, holding him as close as he could, thinking with something like longing of the recent days that Jake had come to him with something like fear and asked him to help that fear go away. The days where, between their work, they got all tangled up in the grass and leaves, warm hands running over his pale skin as Jake's shakes dissapeared and he whispered Dirk's name against his lips and pulled at his hips and sides and begged with his body to be closer. 

Dirk didn't know that he'd started to shake until Jake ran a hand through his hair and whispered into the pale locks, "What's wrong, Dirk? What is it?"

Dirk felt another crack form in his core and he sobbed dryly. "I'm breaking, Jake." He held Jake harder, for once not worrying if his grip was strong enough to hurt, just trying to get Jake closer, feeling so keenly a desperate need to draw Jake into himself and hold him there, to never be apart, to simply be one person. "I'm breaking and I'm scared." He choked on the words but got them out, repeating in his mind over and over,  _I have to give myself to him, I have to give myself to him, I have to give myself to him._

Jake had tensed up and Dirk was suddenly, fiercely afraid that Jake would scorn him for his brokenness. That he wouldn't want something so shattered. It had never even occurred to him before, but now that it was in his mind he knew it would never leave. What if, by letting Jake know how truly and completely he was destroyed, he pushed Jake away forever? Don't leave me, he thought. Gamzee was right, that bastard was right, I'll end up killing myself if I'm alone. 

"Oh, Dirk." And then, like some beautiful miracle, Jake was kissing him, pressing his lips to Dirk's temple, then his cheeks, then his lips, kissing him with almost bruising force, grabbing a fistful of his blond hair and holding him so close, so wonderfully close. Dirk knew he was crying, could feel the hot tracks the tears carved down his face, and he was still shaking all over, shivering against the press of Jake's body even as he parted his lips and kissed his man deeper, running his hands up Jake's shirt and wrapping his arms around his chest, holding him beneath his clothes. 

"Jake." He gasped Jake's name when they parted for breath, whimpering in the back of his throat when they came together again, running one hand along the scar on Jake's back. Jake didn't flinch away, didn't shift in discomfort or shake with fear, he just held on to Dirk, crushing his soul back into one piece until his shakes faded and no more tears ran down from his closed eyes. "Jakey." 

"I've got you." Jake was so close that all Dirk could see was the emerald of his eyes, threaded through with delicate lines of jade. There were no 'flecks of gold' that fiction writers were so fond of and that they seemed to believe were an essential part of any green-eyed person. Jake's eyes were just green. Just deep, living, endless green. 

Jake somehow got closer, his lips touching Dirk's but not quite kissing him. "I've got you this time, alright?" Dirk shivered, a final tremor that shook his whole body loose. He nodded just barely, the slight movement only really known because Jake could feel him move.

\---

Gamzee found that he was almost falling asleep, his eyes nearly shut and his mind wandering aimlessly as he laid naked on their bed while Tavros drew him. He jumped a bit as his head started to slip from its place on his hand, blinking and yawning. 

"Stop moving! It hasn't been that long." Tavros' voice was soft with affection and amusement, his eyes practically glowing with love. Gamzee shivered all over, all fatigue vanishing, fighting back the urge to wiggle because !!! Tavros was !!! Happy !!! And he was the one that made him happy !!!!!

Shivering and purring, Gamzee again put his head on his hand, watching Tavros draw. Gog, he loved all the little things Tavros didn't even realize he did, such tiny little things but so very important. The way his tongue poked out of his mouth whenever his brow furrowed in deep concentration, the way he got a bit of an underbite when he looked too far down, the way he flicked his little marker after every other line he made, the way he ran his hand over the paper he was using as though he was clearing it of eraser bits. His pretty artist matesprit, so perfect in every little way. 

Tavros looked up at him again, eyes glazed over, then he was back to his paper, making tiny little marks and lines, and Gamzee waited patiently like he had so many times before. Then Tavros' face went completely blank before he blinked rapidly and Gamzee's purr deepened because he knew Tavros was finally done. The lowblood ran one hand along the side of his head, caught in some twilight zone of thinking the hair was both short and long. He wheeled to his ugly little shelf and set his piece on it, the little markers on top and Gamzee wriggled and whined, wanting so bad to love on his matesprit. 

Tavros turned to look at him, arms crossed over his chest. Gamzee whimpered, tucking all his limbs beneath him and shuffling impatiently and still Tavros did not give him permission. Trembling, Gamzee crept to the edge of the bed and slowly started to creep to the floor, almost hoping that Tavros wouldn't notice if he moved slow enough. 

"No."

Gamzee retreated back to his place, every exhale a pitiful whine. Tavros wheeled over to the side of the bed and pulled himself onto the edge, raising a hand to stop Gamzee when he started to scoot closer. "Ah ah! Not yet." Gamzee growled, the sound fading into an apologetic hiccough when Tavros looked at him with one brow raised. 

Tavros started to unbutton his shirt and Gamzee gazed up at him with wonder, his shivers momentarily dying down as he watched. Shrugging off the garment, Tavros folded it slowly and carefully before dropping it to the floor and beginning to wriggle out of his pants. Gamzee gave a soft  _boof,_ not unlike the sound a dog makes when it's a bit shook but not on full alert and Tavros half smiled, folding his pants up and dropping them on top of his shirt. 

Tavros started to drag himself to his part of the bed and Gamzee scrambled back, because Tavros had not said he could touch him. Sitting down, his back to the scarred headboard, Tavros slid one hand between his legs and watched Gamzee shake. "You're adorable," Tavros purred, shifting as his bulge pushed free beneath the pressure of his hand. Gamzee's violet eyes were locked on the bronze bulge that wound itself around Tavros' wrist, both his hands gripping the bedsheets in an attempt to keep himself calm. 

But Gog, it was so hard to think rationally when that brownblooded miracle was touching himself and Gamzee wasn't allowed to help. 

Tavros' was watching his face, looking no where but at him, and Gamzee started to shift closer, sneaking between Tavros' legs and settling down as close as he could possible be without actually touching Tavros' body, because Tavros hadn't said he could touch him yet. Brown genetic material ran over Tavros' fingers as he roughly handled himself and Gamzee wanted so bad to lick him clean. 

"Gamzee."

Adrenaline pumped through Gamzee's blood at that soft voice, half-gasping his name. His violet eyes snapped up to search Tavros' face. "Tavvy."

Tavros purred and reached up his dripping hand to lay it on Gamzee's cheek, smearing his face in bronze. "Touch me?"

Gamzee surged forward, pressing his whole body against Tavros' and, quite on accident, getting in just the right place for his bulge to push itself directly from his sheath to Tavros' nook. Shaking, whimpering, kissing every inch of Tavros' skin that he could reach, Gamzee wrapped both arms around the lowblood's chest and slammed into him with as much force as he dared with little to no begging required on Tavros' part. 

Gog, it felt so good to touch him, to feel that soft skin against his own, to be surrounded by that wet warmth, to have the taste of Tavros on his tongue, it was just so  _right._ Gamzee knew in his soul that he was only half a person, because here, with Tavros' powerful arms holding him together and Tavros' deep moans threatening to pull him apart at the seams, Gamzee was complete. 

Gamzee heard someone say something about their matesprit once. Something like, 'whatever his soul is made of, mine is made of the same'. Gamzee thought that explained it right fine. Whatever Tavros' soul was made of, Gamzee's was made of it too. They were each other, plain and simple.

Gamzee frantic kissing slowed down as the friction of their hips calmed some of the fire in his blood and he kissed at Tavros' throat lovingly, pressing his lips to the lowblood's pulse and feeling the proof of Tavros' life beat beneath his mouth. One of Tavros' hands was in his hair, tugging at his night black curls and, once, slipping suddenly free as though Tavros expected to find much more than there was. He continued to pull gently at Gamzee's shortened curls, everything save his grip relaxing when Gamzee kissed him on the lips, their tongues meeting halfway and shifting together in a well-known dance of pure love. There couldn't possibly be more than this, Gamzee thought as Tavros moaned into his mouth and again pulled at his hair. 

Growling softly, Gamzee shifted in an attempt to get better leverage, slamming himself against Tavros again and again, encouraged to near violence by Tavros' moans and cries of pleasure. 

"Gamzee." Tavros kissed him once more, frantic and hot, before sinking his teeth into the place on Gamzee's shoulder that had only just healed. The highblood missed a beat, faltering in his rhythm with a choked bark of pain. "Sorry, sorry..." Tavros ran his tongue over the bleeding tooth marks and Gamzee shivered, letting out a soft mewl and pressing his face to the curve of Tavros' neck.

One of Tavros' hands slid down to his thigh and Gamzee wrapped his arms tighter around Tavros' chest to hold him steady, understanding that the gentle pressure on his leg was a request for more. He growled softly, rubbing his face against Tavros' bare skin and shaking all over. Tavros' hands were wandering across his body now, tracing every scar, running over every inch of him, rubbing against his grub scars. 

Gamzee whined and held Tavros closer, mumbling over and over again, "I love you, I love you, Gog, I love you, Tavros, Tavros, I love you."

Tavros was shaking too, his hands trembling against Gamzee's body and his voice wobbled. "I love you too, Gamzee, I love you too, so much."

Tavros gasped softly and raked his nails down Gamzee's back. The highblood hissed, arching his back from the pain even as Tavros pulled him close again, pinning their bodies together with the strength of his arms and pressing his face to Gamzee's curls. Gamzee felt Tavros tense up and heard him whimper softly before warm genetic material flooded over them both and he slowed. Tavros was still holding onto him, but his hold was weak and his voice even weaker as he murmured, "Gamzee, don't stop, why do you always stop?" And so he kept going, desperately clinging to his shaking matesprit until he could fill him with love. 

Gamzee didn't bother to pull away from Tavros when he was done. He just stayed pressed as close as he could possibly be until the friction of his bulge backing into its sheath made them both shiver. "Gamzee..." Tavros whispered his name and started to kiss his hair, running his hands up and down Gamzee's sides, every soft touch speaking of nothing but love. 

It wasn't near enough, but Gamzee knew he had to go. Gently, he kissed Tavros one last time. "I'll be back in time for dinner." 

Tavros hummed and smiled against Gamzee's lips, kissing him back. "I look forward to it~"

Purring, Gamzee slid off the bed and clumsily started pulling on clothes, staggering out the front door still putting on his shirt. The soft sound of Tavros' purrs followed him all the way. It didn't take too long to find Dirk seeing as he had only moved approximately two inches to the left with a whole ass Jake pinning him down. Gamzee kind of wanted to pick Jake up and throw him like a football just to see how pissed off Dirk would get, but Jake hadn't really done anything to earn that and he might get hurt... And besides, judging by the way Dirk clung to his matesprit, Jake could very well be the only thing holding him together. 

Gamzee silently curled up on the ground, his back to the two humans. He could wait a bit. Because he was kind of tired, not because of Dirk. Definitely not. 


	24. Don't You Touch Him

Gamzee looked over his shoulder at where Dirk and Jake were laying together, chest to chest, no longer kissing but still holding onto each other like it was the last time they'd ever get the chance. They'd had plenty of time. Gamzee was ready to go already. He shifted so he was facing the pair of humans and moved closer, pushing his horns between them and physically lifting Jake off of Dirk. 

Jake half screeched, his damaged eyes darting across Gamzee's no doubt blurred figure with panic. Dirk rolled onto his stomach almost immediately, partly raised in a crouch with his orange eyes narrowed before Gamzee could even shake Jake off. There was something wild in Dirk's eyes. Something almost broken. 

Idiot still hasn't talked, Gamzee thought, baring his teeth and wondering how anyone, human or troll, could be as stupid as Dirk Strider. Dirk was shaking, though Gamzee could see how hard he was trying to stop it. He needed to hit something, bad, and so Gamzee matched Dirk's hunter crouch, waggling his haunches to recalibrate before flinging himself forward. Dirk reared up and grabbed him, rolling with his weight and attempting to pin his arms to his sides, both legs flailing to catch any part of Gamzee they could. Their fight was short and violent, busting Gamzee's lip and Dirk's brow. It might have gone on for longer had Gamzee not been kicked hard in the ribs. 

Wheezing, Gamzee blinked up in astonishment as Jake English stepped between himself and his kismesis, both hands up to fight. "Don't touch him." Jake's voice was shaking and it was clear by the way he stood that the kick he'd given had hurt himself far more than it had hurt Gamzee. 

Gamzee snickered and stood. "What's that little green eyes?"

"I said, said, I said don't touch him, don't you..." Jake had to crane his neck to see Gamzee's face, the size difference only making him more nervous. His breath was coming in terrified gasps but he didn't waver. Behind him, Dirk rose and put his hand to the small of Jake's back. 

Gamzee expected Dirk to say something but he stayed silent, bright eyes on the blood that dripped down Gamzee's chin. Gamzee huffed. "And if I do?"

Jake really started the waterworks then, clear tears just pouring down his face. "Dammit Gamzee, don't make- don't make me- make me say it! I don't want to, but c-c-c-c-cob jimminy, I can't let you hurt him!" His hands dropped, but not in defeat. Both flickered to the places where his pistols usually hung. Suddenly seeming to realize he was unarmed and facing a troll over a foot taller than himself, Jake devolved into spluttered words that were indecipherable through his tears. Dirk wrapped both arms around Jake and after a full minute the man managed to get himself under control. "I love you, Gam, I do, you're my friend, but..." Jake sniffed and hiccoughed, wiping snot and tears off his face. "I can't- I can't take if- take it if- if Dirk keeps getting hurt." Then, much quieter, Jake mewled, "What if it was  _your_ boyfrie- matesprit that came home covered in bruises?"

Gamzee bared his massive fangs on reflex, an intense and immediate hatred blooming for the imaginary person that would dare hurt his Tavros. The highblood glanced at Dirk but it was clear he'd get no backup there. "Fine," he finally hissed. "I won't mark him anymore."

Having won the argument, Jake seemed to lose all of the little strength his body had. "I'm going to go inside now," he murmured, almost ripping free of Dirk's grip and shuffling away as fast as he seemed able. 

Gamzee made a face at Jake's back and huffed, wiping the blood off his face and turning to head into the shade of the trees. Dirk followed. They worked in silence for almost the entire circle, barely looking at each other and making eye contact only once. Gamzee wasn't going to ask Dirk what was breaking him, he didn't particularly care. He was Dirk's kismesis, not his matesprit, so how was it his business? But just before they reached where they started, when the sun had gone past its zenith, Dirk blurted, "I have a little brother."

"How sad for him."

Dirk made some choked sound that wasn't quite a sob and Gamzee realize that he may have just made a terrible mistake.

"His name is Dave." Dirk continued, his voice going up half an octave and Gamzee half turned to look at him, eyes narrowed. "His name is Dave Elizabeth Strider and I-"

"Stop."

Dirk was hyperventilating, shaking all over, his eyes reflecting shattered glass. "Please, please, I have to-"

"Do you really want to tell it to me?" Gamzee raised a brow, one hand on his hip. Dirk hugged himself, but he didn't keep talking. "Me or Jake?" Gamzee pressed. 

After a long moment of silence broken only by Dirk's uneven breaths, the human managed, "Jake."

"Thought so." Gamzee turned back around and took a half step forward before freezing. Something wasn't right. "Dirk."

"Mm...?"

"Dirk, I need you to do something for me."

Dirk shuffled to his side, still rubbing at his own arms and shivering. "What?"

"I need you to shut down again. Lock up whatever you're feeling and ignore it. I know, it's shitty, but I need you to tell me what's wrong with where we are." Gamzee stepped forward cautiously, every muscle tensed. "Because something ain't right, Dirk-a-Dirk."

"I-I-Can't-I don't..." Dirk shook his head and looked around. "Wrong? What's... Gamzee." Dirk, though he still held himself and walked unsteadily, went to a bush and pulled free a single thread. Gamzee looked down at his blue shirt. He looked at Dirk's white. Then he looked at the scarlet thread in Dirk's shaking hand. "This isn't one of ours," Dirk whispered, his orange eyes sharpening. 

Gamzee got close and sniffed at it, but with it being a single thread, there wasn't exactly a lot to sniff. He looked around at the ground and bared his teeth. "Dirk, there's footprints."

Dirk crouched, sweeping leaves aside and examining the few, faint prints left in the dry earth, letting his fingertips brush the barely-existent mark. "It's not either of our sizes," Dirk said, his voice just loud enough to hear. He stood and drew his sword, every sign of his near-breakdown gone beneath this, the part of him that was a warrior. Gamzee stayed close at Dirk's back, looking all around them and sniffing at the air to make sure whoever it was couldn't surprise them as Dirk led the way forward. "There's more than one." Dirk didn't explain how he knew and Gamzee didn't ask. It wasn't important. "At least three, maybe four to five."

"Four or five?" Gamzee hissed. "How did they get in?"

"Depends." Dirk motioned to a trap a mere three inches away from the given path. "No traps are sprung, so far, so I'd say that means they've been watching and sniffing around for a while, long enough to get this far without dying. Seeing as we didn't see them, it's safe to say that they started their trip not too long after we were out of earshot, which is either luck or they knew how we move. I don't believe in luck."

Gamzee stopped, a terrible feeling ripping his guts. "Dirk." He heard the way his voice squeaked in fear and Dirk glanced over his shoulder. "Dirk, which way are they heading?"

"At this rate? They're headed for- Oh my God." Dirk's eyes widened, his own fear showing on his face. Terror in his voice, he whispered, "Jakey."

"Tavros." Gamzee exploded into motion, flying past Dirk and dropping to all fours, running like an animal to reach his matesprit. 

\---

Tavros glanced at Jake again and almost gave a sigh of relief to find that the human wasn't staring at him. He'd stopped that finally and Tavros was so very glad. 

He moved from the couch to his chair, gripping the wheels and rolling to where he could see the front door, wishing Gamzee would walk through. Gog, he missed him. 

There was a quiet grumble from Jake as the human struggled to see the pieces of his guns spread out in front of him, dismantled for cleaning and now being reconstructed. Tavros looked over his shoulder to watch as Jake lifted a piece and held it close to his face, squinting, before setting it back down and doing the same with another. The sounds of heavy metal thudding softly against the floor as they were placed wasn't loud enough to cover the sound of the back door being opened with an unusual amount of care. 

Dread and terror immediately wrapped around Tavros' chest, squeezing the breath out of him and locking every muscle in his body. Jake, he wanted to say, Jake, did you hear that?

Gamzee did not come in through the back door. He came through the front and never quietly. He came in roaring Tavros' name, stepping loud enough to be heard for the sole purpose of announcing his presence. Dirk had only ever come in through the back once, and he hadn't done it again when he'd saw that it freaked Tavros out a bit because it was so unusual. 

It was not Gamzee. It was not Dirk. It was not Jake. It was not Tavros. But there was no one else here.

Tavros heard the door click shut, again with startling care towards silence, and this time Jake seemed to hear it too. He sat up straighter, squinting towards Tavros and opening his mouth to speak. Tavros frantically shook his head and waved his arms, but Jake either couldn't tell what he was doing or he didn't understand in time. "Did you hear that, Tav'?"

And then four strangers erupted into the room. All of them were human, all carried guns, and all sent Tavros over the edge of terror. Sobbing, hugging himself, hyperventilating, Tavros watched in something near slow-motion as a male with red hair kicked Jake in the temple and a female with similar hair aimed a blow at poor Jake's face. Jake laid on his side and didn't move. 

Then all four circled Tavros. 

"Aww, lookie here, a cripple!" The red-haired male pulled out a knife and poked it in Tavros' direction. The lowblood cringed away, half screaming a whine of fear. 

"Wow." Another female, this one with black hair and dark skin, reached out to grab one of Tavros' horns, jerking it hard. Tavros squealed in pain. "You guys were right, there was a troll here!"

"Two, apparently. The other walks, remember?" The fourth, a male with brown hair, crossed his arms and glanced out the window. 

"Two people, too." The red-male twirled his knife, gesturing with his head to the motionless Jake. "This was the one we saw out near the road. The other of 'em was blond."

"Right, right, yeah." The dark-female nodded agreement and went towards the kitchen, saying over her shoulder, "I'm gunna keep watch. Take care of the crip'."

Tavros let out a screech, the sound cut off when red-male slapped him hard across the face. "Shut up, you stupid bastard! You wanna be cut up or somethin'?" Tavros whimpered and shook his head. The human scowled. "Then keep quiet."

Brown-male went to Jake and nudged him with the toe of his boot. "Dang, Red, did you kill him?"

"I don't know!" Red, as he was apparently named, barked the words. "I just kicked him."

"Hmm." Brown-male crouched down and rolled Jake over, putting a hand to the man's neck. 

Tavros, momentarily mistaking the movement for the brown-male going to finish the job, let out a high-pitched whine. Red whirled on him almost immediately. "I said shut up! Shut up!" Then he brought his knife down, stabbing it straight through Tavros' thigh. 

Pain. Fire.  _Agony._ The sheer volume of pain blocked out every thought Tavros had, shut down every process in his head save one: Fight the Predator. Screaming, spit flying from his mouth, Tavros lunged forward and got both hands in Red's shirt dragging the male down with the inhuman strength of his arms and sinking his dagger-sharp teeth into his throat. There was a loud noise that hurt Tavros' ears and he bit down harder, unable to process that the sound was a gunshot. The thing that hurt him was still struggling, so Tavros shook his head, tearing flesh and flooding his mouth with blood, determined to hold on until what hunted him was a corpse. 

Screams started to fill the room then, but Tavros didn't look up, wouldn't have seen the destruction his furious matesprit wrought even if his eyes were aimed in that direction. Only when the room was silent and the human in his arms was still did Tavros manage to shake himself free of his trance and look around. 

Gamzee was here. Gamzee, big and strong and covered in blood, red and purple. His deep violet eyes were shining as he stood from the scattered remains of what had once been the brown-male, leaving Dirk to cradle Jake on the floor. Gamzee rushed to him and Tavros raised his arms, momentarily forgetting the stab to his leg as the last of the adrenaline went through his system. Gamzee collided with him hard, slammed their bloody lips together and desperately pulling at his clothes and body like he was trying to reassure himself that Tavros was real. 

Then the body over Tavros' lap started to slide to the floor, catching on the knife still embedded in his flesh and sending another bolt of agony through him. Cringing away from Gamzee, Tavros screamed, the sound causing the highblood to jump back, shocked. "What did I do?" Gamzee whimpered. He kept looking down at the blood on his hands. "What did I do? Tavvy? What did I do?"

Tavros practically threw the human off of himself, crying harder at the sight of the brown blood that ran down his leg and pooled on the seat of his wheelchair. "Gam-Gam-Gam-Gamzee..."

Gamzee was frozen, violet eyes locked on Tavros' blood. Tavros could see his jaw move as his mouth made way for more teeth, could see the rage that burned in his soul. Slowly, Gamzee's scorching gaze shifted to the already-dead human on the ground. "Did he hurt you?"

"It-It-It-It was- was- It was that- that one- It was that-" 

Gamzee understood. He attacked the corpse and Tavros shut his eyes, covering his ears with his hands and humming through his sobbing hiccoughs to block out the grotesque sound of bone snapping and muscle tearing. He didn't open his eyes, not even when Gamzee kissed him gently on the head. He just sat there. Crying and shaking with his hands over his ears. 

\---

Gamzee was mad. No, that didn't quite describe it...

Gamzee was absolutely fucking  _livid._

Someone had hurt his Tavros. 

When he'd first entered the house, Dirk's scream had steered him towards the strange human crouched over Jake and he had died first, though not without managing to put a bullet through Gamzee's side. There had been a female in the room too, but she had fled almost immediately. Then there was the body of the one who'd... Who'd stabbed a  _knife..._ Stabbed a  _motherfucking **knife**_ into his perfect Tavros. Gog, he wished that one had still been alive, wished he could have heard that human's screams when he ripped his chest open and pulled out his heart. 

But oh Gog... All that bright red blood on Tavros' hands, on his lips, on his sweet body... 

Gamzee shivered, pausing at the back door of his home to get control of the wild urge to go back and do exactly what he'd wondered about so very long ago. To fuck Tavros in a puddle of blood. 

Shaking himself, growling under his breath, Gamzee shoved the door open and darted out, crouched on all fours and baring all his many fangs. There were too many again and purple blood dripped from his busted gums, but he didn't particularly care. The human woman he'd seen was nowhere in sight, but she hasn't exactly been trying to hide her passage. He could still see where her feet had stamped the grass flat and the scent of unwashed bodies fouled the air. Gamzee ran, his vision flashing over purple, his arms and legs pumping as he near-flew across the earth, the fastest predator on the planet chasing the slowest prey. 

He could hear them- and there was more than one- before he could see them, two voices falling over each other in fear. 

"He's dead! That thing ripped him apart! I saw it!"

"We can take it! It's one troll! What if they're not dead?"

_"I saw his throat getting eaten out by a monster, there is no way they're not dead!"_

Gamzee slid through the undergrowth in perfect silence, his footfalls landing without a sound even at the moment of his pounce. One of the humans screamed when she saw him leap out of the cover of the leaves and ferns, but the one he was aiming for couldn't turn fast enough to know to run. He slammed into her, every pound of his body throwing her to the ground beneath him. Wrenching the weapon out of her hand, Gamzee snapped it in half and threw away the pieces just as bullets ripped through his shoulder and chest, almost hitting him in the thoat. 

Roaring in pain, rolling out of the way of the spray, Gamzee darted around the last human, attacking when her gun ran out of bullets. He tore at her the second their bodies touched and she was dead before they hit the ground, another layer of blood coating Gamzee's face and body. He ripped and tore and gnawed and broke until there was barely anything left to be considered 'human remains'. And then he remembered the other woman. He hadn't gotten to finish her. 

Whirling around, Gamzee frantically scanned the ground around himself, snarling when he found that the human was gone. He howled, frustration and rage building up into the explosive sound. Wildly, he started to pound through the woods, dodging his own traps as he went and searching desperately for the last member of the group that had dared assumed the right to lay a hand on his Tavros. 

Tavros. Tavros was hurt, he was alone, he needed Gamzee. Skidding to a halt, Gamzee whined, shuffling awkwardly as he fought the urge to go in two directions at once. Did he continue the chase? Did he go home? What did he need to do? Finally, with a harsh spit and a hiss, Gamzee turned and dashed back the way he'd come, flying full pelt through the trees to get to his matesprit.

The house smelled like death when he entered. Still dripping blood, both his own and otherwise, he made his way to the living room, his rage calmed by the sight of Tavros as it always seemed to be. "Tavros." He spoke softly and Tavros didn't seem to hear. He had his hands over his ears and his eyes were squeezed shut, his whole body rocking slightly. "Tavros?" Gamzee went to him, barely sparing Dirk a glance. 

Gingerly, he grabbed Tavros' wrists and pulled his arms down, purring comfortingly when the lowblood's breathing sped up in fear. "It's okay, Tavvy... It's me, it's just me, I've got you. You're safe."

Those beautiful brown eyes finally looked at him then, but there was something shattered in their endless depths. "G-Gamzee? M-My leg- My... Gamzee?"

That damned knife was still in Tavros' leg and Gamzee hissed at it, barely remembering to keep his rage in check. "I've got it. Just... Scream if you gotta, alright?"

Tavros whimpered but didn't try to interfere as Gamzee grabbed the handle of the weapon and pulled it free. For just a second Tavros' face went completely blank and Gamzee was afraid he'd straight up passed out. But then he let out a screech of pain and Gamzee flinched, frantically pulling off his own shirt and tearing it with his jagged teeth until he could wrap it right around Tavros' leg in an attempt to lessen the bleeding. “I’ve got you, Tavvy, don’t worry, I’m right here.”

His screeches fading to muffled hiccoughs, Tavros’ shaking hands latched on to Gamzee’s arm. Tavros was angry- actually  _angry_ _-_ and Gamzee was intrigued to see the mirror of himself in his gentle lowblood’s eyes. He wanted to hold Tavros, but he was covered in so much blood... 

Tavros turned his head a bit, his eyes trained on something behind Gamzee, and he hissed, “This is his fault. One of the humans said they saw him by the road, of all places. Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I say they’d be the death of us?”

Gamzee turned, looking at where Dirk clutched Jake to his chest, rocking the dead or unconscious human, his face twisted into an expression of unfathomable pain. “Jake?”

”Yeah, it was-“ Tavros’ acidic words cut off with a soft gasp and suddenly his voice was that same soft tone Gamzee had known most of their matespritship. “Gamzee, you’re hurt!”

”Oh.” He glanced down at the holes in his chest that leaked purple. “Yeah, one of ‘em shot me up. I got her though, don’t worry.”

”You got them all?”

Gamzee hissed softly. “Nah. One got away. She don’t matter though, it’s just one human. What’s she gunna do?”

”Gamzee, don’t you get it?” Tavros was getting more agitated, his hands opening and closing over the armrests of his wheelchair, his eyes reluctant to stay on one thing. “Humans are pack animals, Gam’, they don’t just stay with their quadrantmates. If four managed to find each other, then odds are that there’s more. Much more. They don’t  _stop_ _,_ Gamzee, they just keep looking for each other until there’s no one left to find.”

”He’s right.”

Gamzee turned around again to look at Dirk. The man looked terrible. His eyes were broken and lava was leaking through the cracks. “Tavros is right. We humans have a nack for chasing each other down and we don’t take kindly to having any of our own killed. If there’s more, then they’ll be coming.”

Gamzee grunted, unimpressed. “Then I’ll kill them too.” He pushed two fingers into a bullet hole in his chest and pulled out the flattened bullet, stopped by his powerful bones. He tossed the purple-smeared bullet at Dirk, the place it had occupied already finished bleeding. “It’ll take more than that to kill me.”

Dirk laughed, high-pitched, wheezy, and panicked. Then he went back to rocking Jake, singing something softly and petting the human’s dark hair. 

Tavros’ hand gently touched Gamzee’s and the highblood focused again on the only being that mattered, going to his knees in front of him. Smiling softly, breath still labored from the pain in his leg, Tavros pushed Gamzee’s hair back from his face. “I don’t want to die, Gam’.”

”You won’t.” Gamzee leaned forward and kissed him carefully, muttering against his lowblood’s lips, “I’ll protect you forever.”

But he could see it in Tavros’ face that he didn’t quite believe that. 


End file.
